HomeNews & InfoFan FictionMessage BoardLinksEmail


Daniel hadn't been packing for very long when Jack came in.  He looked around at the partly filled boxes.

"Aren't wasting any time, are you."

Daniel ignored the edge in the colonel's voice.  "I want to get it all done today."

"So you can go home and sit around, doing nothing?"

Daniel tried to remain patient.  "I know you're angry that I'm doing this."

"Angry?  No, I'm not angry.  What I am is disappointed.  You are not a quitter, Daniel.  You are a fighter.  In fact, you are one of the most stubborn, irritatingly persistent people I have ever met.  Yet here you are, giving up without a fight."

Daniel turned his gaze to the grey-haired man.  "And what is there to fight for, Jack?  All this time, I was fighting for Sha're.  I was out there, going through all that in the hope that, someday, I'd walk through the Stargate, find my wife, and save her.  Every time I set foot through it I was thinking about her and carrying that hope inside me.  Now, every time I went through, it would just be some . . . place where that hope used to be."  He turned away, his voice now trembling.  "That's why I can't do it anymore.  I hope you can understand that."

"And what about the fight against the Goa'uld, Daniel?  They're the ones who are really to blame for what happened to Sha're.  They're still out there, Apophis is still out there.  You're just going to turn your back on helping us do something about that?"

"My presence wouldn't make that much of a difference in that regard."


The angry word made Daniel turn back to Jack.  The man pointed a finger at him.

"If you're determined to leave this place, then I can't stop you, but you get one thing straight.  Your contribution to what we do here is not insignificant.  Your knowledge and the things you can do are not of little value.  I'm not going to list off all the ways and all the times that you have made a difference, because I shouldn't have to.  It would also take too damn long."  He poked his finger into Daniel's chest.  "So you go ahead and leave, Daniel, but, when you do, have no illusions that it isn't going to make a difference around here, because it is."

With those words, Jack turned and left.  With a sigh Daniel sat in a chair.  He was still there when Sam came in.  The distress on her face deepened when she saw the boxes.

"Please don't say it, Sam," he said.  "I know you're upset and think I'm making a mistake.  Jack just finished balling me out."

The major took a seat.  "I do understand why you think you have to do this, Daniel.  I just can't help but feel that you're acting rashly and letting your emotions control you.  You could take a leave of absence, spend some time away from here.  I know that General Hammond would give you as much time as you needed."

"Sam, no amount of time in the world is going to change the fact that the reason I joined the program is no longer something that's possible."

Sam closed her eyes for a brief moment.  "I know, Daniel.  But you could find other reasons to stay.  What about Skaara?  He's still out there."

"Jack will keep doing all he can to find and free him."

"All right, then what about Sha're's son?  Don't you think that she'd want us to find him?"

Daniel stood and turned away, reminded of yet another way he'd failed his wife.  He had promised himself that he would make sure the boy remained safe until he could be reunited with his mother.  Now, not only would there be no reunion, the child he delivered with his own hands was out there somewhere, probably in the hands of some Goa'uld.

"I wouldn't even begin to know where to look, Sam.  You guys have just as much of a chance of finding him without me than if I was to stay."

"I don't think that's true, Daniel."

He turned back to her.  "Please, Sam.  I've made up my mind.  I just can't stay here anymore.  Please try to understand."

Sam stared at him.  She didn't want to accept this.  She didn't want to stand aside and let it happen.  But there really wasn't anything she could do about it.  Daniel was determined to leave, and she had to live with that.

The astrophysicist got to her feet, stepped up to Daniel, and wrapped her arms around him.  She held in the tears, knowing that they would only make Daniel feel worse.

As she stepped back, she looked into Daniel's eyes.  "We are going to miss you so much around here."  Feeling the tears she was determined not to shed coming closer to the surface, she tried to lighten things up.  "Who am I going to have a midnight cup of coffee with now?  No one else here appreciates how much work you can accomplish by ignoring that the human body needs sleep."

Daniel almost smiled at Sam's words.  "I'm sure you'll find another hopeless workaholic around here somewhere."

Sam lost all pretense of levity.  "But they won't be you."

Daniel dropped his gaze from hers, saying nothing.

"What are you going to do now, as far as a job goes, I mean?" Sam asked after a moment.

"I haven't figured that out yet.  Actually, I haven't really spent much time thinking about it.  I've got some money saved up, so I'll be fine for a while."  He looked over at the boxes.  "I, uh, need to get back to packing."

"Do you want some help?"

"Thanks, but I think I'd rather do it myself."

"All right."  Blinking away tears, Sam then said, "You'll come say goodbye before you leave?"


After Sam had gone, Daniel resumed packing.  He filled all the boxes he'd brought, then went in search of more.  He was heading for the elevator when he came upon Teal'c.

"Daniel Jackson.  I have been told that you have resigned from your position here."

"Yes.  I just feel that I can't stay here anymore.  Can you understand that?"

"Yes, though it saddens me that you will no longer be traveling with us through the Stargate.  You have become a valued warrior in the fight against the Goa'uld, and I believe that our efforts to defeat them will be made more difficult with the loss of your knowledge and skills."

"Thank you, Teal'c.  Though I definitely don't think of myself as a warrior, I appreciate that you feel that way."

The Jaffa looked straight into Daniel's eyes.  "You are also my friend, and, as your friend, I must say that your guilt over the death of your wife is not something she would have wanted.  If she could speak now, I have no doubt that she would tell you to forgive yourself.  She would also ask you to remain and continue seeking to free all the humans who are enslaved to the Goa'uld, just as you helped free her and her people from Ra.  In that way, you would truly honor her memory."

Daniel's gaze had dropped to the floor.  "I know that she would want me to stay here, Teal'c, but I just can't.  It hurts too much.  Maybe there will come a day when it won't."

"Then I will hope that day comes soon, Daniel Jackson."

Daniel looked about at the boxes piled all over the place.  He really shouldn't have taken as much as he did.  He had no clue where he was going to put it all.

Sam, Jack and Teal'c had insisted upon helping him bring all the stuff home.  They'd even borrowed one of the SGC's trucks to haul it all, along with a couple of base personnel.  Daniel had to wonder what his neighbors thought when they saw guys dressed in BDUs carrying boxes up to his apartment.

After the others had left, taking the truck with them, Daniel's ex-teammates hung around for a few minutes, clearly not quite ready to part company with him.  Jack insisted that they all get together for dinner next weekend.  Though the archeologist really didn't think he'd feel like it, he agreed.

Daniel got one of the boxes and started the job of sorting through everything.  He was still at it when it came time for dinner.  He ate while continuing to work.  The food stuck in his throat when he came to one box in particular.

Before leaving Abydos, Daniel was stopped by Kasuf and given several things that had belonged to Sha're.  Looking in the man's eyes, Daniel had a feeling that Kasuf knew he would never be returning.

Daniel had not really taken a close look in the basket until now, his emotions too raw at the time.  The time had now come to do so.

After removing the basket from the box, Daniel pulled the things out of it one by one.  The first thing was the cup that he and Sha're drank out of at the formal wedding, the one that took place after the big "Ra is dead" celebration party.  He recalled how beautiful she looked during the ceremony, her eyes glowing with love for him.

His throat tightening, Daniel put the cup down and picked up another item.  It was a hairpiece that he made for Sha're as a birthday gift.  It took him hours to make, and he was never quite happy with how it turned out, but Sha're loved it.

The burn of tears joined the ache in his throat as he picked up the next item.  This, too, had been a birthday present, one given to him by Sha're on the day he had calculated to be July eighth back on Earth.  It was a tiny figurine that was an Abydonian symbol of eternal love, trust and faithfulness.

Eternal love, trust and faithfulness.  Sha're had trusted that he would always be there for her.  She'd had faith that he would always keep her safe.  How horribly wrong she had been.

Dropping the figurine back into the basket, Daniel got up and strode away.  Anger began to build inside him, rage at himself for failing to protect his wife, for failing to do the one thing he had wanted more than anything else in the universe.  Sha're had been counting on him to save her, but instead of saving her, he took her life.

As he moved past it, Daniel bumped one of the piles of boxes, knocking it over.  The boxes tumbled to the floor, spilling their contents.

Staring at the mess on the floor, Daniel felt his anger dribble away as the energy-sapping sorrow returned.  As single tear slid down his cheek, he turned away and headed for the bedroom.

Sam let out a long sigh.  She should have known that coming back to work would be pointless.  She just felt so depressed and had known that, if she went home, she'd just sit there, feeling miserable.

The thought that Daniel was gone from the SGC and would probably never come back made her heart ache.  One of the things she had always looked forward to every workday morning was seeing him.  She had felt that way even before she realized that she was in love with him.  It should have been a big clue to the truth about her feelings for him.

Now that he was gone, the place felt empty to her and wrong somehow.  She knew that feeling would be far worse when they went on a mission.  She didn't even want to think about someone filling Daniel's position on the team.

Giving up on any hope of getting some work done, Sam left her lab.  Intending to go to the locker room and change, she found her feet taking her upstairs instead.  She retraced steps she had taken many times before, then stood just inside the doorway.

Though it was not empty the room felt hollow, the bookshelves stripped of their contents, the worktable barren of the things that were eternally piled upon it.  Daniel's essence, the indefinable thing that always made him feel like he was there even when he wasn't, was gone, leached away with the removal of his possessions.

'Stop it, Sam,' the major chastised silently.  'You act like he's dead.  All he did was leave the program, not your life.'

But how often would she see him now that he was no longer here?  An occasional meal together?  A movie night once in a while?  It wouldn't be enough, not nearly enough.

Feeling more depressed than ever, Sam started to turn away.  Her eyes caught something lying on the floor off in a corner, and she went to investigate.  It was one of Daniel's artifacts.  It must have fallen and gotten missed during the packing.

Sam picked it up.  She should take it with her so that she could give it to him when she saw him next.

A while later, Sam was on the road, heading home.  As she stopped at a particular intersection, waiting for the light to change, her gaze drifted off to the right, the way she'd turn if she was going to Daniel's.  Making a sudden decision, she made the turn.  She knew she was being silly.  Giving him the artifact could wait for the weekend, when she'd get together with him, Jack and Teal'c, but she felt the need to see him now, even if it was just for a few minutes.

When Daniel didn't answer her knock, she became a little concerned.  Maybe he was in the shower and couldn't hear her, or perhaps he had taken a walk.

Sam stood there undecided for a few seconds, then unlocked the door.  The first thing she noticed as she entered the room was a partially eaten plate of food on the coffee table.  Beside the plate was a large handwoven basket filled with several items.  Sam then noticed the pile of boxes that had fallen over, the contents lying untouched on the floor.

Her concern growing dramatically, Sam went in search of Daniel.  She found him in the bedroom, sitting on the floor with his back against the bed.  His elbows were resting on his bent knees, the heels of his hands pressed against his eyes.

"Daniel?" Sam inquired uncertainly.

Daniel's hands dropped, but he did not look up.  She sat on the floor beside him.

"I really shouldn't have had any hope that I could save her," he said in a low voice.  "I mean, what were the odds that I'd have actually succeeded?"

"Daniel, you couldn't have just given up hope, no matter what the odds were against it.  Without hope of success, we'd never try to do anything.  And you did try, the best that anyone could have."

"Fat lot of good it did."

"But at least you didn't choose to do nothing.  It's better to try and fail than never try at all."

Daniel looked off across the room.  "You know what makes me feel even worse?  I've realized that, deep down inside, I started saying goodbye to Sha're a long time ago.  When Ma'chello told me that I would never find her, I swore that I would, but the truth was that a part of me had already written her off.  I just refused to admit it, even to myself."  Emotion began filling his voice.  "Now that she really is gone, I'm ashamed that I gave up on her before she was even dead."

"Daniel, you didn't give up on her.  I have never seen anyone more determined about something than you were to save her.  But you are right about what you said before.  The odds against rescuing her were high.  It's only human that you would have doubts that you could succeed.  The important thing is that, even with those doubts, you didn't give up trying."

Daniel gave a shuddery sigh and closed his eyes, his head bowing.  He looked so terribly sad and defeated that it broke Sam's heart.

"I'm staying here tonight," she abruptly said.

Surprised, Daniel looked at her.  "No, Sam."

"Yes.  You're not talking me out of it.  I don't want you to be alone tonight.  I wouldn't be able to sleep if I left now."

Daniel searched her eyes.  The truth was that he really didn't want to be alone tonight.  The apartment had felt so empty these days, which made no sense to him.  Sha're never set foot in it, so her death shouldn't have made the place feel different . . . except for the bed, that is.  All this time, he had held onto the dream that, someday, he would share that bed with her.  Now that it was a dream that would never come true, the bed also felt empty.

"All right," he said.  "We'll have to clear off the couch first, though.  It's a mess."

The two of them got to their feet.

"By the way, why are you here?" Daniel asked.

"Oh."  Sam held up the artifact.  "I found this on the floor in your office.  I guess you missed it."

Daniel took it from her.  "Thanks."

They went out into the living room and cleared off the couch, then Sam helped Daniel pick up the stuff that had fallen on the floor.

The major returned to the couch.  She looked at the things in the basket curiously.  "What's this stuff?"

Daniel saw what she was looking at.  "Um, Kasuf gave them to me.  They're, uh, things that belonged to Sha're and me. "

"Oh."  Sam gestured at them.  "May I?"  Upon receiving a nod from Daniel, Sam sat down and started looking at the things.  After a few seconds, Daniel sat beside her and began explaining what each thing was.  He was able to get through the whole basket without getting upset again.

Sam looked at him.  "You never told me how you ended up married to her.  Colonel O'Neill said that she was a gift, but I never got the whole story."

Daniel recounted to her the events that led up to his unwitting marriage to Sha're and what happened when she came to his tent and started removing her clothes.

"She thought that I stopped her from undressing because I didn't want her," he said, "which couldn't have been farther from the truth.  I think I fell in love with her at first sight."

"I never really believed in that."

"What?  Love at first sight?"

"Yeah.  I guess it's the scientist in me."  Sam looked at Daniel, thinking that, if there really was such a thing as love at first sight, she may have experienced it the moment she first laid eyes on him.

With some encouragement from Sam, Daniel shared with her some of his life with Sha're during the time he lived on Abydos.  She was hoping that remembering the good times would help him feel better, but the truth was that it made Daniel long for Sha're all the more.

"It's getting late," he finally said.  He got to his feet, as did Sam.  That's when she thought of something.

"Um . . . do you have anything I can wear to bed?"

"I don't know.  About all I could offer you are a T-shirt and boxers."

It was a struggle for Sam to hide how the thought of wearing Daniel's underwear made her feel.  Clamping down on her totally inappropriate thoughts, Sam nodded.

"That'll do."

Daniel went to his dresser and pulled out a white T-shirt and a pair of pale gray boxers.  Sam went into the bathroom to change, which turned out to take a lot longer than it should have because she spent a while staring at herself in the mirror after putting on Daniel's clothes.

When she came out of the bathroom, Daniel had just finished making the couch into a bed.  He looked up and froze, his eyes taking in her appearance.  He abruptly dropped his gaze, blushing slightly.

"Sorry," he said.  "It's just, uh, strange to see you wearing my, um, underclothes."

Sam smiled slightly.  "Yes, I know.  Actually, some women choose to wear men's boxers to bed all the time.  They're really quite comfortable."

That made Daniel's blush deepen.  He looked down at the couch.

"I should really give you the bed," he said.

"No way, Daniel.  I'm shorter than you and will sleep on the couch a lot more easily.  I'll be fine.  It'll be a lot more comfortable than a sleeping bag on the hard ground."

"All right."  As Daniel passed by her, he gave her a little smile.  "Good night."

"Good night, Daniel."

A sound awoke Sam from sleep.  For a moment, she lay still, not knowing what had roused her.  Then she heard the sound repeated.  It was a low, tortured moan coming from the bedroom.

Sam threw off the covers and went to check on Daniel.  He was lying still in the bed, breathing raggedly, tears leaking out of the corners of his closed eyes.  The expression on his face was one of anguish.

Realizing that he was having a nightmare, Sam laid her hands on his shoulders and gently shook him.

"Daniel, wake up."

The archeologist drew in a sharp, gasping breath, his eyes flying open.  For a moment, they were filled with confusion, then he apparently realized that he had been dreaming.  He sat up and looked at her.

"I'm sorry," he said, self-consciously wiping away the tears.  "Did I wake you?"

"Yes, but it's okay.  I'm glad I was here to wake you up."  Sam sat on the edge of the bed.  "Have you been having a lot of nightmares?"

"A few."

The lack of eye contact told her that he wasn't being truthful.

Sam looked at him for quite a while, a little struggle going on inside her over what she should do.  She knew what might help, but dare she do it?  She had promised herself to do everything in her power to help Daniel.  She couldn't back out on that now.

Making her decision, Sam went to the other side of the bed and climbed in.

"Uhhhh . . . Sam, what are you doing?"

"As you know, Cassie was staying with me at my place for a while, before Janet adopted her.  She suffered a lot of nightmares about the death of her parents and the rest of the people on her planet.  Hoping that it would make the nightmares stop, I let her sleep with me, and it did the trick."

"Sam, I'm not Cassie.  I'm also not a little girl."

"Obviously I know that, Daniel, but you are someone who just lost the person who meant the most to you.  If I was you, I'd be feeling really sad and lonely right now, and just having someone sleeping in the same room would make me feel less lonely."

Daniel's gaze fell from hers, his face turning away.

Sam continued.  "It's a big bed, and we don't even have to touch."  She smiled teasingly.  "I promise that I'll keep my hands to myself . . . although it might be a struggle."  Even as she said that, Sam was thinking about how true those words were.

The major's last sentence succeeded in shocking Daniel into staring at her.  Seeing the smile in her eyes, he smiled back.  "You really are something else, Major-Doctor Carter."

"You bet I am."  She scooted down under the covers.  "Now, come on.  Let's go back to sleep.  Unlike you, I've got to go to work in the morning."

Hesitating a moment longer, Daniel laid back down.  Though a part of him was uncomfortable about having Sam sharing his bed, another part of him actually did feel better.  Hearing her breathing, being aware of her presence lying close to him, did ease the loneliness.  He began to feel as if he might make it through the rest of the night without another nightmare.

Daniel's hand slid across the bed, seeking Sam's.  When he found it, he grasped it gently.

"Thank you, Sam.  You're . . . a really good friend."

"I always will be, Daniel.  Always."

It was another moan that awoke Sam.  As her eyes opened, a second one issued from Daniel's lips, a moan that was very different from those he'd uttered earlier in the night.  He was on his side, as she was, and they were facing each other, only around a foot separating them.  In the bright moonlight coming in through the thin curtains it was easy for her to see his face.  His respiration had quickened, his eyes darting back and forth under closed lids, and the expression on his face was most definitely not one of anguish.

Oh, boy.  Daniel was dreaming of Sha're again, but not of her death.  The logical part of Sam's brain told her that it was probably a subconscious response to having a woman sleeping in the same bed.  But it wasn't logic that was making her think about the images that must be passing through Daniel's mind and causing her temperature to rise.  This was really bad, really, really bad.  She needed to get out of this bed.

Before Sam could make a move to leave, Daniel's arm lifted, and his hand came to rest on her hip.  She froze, going absolutely still, even her breathing stopping.  When it started back up, it was a little faster.  It grew faster still as Daniel's hand began to caress her, sliding from the peak of her hip to the hollow of her waist, then back again.  The touch alighted Sam's body like a match to gasoline.  And when his hand slid down her thigh to the bare skin below the hem of the boxers, she could not stop the tiny moan that welled up.

As Daniel's hand moved back up her leg, it pushed the material up as well.  And then it was underneath the material, the thumb sliding forward to where thigh met pelvis.

'Oh, God,' Sam moaned in her mind, feeling her vaginal muscles clench.  She did not resist as Daniel's other arm went around her and drew her against his body.  She felt something hard press against her lower abdomen, and her breath caught, the muscles of her whole body clenching.

Daniel's one hand had inched back down her thigh a bit, the other arm wrapped firmly about her waist.  His head bent forward, and he began to nuzzle the line of her jaw and neck, making a little sound of contentment in his throat.  His lips brushed across Sam's skin, and she could swear that they burned her.

Sam knew that she shouldn't be letting this happen.  It was wrong on so many levels.  But it felt so very good, and she had wanted him to touch her like this for so long.

Daniel's teeth nipped Sam's earlobe, then his head lifted.  His eyes were still closed, and he was obviously still dreaming . . . about his wife . . . his dead wife.

'I have to stop this,' Sam told herself.  'I really do have to sto—'

Sam's thoughts ended on a louder moan as Daniel's hand left her thigh to cup her bottom.  He pulled her further up the bed slightly and slipped a leg between hers, the hard ridge of his erection now pressing right against the juncture of her thighs.  Of their own volition, her legs spread further apart, increasing the contact of their nether regions.  Her breath was coming in hard, rapid pants, and she was so turned on that she felt like she was going to catch fire.  When Daniel ground himself against her, she could not stop her hips from responding.  An image flashed into her mind of pulling his pajama pants down and letting him past the barrier of the boxers and panties she wore.

It was that thought that finally got past the pleasure of what was happening and into that part of Sam's brain where logic and common sense resided.  She had to stop this and stop it now.

Sam was just about to extract herself from Daniel's embrace when he suddenly stiffened, growing utterly still.  With a sinking heart, she lifted her gaze to his face, knowing what she'd see.  She stared into a pair of wide, startled eyes.

For a charged, breathless moment, the two friends stared at each other.  Mortified, Sam couldn't speak, couldn't move, her brain frantically searching for something to say.  And then she watched as the look in Daniel's eyes changed from surprise to realization, and she knew what he was seeing, what she could not hide from him.  The evidence of her arousal was written all over her.  Even now, the press of his body against hers was still inflaming her, making her want him more than she'd ever wanted anyone in her life.

Sam's heart skipped in her chest, then began hammering like crazy as she saw Daniel's eyes change yet again.  They darkened, the already dilated pupils widening even more as an expression she had long fantasized about spread across his features.  His gaze slid down to land on her mouth.  His respiration grew shorter and deeper, his warm breath brushing across her face, her lips.

Slowly, Daniel's hand traveled back up her body, gliding across her hip, her waist and ribs, a thumb brushing the curve of her breast.  Up it went to her neck and then the back of her head, fingers tangling in her hair.  His eyes locked upon hers, hypnotic, heart-stopping, burning like blue fire.  Sam was lost in those eyes, in the feelings that had flared back up in her body.

In the next instant, Daniel's lips crashed down upon hers, his tongue driving straight into her mouth.  With a groan ripped from the depths of her throat she held on as he plundered her mouth with wild passion, possessing it like no other man ever had.  She kissed him back with matching passion, tongue tangling with his, his taste overwhelming her.

Click here to go to version with milder sexual content

Daniel rolled over, bringing her underneath him.  She spread her legs, and he settled between them.  His mouth left hers and went to her neck, his tongue sliding across the skin, teeth nipping lightly.  His hands began running over her body, touching her in places that made her pant with need.

Daniel pushed her T-shirt upwards, exposing her naked breasts to his eyes.  And then his hands and lips were upon them, one nipple pulled deep into his mouth as the other was stroked and teased with his fingers.  He opened his mouth wider still and pulled more of her in.

"Oh, God, oh, God," Sam gasped, arching against him.  She clutched at his T-shirt, wanting it off, needing it off.  Sensing her need, Daniel released her from his mouth to yank the top off.  The sight of his bare chest made Sam's desire flare even brighter.  In the next second, her mouth was traveling across his neck, shoulders and chest, her tongue tasting his skin for the first time.  She soon reached one of his nipples.  Daniel moaned loudly as she sucked upon it.  He grabbed her T-shirt and pulled it up.  With her help it was soon gone.

With desperate hands, Sam grasped the waistband of Daniel's pajama pants and pushed them down, finding him naked underneath.  Her hand encircled his hardened length, feeling the blood pulsing through it.  The deep groan that her touch wrenched from Daniel made her desire go up yet another notch.  She yanked his pajama pants down farther as he did the same to the boxers and panties covering her.  The clothing was soon gone.  In the next moment, Daniel was back on top of her.  Sam shuddered at the feeling of his naked body against hers, the full length of his erection pressed between her thighs.  Instinctively, she tilted her hips upward, legs spread wide.  And then, suddenly, Daniel was thrusting into her, going all the way inside in a single swift stroke.  Sam nearly screamed at the explosion of sensations that his penetration caused.  She braced her feet on the bed and jerked up against him, her hands clutching at his body.  It had been so many years, and he felt huge inside her, filling her so full.  She shifted beneath him, and he went in even deeper, the pain that was pleasure making her cry out again.

Daniel began to move, the fire inside taking control.  He drove into her again and again, white-hot passion consuming them both, their climaxes rushing upon them with supersonic speed.  Very quickly, they were approaching the edge.  Then, suddenly, Sam was coming, fire flashing through her body like an inferno.  With a final sharp thrust Daniel erupted deep inside her, pouring into her with a wild rush of ecstasy.

As the feelings faded, they lay still, their hearts gradually slowing.  Daniel cupped Sam's face and took her mouth in a deep kiss.  He then rolled onto his side, keeping hold of her, and pulled her head down to lay beneath his chin.  With a sigh he closed his eyes.  It was not long before Sam heard his breathing deepen, his body relaxing in sleep.

Slow minutes ticked by, still and silent.  Without a sound, Sam began to cry, her tears not ones of joy over the wondrousness of their lovemaking but of shame, for she knew that this should never have happened.  For so long she had dreamed of this moment, but, in her dreams, it had been an act of mutual love, not one born of Daniel's grief and her selfish weakness.  And she had no one but herself to blame.  She was the one who should have stopped it, who shouldn't have let it get started in the first place.

Being careful not to awaken him, Sam left the bed, got her clothes, and began to dress.  As she did so, the tears fell even harder, her feelings of shame growing deeper.  God, how could she have done this?  Daniel was grieving, vulnerable and in pain.  She took advantage of that, letting her desire take control and doing something completely unforgivable.  He'd probably never want to see her again.

Sam rushed out of the apartment.  She barely remembered the drive home.  As she lay in her own bed, her tears of shame were joined by ones of sorrow.  Tonight she had found heaven, rapture beyond words.  For the first time in her life, she had experienced the wonder of making love with a man she truly loved with her whole heart – and it would never happen again.

Burying her face in the tear-wet pillow, Sam mourned for the joy she had found and lost all in the same night, a joy that should never have been hers at all.

Daniel hazily awoke, a shaft of sunlight spearing through the curtains and into his eyes.  For a moment, his sleep-drugged mind drifted, slightly disconnected . . . that is until he realized that he was naked.  Why was he. . . .  And then it suddenly all came back to him, blazing into his mind with stark clarity.

Stiffening, gripped with dread, Daniel cautiously rolled over to find the other side of the bed empty.  He listened for a moment but heard only silence.  Sam was gone.

Daniel closed his eyes and covered his face with his hands as all the memories from last night  went marching by behind his eyelids.  He'd awakened from a dream of making love with Sha're to find that there really was a woman in his arms.  Totally shocked, he'd laid there, staring at Sam, not knowing what to say.  And then he saw it.  It was unmistakable, the signs of a woman who was sexually aroused.  She had looked so beautiful, so desirable, blue eyes filled with want, hardened nipples pressed against his chest.  Her body was so close to his, his erection nestled firmly between her thighs.  The knowledge that she was aroused because of his touch had made his senses tilt off-kilter.  And then the shock disappeared, replaced by a far more powerful emotion, one he'd had neither the desire nor will power to control.

Every moment of their explosively passionate lovemaking was replayed in his brain.  Not even once had he thought about what he was doing.  Not for one second did it impact upon his mind that it shouldn't be happening.  All he'd felt was the unreasoning desire burning through his veins, the sudden, all-consuming need.

'Oh, God.  What have I done?'  He'd let his grief and loneliness drive him into doing something utterly shameful.  And what made it even worse was that he'd done it to Sam, one of the best friends he'd ever had, a woman who had trusted him, respected him, loved him like a friend.

Tears of self-loathing filled Daniel's eyes and fell down his face.  What he did was unpardonable.  She probably hated him for it.  He hated himself.

Daniel wished to God that she'd pushed him away, slapped him, hit him, done something to stop it.  Why didn't she?  Was she caught in the moment just like him?  Did she give into him out of compassion?  Was it pity sex?  That thought almost made Daniel feel like he was going to throw up.

Scrambling out of the bed, Daniel went to the bathroom, where he took a scalding-hot shower.  The water mixed with fresh tears.  There could be no forgiveness for this.  He had lost his wife, and now he had ruined one of the only remaining relationships that truly meant anything to him.

Daniel got out of the shower and got dressed.  Bypassing the kitchen, he went straight to the balcony.  The bare concrete was cold against his sock-clad feet, but he barely noticed as he walked up to the railing.

"God, Sam.  I'm sorry.  I'm so sorry."

The morning breeze wafted across cheeks that were wet yet again.  Daniel choked on a sob, squeezing his eyes tightly shut.  Guilt over the death of his wife joined with the new guilt of what he'd just done.  He had taken the life of his wife, and now he had hurt another woman he cared about deeply.  One life destroyed and another damaged because of him.  On top of that, he had betrayed Sha're's memory by having sex with another woman only days after her death.

Daniel's eyes opened, and he stared at the ground below.  A thought came into his mind and took purchase.  It would be so easy, just swing his legs over the railing and let go.  Then all the grief, guilt and pain would be gone forever.  He'd be out of Sam's life for good.  The problem was that he was only three stories up.  That might not be high enough to do the job right.  He'd need someplace higher.

Suddenly, an image of Sha're leapt into Daniel's mind, her luminous brown eyes gazing at him with sorrow.  The realization of what he was doing impacted upon him.  He took a quick step back from the railing, shaken by the fact that, for a moment, he had actually considered suicide.

Daniel went inside and took a seat on the couch.  In that moment, he knew that he had to do something.  He had to get away, far away from this place.  He didn't know where he'd go or what he'd do once he got there, but he could not stay here in this city where he'd had such hopes of saving Sha're, the city where he betrayed one of the best friendships he'd ever had.

Previous Chapter

Next Chapter

HomeNews & InfoFan FictionMessage BoardLinksEmail
Stargate-Horizons.com Home Page   |   Site Map of Stargate-Horizons.com