CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Daniel and Danny had just gotten to Daniel's office the next morning when Sam came to visit.
"Hey," she greeted. She came up and gave Daniel a kiss. "I missed you," she whispered in his ear.
"I missed you, too," he whispered back.
"Have you had breakfast yet?"
"Nope. We were just about to go get something."
"I'll join you, then."
It wasn't long after they'd taken their seats at a table when Jack showed up, tray in hand.
"Hello, you three," he said as he set his tray down next to Danny's.
"Hello, sir," Sam greeted.
"Hi, Uncle Jack," Danny said.
Jack ruffled Danny's hair. "Hey, I've got some good news for you, kiddo. Captain Hardwick was released from the hospital this morning. It's going to be quite a while before he's completely healed, but he's definitely on the mend."
"That's great news," Daniel responded. "We'll have to go visit him and Tommy one of these days."
"And how are you all doing?" Jack focused his attention on the two adults. "You two look a bit more rested." He smiled slightly.
"We're fine, Jack," Daniel replied.
"My arm doesn't hurt much anymore," Danny said.
"That's good," Jack responded. "So, you'll be swinging on the monkey bars again in no time." He turned back to Daniel. "So, is that psychiatrist coming this weekend?"
"Psychologist, and, yes, she is. She'll be here on Friday to talk with me first. I'm betting that she'll want to talk to you guys as well."
"About me?" Danny asked.
"Um, yeah, so that we can tell her about stuff that's happened with you. She needs to know all about what's been going on."
"Does she know that I'm a clone?"
"Yes, she does. She was given clearance to know that. She would also have been told a bit about the Stargate Program, but I don't know how much, so you need to be careful about what you say. Don't tell her anything about the Goa'uld or our missions. And definitely don't say anything about my ascension. She wouldn't know that."
"Okay." The boy frowned.
"What's wrong, kiddo?" Jack asked.
"I don't want to talk to her."
"I don't blame you there, but I'm betting that she can make you feel better."
"And I'll be right there the whole time," Daniel told the boy. "You won't be alone with her. I can understand why you wouldn't want to talk to a stranger about how you're feeling, but this is her job. She's talked to a lot of children whose parents have died. She'll know what to do to make you feel better about everything and help get rid of those nightmares."
"I hate the nightmares."
"Me too."
On Friday afternoon, Daniel met with Doctor Meredith Woods in his office. Danny was with Teal'c.
Though he never said so, Daniel had been concerned about the therapy sessions, specifically about the doctor who would be performing them. He had worried that Doctor Woods would be the same as the child psychologist who came to see him after his parents' death.
It didn't take him long to see that Meredith Woods was wasn't anything like that woman. She greeted Daniel warmly, with a genuine smile. In her early thirties, she appeared to have Native American blood in her.
First, Meredith explained how much she already knew about the case. She had been filled in about the catatonia, the flashbacks, the panic attacks, the nightmares Danny woke up screaming from, the first few days when he wouldn't speak. Daniel clarified and confirmed a few things for her, going into more detail.
"In the beginning, he was acting a lot younger than normal," he told her. "He tended to cling to me a lot. Janet said that was common."
Meredith nodded. "Yes, it is. I've seen children Danny's age sucking their thumb after a severe emotional trauma. It's only if those behavioral changes last an extended length of time that you need to be concerned."
"The panic attacks always had to do with me," Daniel continued, "fearing that something bad had happened to me. There was an . . . incident very shortly after we found Danny. My arm got cut up a bit, and there was quite a bit of blood. Danny saw the blood, and he had a severe panic attack. It took quite a bit to snap him out of it. He's been getting a lot better, though. He hasn't had a panic attack or flashback in weeks, and he isn't clinging to me anymore. He's still not quite as independent and confident as a normal child his age, but he is . . . stretching his wings a bit more. Of course, I was never what you'd call an average kid, not even before Mom and Dad's death. Growing up on digs, with all the fragile artifacts around, I learned not to be too rambunctious, not to play rough. I was a lot quieter. Mom and Dad taught me how to treat the things around me with respect and care, that to destroy or damage something for the fun of it was wrong, regardless of whether or not it belonged to me. I don't think I ever broke a toy, except by accident." He smiled. "I remember Dad bought me a toy airplane once. I tripped and fell on it, breaking its wing, and I felt so bad because I hadn't been careful enough. Mom told me that accidents happen while Dad glued the wing back on." Daniel chuckled. "Then they warned me never to run while holding an artifact. There has been more than one occasion on missions when I had no choice but to do that, like when being chased by angry natives." 'Or Jaffa,' he added silently. "Poor Mom and Dad would be horrified."
Meredith smiled at the tale. "And Danny's nightmares? How are things going with those?"
"They're not happening as often, but he's still getting them, sometimes bad enough to wake up crying. Not all of them are about Mom and Dad. He's having nightmares about things happening to me as well. At least once, he dreamed that I died with them. I, um . . . I recently found out that Danny has been keeping some things from me, that he's been hiding from us how sad he is sometimes and hasn't been telling me about all his nightmares."
"Do you know why that is?"
"He didn't want me to be sad or upset. He hates seeing me feeling sad. It really bothers him." Daniel told the woman what he had said to Danny when he discovered the boy's deception.
"He sounds like a very empathetic child, which is rare at that age."
"Yes, he is. Um . . . I should probably tell you something about the two of us. There is a telepathic connection between us, and I'm beginning to believe that it may also be empathic, to a certain degree. Danny has picked up thoughts from my mind and vice versa. Very briefly, we have each seen through the eyes of the other. When I had an accident a while ago, Danny was aware that I was hurt even though he was miles away, and when he was in that car accident last week, I knew something terrible had happened. I felt his fear."
"That is extraordinary," Meredith said. "Do you believe it is because he is your clone?"
Daniel nodded. "That's what we figure. There's no doubt that there is a connection between us, and I think it subconsciously influences Danny's emotions and attitude regarding me. Sometimes, I swear that he can sense my mood, especially when I'm upset." Daniel paused. "Fortunately, it doesn't work all the time, and the mind-reading thing happens very rarely."
Meredith laughed softly. "Yes, the thought of an eight-year-old reading my mind would not be very comforting, especially, when my husband and I are . . . intimate."
"Yeah."
The note in Daniel's voice made her study his expression. "Are you in a relationship?"
"Yes. I'm romantically involved with Major Samantha Carter, who is one of my teammates. It's a very new development in our relationship."
"Ah. How does Danny feel about that? Does he resent the time you spend with her?"
Daniel laughed outright. "Not at all. Just the opposite, in fact. He actually played matchmaker to try getting us together. He wants Sam to move in with us so that we'll all be a family."
The psychologist smiled. "I'm glad to hear that. When they have a strong bond with a single parent or guardian, a child can sometimes show jealousy and resentment toward anyone they perceive as a threat to the relationship."
They talked some more about Danny's mental and emotional state. From everything she learned, Meredith formed a picture of a deeply traumatized boy who, largely due to the love and support he'd gotten from Daniel and others at the SGC, was well on the road to recovery but still needed a lot of help. She began asking about Danny's personality and interests, telling Daniel to be completely honest about the child's character.
"Well, not surprisingly, he's a lot like me in many ways," he said. "He's a lot more interested in gaining knowledge than the average child. He loves books, like I always did. Even when I was very young, I usually preferred a book over playing with other kids. Like me, Danny loves learning new things, especially if it has to do with archeology or languages. That comes from our parents."
"What about his play times? Does he prefer solitary play or activities with other people?"
"He likes both, actually. We got him a computer, and he loves playing games on it, both educational and non-educational. But he also loves playing with adults and other kids. He had a ball at the Fourth of July party, where there were quite a few kids for him to play with." Daniel smiled and told her about the play times that he and his teammates had shared with Danny, as well as the 'western shootout' that went on in the commissary, which made Meredith laugh.
"It sounds like he is well-balanced in that regard. It's healthy for a child to enjoy playing with others, yet also be able to amuse himself, and it's very good that Danny enjoys playing with adults as well. Unfortunately, many children today get too much into video games and spend less time interacting with other kids and their parents."
Daniel nodded, agreeing. "Of course, when I was his age, there were no video games. TV was the babysitter many parents used. I watched some TV, but a good book was much more appealing to me. Danny's that way, too."
"Does he draw?"
"Yes, quite a bit, actually."
"Do you have any of his drawings here? I'd like to see them."
Daniel opened a drawer and pulled out a stack of drawn pictures, which he handed to her. The psychologist looked at each drawing closely. She paused when she came to one in particular.
"Can you tell me about this one?"
Daniel looked at it. "Oh. Yeah. Um, that was after a little fun Jack, Colonel O'Neill, had with Danny. It was before Danny started talking again. They were playing together, and Jack managed to make him laugh. Afterwards, Danny felt guilty. He thought it wasn't right for him to laugh, that it would make Mom and Dad believe that he didn't love them."
"What did you tell him?"
"That it was okay to laugh and be happy sometimes after losing someone you loved. I told him that his parents would be happy to see him laughing, that they'd want him to laugh and play."
Meredith nodded. "Good. That was the right thing to say."
The woman continued studying the drawings, seeing some hints of the emotional trauma Danny had been experiencing. She also asked to see some samples of the boy's handwriting. She saw that, in early samples, his writing was very small and close together, but that, in later ones, the letters grew slightly larger and spaced farther apart. This was a barometer of the progress Danny had been making. The small letters bunched closely together indicated shyness and doubt in the child. Seeing the writing grow larger and more widely spaced indicated that Danny was gradually getting past those feelings.
She asked some more probing questions, inquiring about events that had taken place and Danny's reaction to them. Daniel told her more about his accident and the nightmare that Danny had as a result. It didn't surprise the psychologist that the boy would have such a dream. He also told her about his decision to leave SG-1 for Danny's sake and how the boy responded. The incident was a big clue into the psyche of the little boy she'd soon be treating, as well as a peek into the psyche of the man who was the adult version of that child.
"Most children Danny's age are beginning to realize that death is a final thing and that all living things die," Meredith explained, "but they tend not to see death as personal, something that can happen to them. From what you've told me and what I already knew, Danny's intelligence is far above that of the average eight-year-old. Because of this, even before the accident, he was probably more aware that he and his parents were not immune to death. Do you recall how you viewed death before your parents died?"
"I knew that everyone died eventually," Daniel replied. "In archeology and anthropology, death and what happens afterwards is something that you're exposed to a lot, particularly in Egyptology since so much of the culture of the ancient Egyptians revolved around death and preparing for the afterlife. I'd seen mummies and skeletons. Also, in some of the various cultures we lived among while on digs, death is not an issue that people avoid talking about. It is a greater part of their lives because of disease and famine. I knew from an early age that children can die."
Meredith nodded, having guessed this was the case. "Children tend to grieve differently from adults. It's often more sporadic. They appear to be fine for days, even weeks, then, suddenly suffer a bout of grief. With Danny, because he has the memory of witnessing his parents' deaths, which adds to the emotional trauma, his pattern of grieving may not follow the usual course. And then there is his personality to consider. From what you've told me, Danny is a very loving, compassionate child. Children more often tend to be self-centered, focused on what they want and need, but he is clearly one of the exceptions. In this type of situation, that can be both a good thing and a bad thing, a bad thing in that, as he has revealed to you, his concern over making you sad has kept him from showing and expressing his grief. Your response to that was the right one, Daniel. Danny needs to understand that it's important that you know the truth about his feelings."
They talked for a while longer, then Meredith left, saying that she'd arrive at Daniel's house at one o'clock tomorrow. She then went to talk to a few other people about the boy, including Jack O'Neill, Samantha Carter and General Hammond. She had already spoken with Janet Fraiser, who was the one that initially filled her in on the boy's physical and psychological condition.
Talking with the other people who had a close relationship with the boy gave her a more well-rounded picture of his psychological state, as well as his personality. Meredith recognized that her approach would have to be somewhat different from the way she'd treat an ordinary child his age.
Danny was shy around the psychologist when they met the next day, but she soon broke through that. She had noticed a Navajo woven basket on Daniel's mantle and revealed that her grandfather was pure Lakota Sioux. This interested Danny, and he started asking questions about her grandfather and his people. Meredith answered the boy's questions, and the two chatted for the next twenty minutes.
At last, the woman got down to business.
"Danny, I've been told all about you, and I have to say that I'm pretty amazed," she said.
"Daniel said that you know I'm a clone."
"Yes, I do, which I think is pretty cool." Meredith became serious. "I also know about the memories you have of your parents' death." Danny's gaze dropped, but the woman continued. "I would like to talk to you about that, if I could. Do you think you could talk to me about it? I know it will be hard, but I'm a really good listener."
Danny glanced at Daniel, then returned his eyes to his lap.
Daniel stroked the boy's hair. "It's okay, Danny. You don't have to be afraid to talk about it to her. That's what she's here for."
When another moment of silence had passed, Meredith spoke. "I understand how you must feel about it, Danny. I really do. I know how terrible and frightening it must have been, but it is safe to talk about it. Daniel's right there beside you, and, if it gets too hard to talk, you can just stop, at any time. I won't push."
Danny abruptly sought shelter against Daniel. The archeologist put an arm about him.
"Hey. It's okay, Danny," he said soothingly. He met Meredith's eyes. She looked back at him with sympathy and understanding.
The psychologist studied the man who was an adult version of the child she was here to help. The memories that haunted the child were from his mind. When she was filled in on the case, she learned the history of what happened to Daniel Jackson thirty years ago when the event really took place. She'd looked up the old medical records, the report filed by the psychologist that was assigned to him. She knew about the catatonia that lasted for hours, the months of complete silence, the foster homes, the lack of a stable family life after that day Daniel watched his parents get crushed to death.
Meredith knew the statistics. Most children who experienced something like that and then grew up in the foster care system would reach adulthood with a great deal of emotional problems. The rate of homelessness, joblessness, incarceration, welfare dependency, illness, and teen pregnancy were all much higher than normal among individuals who "aged out" of foster care, stayed in the system until adulthood. Daniel had been declared an emancipated adult at fifteen. From that day on, he didn't even have foster parents for support. Yet this man before her had three doctorates and a job that required a lot of mental and emotional stability. This told Meredith that he must have a great deal of inner strength. Because Danny was Daniel genetically, and his memories of the first eight years of his life were the same, years that were the most formative in the development of an individual's personality, she had every reason to believe that same inner strength was within the boy. She just needed to gain his trust.
When Meredith talked to Colonel Jack O'Neill, he had dropped a lot of hints that, while she was treating Danny, she might perhaps get Daniel talking as well. She had refused to covertly treat the adult Daniel, considering it to be unethical. Besides, that wasn't her job. Now, however, she was thinking that the quickest way to get Danny to open up to her might be to get Daniel to share just a little bit of his own feelings regarding the death of the people who were both his parents and, in a way, Danny's.
"Daniel, you're free to refuse, of course, but perhaps Danny will feel more at ease if you talk a little about your mother and father."
"What?" Daniel instantly tensed. "Um, no. That, uh . . . that wouldn't be a good idea."
Meredith had seen the instant and dramatic increase in his tension level. He'd been fairly calm before. Now, he was most assuredly not. A door had abruptly slammed shut so hard that she could have sworn she heard it. Her instincts were telling her that there was something in Daniel's past that accounted for this.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."
That made Danny looked up at Daniel, concerned. "What's wrong?" he asked, seeing that Daniel's face looked kind of . . . hard. All the emotions that were usually in his eyes were gone, like little shutters had been closed over them, hiding all the feelings inside.
Daniel looked down at him. "Nothing, Danny. I'm fine."
"You don't look fine."
"We're just not here to talk about me and my feelings."
Meredith saw that Daniel was trying to relax, but the tension was still there. The psychologist had a suspicion about the reason for this.
"I'm sorry, Daniel," she said. "You've had a bad experience with someone in my profession, haven't you." The man's reaction told her that she'd hit the nail right on the head. He'd drawn even further behind his walls.
Danny saw it, too, and started getting upset. "Did something bad happen to you?" he asked.
"Danny, I don't want to talk about it. This isn't why we're here."
The words were not spoken in anger, but Danny reacted by ducking his head. "I'm sorry," he mumbled.
Daniel sighed and pulled him close. "Don't be sorry, Danny. I'm sorry for saying that." He was silent for several seconds. "Yes, something bad happened," he finally admitted. "There was a psychiatrist who made a big mistake and did something very wrong, and I got . . . hurt because of it. It was a very bad experience in my life, and I don't like to talk about it."
Whatever this incident had been, Meredith could clearly see that the scars ran deep. They had obviously created in him a major aversion to talking to someone in the psychiatric profession about his own feelings. Whomever the psychiatrist was that had scarred him so deeply, she cursed them. She knew that there were a lot of people in her profession who had no business being there.
"Again, I apologize, Daniel," she said. "I didn't mean to upset you."
Daniel met her eyes. "I know. Sorry for reacting like that. It's just a sore spot."
The woman nodded, smiling. "Okay." She looked back and forth between adult and child. "All right, how about if we talk about the happy stuff? From what I understand, you went on archeological digs with your parents, going to Egypt and other foreign countries. That sounds fascinating."
It didn't take long for Danny to warm up to the subject, and Meredith got an education in life on a dig. She also learned quite a bit about the culture of Egypt, both past and present. Daniel interjected some things from time to time, but let the boy do most of the talking.
Meredith had already known that Danny's intelligence was well above normal, but she hadn't quite been prepared for the true extend of that intelligence. He clearly had a very high I.Q. and an amazing memory, perhaps close to eidetic. His linguistic skills alone were awe-inspiring.
"Wow. Six languages?" Meredith said.
"I'm learning Italian, too," Danny told her. He grinned. "Daniel knows a whole thirty languages!"
Eyes widened, Meredith turned to the man, who appeared to be embarrassed.
He shrugged. "After Mom and Dad died, I spent a lot of time studying. I spent all of my allowance on history books and language tapes and borrowed a lot of the same from teachers."
That admission gave Meredith another window into Daniel's soul. So, that's how he coped with his parents' death, by burying himself in the pursuit of knowledge. It had certainly been a more constructive and productive response than what a lot of kids would have had.
"Well, I think we've rambled on enough for one day," Meredith said, deciding that it would be best not to try digging into anything emotionally sensitive today. She looked at her watch. "And I've got a long drive back to Denver to make. I'd like to return tomorrow, if I may."
"Don't you have things of your own to do?" Daniel asked.
"Not really. My husband's on a business trip out of town. I'd rather be working than bouncing around the house alone for the rest of the weekend. I usually put in extra hours at work when he's gone."
They all stood. Daniel accompanied the woman out to her car.
"I'm sorry about earlier," he said. "You didn't deserve that."
Meredith nodded. "Apology accepted." Hesitating, she then said, "Would you be willing to tell me what happened? I truly hope it was not a childhood experience."
Daniel didn't reply for a while. "No, it happened a few years ago." When Meredith just looked at him patiently, he sighed. If she really wanted to know, she could find out on her own, though he suspected that she wouldn't do that. "I was wrongfully diagnosed with schizophrenia and committed to Mental Health," he said bluntly. "I was locked in a padded cell for three days and shot up with antipsychotic drugs, which only made things worse."
Meredith gasped. Okay, this was way worse than she thought it was. Dear God. No wonder the man had a problem talking with psychiatrists.
"If it hadn't been for something that could very easily not have happened, no one would have known the truth, and I'd have been in there for the rest of my life," Daniel finished.
"I . . . I am so sorry that happened to you, Daniel. It must have been a terrible experience."
"Definitely not on my list of top ten favorite moments."
"Well, I certainly understand your reaction now. If I had known this, I would have gone about things differently. When I asked you to talk about your feelings regarding your parents, I honestly did do it for Danny's sake. I believed that hearing you open up about it would encourage him to do the same."
Daniel frowned, eyes turned to the ground. "Do you think that's the only way?"
"No, it's not the only way. We made good progress today in building trust between us. Once he feels completely at ease with me, I'm hoping that he'll be more willing to talk. It'll take a bit if time, but we'll get there. It didn't take long for me to see that Danny has bonded with you quite strongly because you were there for him when he was suffering from an extreme emotional trauma. After something like that happens to a child, it's very important that they have someone to hold on to, someone to make them feel safe and loved. It makes all the difference in the world to how quickly and fully they heal." Though she was tempted to do so, she did not add that she knew Daniel did not have that. "It's quite clear that he adores you," Meredith smiled, "and is even a bit protective of you. I'm betting that if he ever thought that someone was threatening you in some way, he'd go at them tooth and nail."
Daniel smiled, remembering Danny's reaction to Ferretti's "geek" comment. "I'm afraid you're right about that."
"So, what would be a good time for me to come over tomorrow?" Meredith asked.
"After lunch would be best."
"Okay. We'll see you then."
Daniel watched the psychologist leave, some of the words she'd spoken rising back into his mind. With a thoughtful and slightly troubled frown, he headed back to the house.
"How did it go?" Sam asked Daniel on the phone that evening.
The archeologist glanced over at Danny, who was busy drawing at the dining room table. "Um, well, we didn't get very far," he said in a lowered voice. "Danny didn't want to talk about it. But Meredith spent a lot of time gaining his trust, which she said was a good thing. She's coming back tomorrow. Are you coming over tonight?"
Sam smiled. "If you want me to."
"Do you even need to ask? I've missed you like crazy all week." Because of work and other things, they had not spent a night together since last Sunday.
"Ditto. Okay, I'll be over in a few."
Danny was delighted to find out that Sam was spending another night with them. The three of them played games until well past the boy's bedtime. He was nearly falling asleep on his feet as Daniel led him off to his bedroom.
After Danny was tucked away in bed, Daniel came back out into the living room, surprised not to see Sam there. Suddenly, he was grabbed from behind, spun around, and found himself immersed in a passionate kiss. He didn't waste any time returning the kiss with equal fervor. He wrapped his arms around Sam's waist and lifted her up. She locked her legs around his hips.
The kiss didn't stop as they stumbled into the bedroom and fell onto the bed.
"God, I've wanted you all week," Daniel groaned as he began stripping Sam's clothes off.
Sam moaned as Daniel's hands found her breasts. "Me too." She reached for Daniel's shirt and yanked it off.
Their lovemaking was fast and hard, both of them too overpowered with desire to slow things down. They fell into an exhausted sleep afterwards, waking up four hours later to make love again, this time slowly and gently.
The next morning over breakfast, Sam noticed that Daniel seemed a little distracted. He was picking at his food, a slight frown knitting his brow.
"Is something wrong, Daniel?" she asked.
"What?" Daniel looked up at her, then over at Danny, who was now also staring at him. "Uh, no. Sorry. I was just thinking about something."
Sam knew there was something to this, but didn't push. "When is Doctor Woods coming over?"
"After lunch, probably around one or so."
Sam smiled. "Good. Then we can all spend the morning together."
They went to the park and spent a couple of hours there. Shortly before noon, they got some takeout and ate it at the house. Sam left at 12:45.
She studied his face as they stood at her car. "Daniel, are you sure you're okay?"
"Yeah. I've just got something on my mind, something Meredith said."
"What's that?"
"We can talk about it later."
"Okay. If you need to talk to me sooner, Daniel, just call, all right? I'm not doing anything important today, just some shopping and errands."
Daniel smiled and kissed her. "I will." He wrapped his arms around her. "And will we get the pleasure of your company again tonight?"
"Hmm. We do have to work tomorrow, you know."
Daniel grinned. "I can behave myself, if you can. It won't be easy, but I think I can manage."
Sam also grinned. "Well, in that case, I'll be here in time for dinner."
"Great. See you then."
The lovers kissed again, then Sam got in her car and drove off. As she disappeared from view, the smile on Daniel's face faded away to be replaced by a troubled look. He went back into the house to await Meredith's arrival.
