CHAPTER TEN
The next day turned out to be even warmer than the day before, and both Sam and Daniel agreed that it was the perfect weather for swimming. Jack had made it clear, however, that they were to do it well away from his fishing spot since he didn't want them to scare away the fish. He and Teal'c had gone in search of a suitable sapling for the Jaffa's spear and found one that was almost perfectly straight. Once the branches had been trimmed off and the end whittled down to a sharp point, the two men were off to see who could catch more fish.
When Sam emerged from her tent wearing a rather skimpy, black, two-piece bathing suit, Daniel almost dropped the bag he was carrying. He'd never had the opportunity to see quite so much of her slender, shapely body before, and it was doing a number on his self-control. He watched, entranced, as she tied a long, sheer, colorful sarong around her hips. Realizing that his mouth was hanging open, he closed it with a snap and viciously put a lid on the thoughts that had sprung into his mind. His tongue, however, had a mind of its own.
"Wow, Sam. You look fantastic," he blurted out. "Jack would probably forget all about fishing if he saw you right now."
Sam blushed prettily, extremely pleased by his compliment. "Thank you, Daniel." She looked down at the jeans and T-shirt he was wearing. "So, are you going to change?"
"Oh, um, yeah, I guess. I'm afraid that I won't look as good in my suit as you do in yours, not with these skinny legs of mine."
"Daniel, I've seen your legs, and they're perfectly fine. So, go get your suit on. I want to go swimming."
A faint flush on his face, Daniel did as he was told. When he came back out of his tent wearing nothing but a pair of rather snug swim shorts, Sam's temperature skyrocketed. Wow. She had seen Daniel without a shirt on several times in the past, but most of those times had been when he was in the infirmary, bandages adorning his body. This was the first time in quite a while that she'd seen him in such a state of undress while not injured. Though she had known that Daniel was working out a lot more nowadays and had added a whole lot of muscle mass, it hadn't really hit her until now how buff he was. She was having a really hard time not staring at his shoulders, chest and abs, and it was taking a supreme act of will not to look lower.
Dragging her eyes away from his body, Sam looked up at Daniel's face just in time to catch a little grimace. He tugged at the leg of his swim shorts.
"Sorry about these," he said. "I haven't worn them since college, and I've put on some weight since then. I guess it's that middle-age spread they talk about."
"Daniel, you're too young to be suffering from middle-age spread. You've put on a lot of muscle lately, and it's common for men's bodies to thicken a little as they get older. But you are most definitely not getting fat. You look . . . great." Sam had just barely stopped herself from saying that he looked absolutely gorgeous.
Daniel flushed again and cleared his throat. "Um . . . thanks. I'll, uh, go get our food."
He turned away, and Sam's eyes immediately dropped to his butt, which the shorts were displaying very nicely.
"I'm certainly not complaining about the fit," she murmured under her breath, then blushed brightly. She really shouldn't be having these kinds of thoughts about Daniel. It was wrong. You're not supposed to have lustful thoughts about your best friend. But then, hadn't she had similar thoughts about Jack on occasion? He was also her friend, and her C.O. to boot. So why was it bothering her more to have those kinds of thoughts about Daniel?
'Because it's not safe!' her mind cried. She could have all kinds of thoughts like that about Jack and not worry about it because nothing could ever come of it. Such was not the case with Daniel. No regulations stood in their way. They could have hot, wild sex and not be breaking a single rule.
Whoa. Okay, did it suddenly get warmer? These were dangerous thoughts, and she really shouldn't be having them. No matter how much she might want to find out what it would be like to make love with Daniel, it would be a bad, bad idea and would cause nothing but problems and heartaches. 'Best friends with benefits' might work for some people, but not for her and Daniel. Besides, he deserved a lot more than that. He deserved to have a love like he had with Sha're, a wife and family, someone with whom he could spend the rest of his life.
Putting those thoughts out of her mind, Sam accompanied Daniel to the spot they had picked out as the perfect place. It was secluded and plenty far enough away from Jack that he wouldn't complain about the fish being disturbed but close enough to camp that they could walk back to get anything they might need.
Daniel and Sam spent a good part of the afternoon in and out of the water, swimming, racing and frolicking like a couple of teenagers. Finally having enough of swimming, they laid out in the sun, soaking up the delicious warmth. After almost an hour of just lying there, Sam turned and looked at Daniel. The book he had been reading was beside him, along with his glasses. His eyes were closed, face turned up to the sun, wearing an expression of peace and contentment.
"This surprises me," Sam remarked.
Daniel looked at her. "What does?"
Sam turned onto her side and propped her head up on her hand. "You lying there, perfectly content to do absolutely nothing. You always struck me as the kind of guy who has a hard time doing nothing. You're always busy with something."
One of Daniel's eyebrows quirked upward. "Isn't that kind of a case of the pot calling the kettle black, Sam?"
The astrophysicist smiled. "Okay, so I'm sort of the same way, but I do appreciate the opportunity to slow down on occasion as long as I'm doing something I enjoy, like this. How many women don't love sunbathing?"
"Well, despite what you may think, I do sometimes do nothing, though I admit that it's not often." Daniel sat up and wrapped his arms loosely about his legs, his eyes on the lake. "Whenever I was out on a dig, I used to enjoy going off by myself and just sit and look at whatever natural or manmade wonder was in view. I remember one evening when I was on a dig in Egypt, I sat and watched the moon rise over the ruins, thinking about my parents and how my life had turned out." He faced her and gave her one of his beautiful smiles. "So, you see? There are some things you don't know about me. I do have a few mysteries left."
Sam found herself caught in the blueness of his eyes. She felt something deep inside do this funny little lurch, like it had been tilted out of place. She wanted to kiss him, hold him, make love with him until the sun came up tomorrow. But Sam did none of those things. Instead, she turned her face away and focused on the lake.
"So, I guess that's another way that we're alike," she said with forced lightness. "The colonel would probably fall over in shock if he knew that we really were capable of doing nothing."
Daniel chuckled. "Yes, he probably would. Of course, then, he'd insist that we both go with him to his cabin in Minnesota and spend a week doing absolutely nothing except fish an empty pond. As it is, I'll be lucky if I don't get dragged over there now that Jack knows I can fish."
Sam gave a laugh that was almost a giggle. "I have to say that I felt so sorry for Teal'c when I found out about that trip they took there. He must have been miserable."
"Yeah, well, he was having a better time than I was. I'll take fishing an empty pond over a round with a ribbon device any day."
The memory of Daniel's first entanglement with Osiris made Sam think about Sarah, which, in turn, made her thoughts return to the question of whether or not Daniel would be interested in renewing his relationship with the woman.
"Did you love Sarah?" she asked. When Daniel didn't reply, she looked at him. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked that."
"No, it's okay. The truth is that I can't really put a name on what I felt for her. I know that she loved me, and I did care for her a great deal, but I was so focused on my research that it took precedence over everything else. I was an idiot. I worked right through our two-month anniversary, and it didn't even dawn on me until Sarah came walking in, wanting to know why I'd missed our date. She broke up with me after that."
"I'm sorry."
Daniel shrugged. "I guess it just wasn't the right time for me to be in a relationship. It was so different when I met Sha're. She became the most important thing in my life."
Sam nodded, knowing how much Daniel had loved his wife. "So . . . do you think that you'd ever consider getting back together with Sarah?"
Surprised, Daniel stared at her. "What? No. No, that would never happen. I stopped feeling that way about Sarah a very long time ago. She's just a friend, and that's all she'll ever be. Besides—" his voice broke off abruptly, and he turned away.
"Besides what?" Sam prompted, curious.
"Nothing."
Sam poked him in the arm. "Come on, Daniel. Tell me," she pleaded, interjecting a whine in her voice.
The archeologist shrugged. "She's just not my type anymore."
"Really? Why not? She's smart, beautiful, shares your passion for archeology and, from what I could see, seems like a nice person."
"Yes, she is all those things, but she's not. . . ." He stopped again. 'She's not you,' he silently finished. "She just doesn't have what I want in a woman now," he said aloud.
"You want someone like Sha're?" Sam asked.
Daniel shook his head. "No."
The single word answer and Daniel's body language told Sam that he didn't want to talk about this anymore. Though she really did want to know what kind of woman Daniel wanted, she respected his wish for privacy.
"So, what about you?" he suddenly asked.
"What about me?"
"Now that you've broken up with Pete, do you have any plans to get back in the dating game?"
"Oh, I don't think so, at least not for a while. Pete was such a rousing failure that I'm going to be a whole lot more careful next time when it comes to picking a boyfriend. I need someone who will accept me for who and what I am, including the secrecy that comes with my job. I need someone who understands me and can share my passions with me."
"You mean another astrophysicist?" Daniel asked, careful to keep his voice neutral.
"No, not necessarily. He wouldn't have to have exactly the same interests, just a shared passion for discovery and a thirst for knowledge."
'I do, Sam,' he told her silently. 'I could share that with you. I already do.' He cleared his throat a little nervously. "So . . . I'm, uh . . . guessing that Jack is no longer on your list."
Shocked, Sam jerked her head around in Daniel's direction. "I didn't realize that you knew. How long have you known?"
"I'm not sure. I guess I started becoming aware of it back when Jack was trapped on Edora. The way you acted then was, well. . . ."
Sam sighed. "Yeah."
"So, what happened to change things . . . or did they change?" Daniel asked hesitantly, afraid to hear the answer.
Sam paused before replying. "I finally realized that I'd been using Jack as a sort of safely net. Every relationship or potential relationship I've had with a man has ended really badly. My engagement to Jonas Hanson ended when I discovered that he was not the kind of man I thought he was. Narim and Martouf both died. Orlin ascended again. I've been afraid to let myself get involved with a man for fear that something would happen and I'd be left alone. With the colonel, I was safe."
Daniel nodded, understanding. "You couldn't have him, so you couldn't get hurt."
"Yeah. As long as I was thinking about him that way, I wouldn't get involved with someone else and take the chance of losing them."
"And now?"
"I realized that I was cheating myself, that I was missing out on a big part of life. I didn't want to miss out anymore. I still care a lot about Jack, and I will probably always be attracted to him, but I know now that what I feel for him isn't something that I could build a lifetime relationship on. I need more. And let's face it. He and I aren't at all compatible. We'd probably have been at each other's throats inside a year if we'd actually tried to make a go of it. Heck, you and I have always gotten along way better than Jack and I have."
Sam's last sentence made Daniel's heart do a little flipflop. In that moment, he wanted so badly to tell her that he loved her, but he was still afraid. She'd given no indication so far that she felt anything like that for him.
A chilly breeze began blowing off the lake. Sam shivered and rubbed her arms. Standing, she got her sarong and the shirt she'd brought along and put them on, tying the shirt at her waist instead of buttoning it. Daniel also rose and donned a pair of shorts and a shirt. He was reaching for the buttons of the shirt when he became aware that Sam was watching him. He looked up at her and, for the tiniest instant, could have sworn that he saw desire in her eyes. Had it been real or just wishful thinking? Choosing to take a chance, Daniel looked straight into her eyes.
"Have you ever wondered, Sam?"
"Wondered what?" she asked, sounding slightly breathless.
Daniel took two steps toward her, bringing them to within a few inches of each other. He lifted his hand and touched her cheek with his fingertips, brushing them down to her jawline. "About this," he murmured lowly. His thumb swept lightly across her lower lip.
"This?" Sam whispered, a little squeak in her voice.
"This."
Slowly, Daniel leaned in, giving Sam a chance to pull away. Her eyes were wide, their blueness drawing him into them, sucking him down like a swimmer caught in a whirlpool. She stood unmoving as his mouth came down upon hers.
The moment that their lips touched, Daniel experienced the same incredible feelings that he did the first time he kissed her. But, this time, there was no surprise, no guilt, only the desire to continue. And, as she began to respond to the kiss, that desire became need.
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Daniel wrapped his arms around Sam and pulled her willing body against his. As her lips parted beneath his, he tentatively slid his tongue past them and gently began exploring her mouth, stroking the length of her tongue slowly and sensuously. The sensation drove a low moan from Sam's throat, and she pulled his body more tightly against hers. Her tongue found its way into his mouth, discovering the taste of him as she probed the unknown depths eagerly. Daniel's fingers buried themselves in her hair as they deepened the kiss even more.
Sam couldn't believe how good this felt, how much she wanted to keep kissing him. All the times she had kissed Pete, it had never felt this way; it had never made her feel like she could happily do it forever. Tangling her hands in his hair, she held Daniel's mouth to hers, letting herself become hopelessly lost in the sensations coursing through her.
Moments later, the feeling of the sun-warmed grass upon her back made Sam realize that they were now lying on the ground. But she spared no thought for that, her senses too overwhelmed by what was happening. Daniel was above her, his upper body a pleasant weight upon her, his mouth searching hers with slow, single-minded purpose. Sam returned his kisses with ever-increasing passion. Her sarong and shirt had both come untied, and the feeling of Daniel's bare skin against hers was setting Sam on fire. As his left hand descended from its place in her hair to slide down her body, she arched up against him, wanting desperately for their bodies to be even closer.
Daniel let out a moan, the taste of Sam's mouth and the feeling of her almost naked body beneath him catapulting him into a maelstrom of desire. He could never remember wanting a woman as much as he wanted Sam. Deep in the back of his mind, he knew that this shouldn't be happening, but he just didn't care. He had longed for this so deeply that, at that moment, nothing else in the universe mattered.
Throwing caution aside, Daniel slid his hand beneath the soft curve of Sam's bottom and pulled her hips up against his as his left leg slipped between hers to press against the juncture of her thighs. Sam uttered a deep groan, and her leg wrapped itself around his, the other one rising up between his parted thighs.
'Oh, God,' was Daniel's last coherent thought as they crushed their lower bodies together. Their kiss grew hungry and demanding, shooting liquid fire through both of them. Sam's hands descended to Daniel's buttocks, clutching at him as she jerked her hips up against his. God, she wanted him. She wanted him so badly that it was like a fire in her mind and soul. There was no doubt that he wanted her equally as much. His firm, muscular body was lying almost fully on top of her, the evidence of his arousal driving her insane with need. One of his hands was stroking her stomach and rib cage, the other one keeping their lower bodies pressed tightly together as they began rocking against each other.
Wanting desperately for his touch to go higher, Sam was about to take matters into her own hands when, as if he had somehow read her mind, Daniel glided his hand up to her breast, his thumb teasing her nipple through the material of her bathing suit. A sharp gasp escaped Sam's mouth, and she threw her head back. Daniel immediately took advantage of the position and descended upon her neck, hungrily feasting upon it with his lips and tongue.
His desire spiraling out of control, Daniel brought his mouth to her left ear and began licking and sucking upon it as he pulled the cup of her bathing suit top down to expose her breast to his questing fingers.
A cry of rapture on her lips, Sam fumbled for the button of Daniel's shorts, her mind and body inflamed with the need to feel him inside her. She was lowering the zipper when, all at once, the thought of what she was doing and who with suddenly hit her, finally penetrating through the haze of desire. She froze, heart racing both with shock and the passion that still burned within her. What the hell was she doing?! This was Daniel! They shouldn't be doing this!
Sensing the change, Daniel stilled. He lifted his head and met her eyes, searching deeply. Sam watched as the passion-darkened depths filled with an expression of realization, guilt and shame. A second later, he was on his feet and hurrying away.
Sam lay where she was for a long moment, then sat up. She buttoned her shirt with shaky fingers, her body still thrumming with the feelings Daniel had created within her, feelings more intense than anything she had ever experienced before, even though they had stopped short of going all the way.
Sam had no idea how this could have happened, how she could have so completely lost every shred of control and common sense. She hadn't been thinking about what she was doing at all. Sam had never in her life been so utterly controlled by her libido before, and she now felt shaken and mortified by how close she and Daniel had come to making love and totally screwing everything up. What made it even worse was that a big part of her still wanted it, regardless of the consequences. But, despite how much that part of her might want it, it was something that could not be allowed to happen.
Sam looked about and saw no sign of Daniel. Knowing that they needed to talk about this, she got up, retied her sarong around her hips, and headed in the direction he'd taken. She found him a few minutes later, sitting on the bank of the lake, elbows on his knees, face hidden in his hands.
"Daniel?" Sam inquired softly. When he gave no sign of having heard her, she took a few steps closer, drawing up beside him.
"I'm sorry, Sam. God, I'm sorry," he whispered hoarsely.
"What for?"
Daniel lifted his head and looked up at her. He gave a choked little laugh. "What for? F-f-for taking advantage of you like that, for . . . for doing that to you."
"Daniel, you didn't take advantage of me, and you did nothing that I didn't want you to. I was an equal partner in what just happened, and I think it's pretty safe to say that I wanted it as much as you did, even if it was a huge mistake."
"A mistake," Daniel murmured, turning his face to the lake. "Yes, I guess it was."
There was a note of deep sorrow in Daniel's voice. Sam realized that she'd hurt him with her statement. She settled on the ground beside him, wishing she could look into his eyes. "Daniel, what happened, it was . . . it was fantastic, but, yes, it was a mistake," she told him gently. "It should never have happened, and I think you know that. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't physically attracted to you. That was made pretty obvious by how I responded back there. I'd also be lying if I said that I'd never had thoughts about doing something like that with you. But we're friends and teammates, and, if we had made love, we would have regretted it later. That isn't what our relationship's about."
Sam laid her hand on Daniel's arm and was both shocked and hurt when he flinched away from her.
"I'm sorry," he said, turning completely away from her. "I just . . . I can't talk about this now. I need to be alone for a while."
Sam didn't understand why he was reacting like this. "Daniel, tell me what's wrong. Please."
The archeologist got up and walked away a few paces. "I think it would be best if you didn't know."
Sam rose to her feet and walked over to him. "Know what? Please tell me."
There was a long moment of silence, then Daniel turned around to look at her. She was stunned to see tears on his face. "I'm in love with you, Sam," he said in a heartbreakingly sad voice. "What happened back there, it was so incredible, so. . . ." He closed his eyes, swallowing tightly. When his eyes opened, they were filled with the grief of a great loss. "You're right, Sam. It was a mistake. It was a mistake for me to hope that you could ever feel the same way I do. You don't have to worry, though. I'll never speak of this again. We can just go back to the way thing were before, forget this ever happened. I just need to be alone right now."
His voice breaking on the last word, Daniel turned and left. Sam did not follow him. She was too stunned by what he had told her. Daniel was in love with her? The thought sent her mind reeling. She'd had no idea, no clue that he felt that way. How long had this been going on? She recalled what Daniel had said about their first kiss. Had he known then and just been attempting to hide his feelings from her?
And what about her? How did she feel about him? She knew that she loved him. He was a dear friend, someone who was a very important part of her life. And, as she had just admitted, she was also extremely attracted to him. But she wasn't in love with him. She couldn't be. After all these years, she'd surely know if she felt that way. After all, she had been in love before.
Sam returned to where they had gone swimming. As she gathered up what she could of the things they'd brought, she saw Daniel's book and glasses lying upon the blanket. Tears came to her eyes as she thought about how wonderful a day it had been. Now, it was all ruined. Swiping the tears away, Sam carefully placed the book and glasses with the other stuff she couldn't carry herself and made her way back to camp. Jack was there alone. She tried to hide her emotions from him, but she knew that she wasn't doing a very good job.
"Where's Daniel?" he asked with a frown.
"He . . . went for a walk," Sam replied.
Jack stared at her with an intensity that made her uncomfortable. "Did something happen?"
Much to her chagrin, Sam's response was a mild blush.
Jack took in her rumpled appearance, the heightened color of her face, and he suddenly had a good idea what happened. He'd have smiled if it hadn't been for the sad and deeply troubled expression on Sam's face when she came into camp. He was pretty sure that Daniel had made a move on her, but it appeared that something had gone wrong. Had she rejected him? Jack was surprised to feel anger at that thought. Daniel and Sam would be perfect for each other. If she couldn't see that, then maybe someone needed to tell her.
"He's a good man, Sam," he said. "They don't come any better."
Surprised, his second in command stared at him.
"You two are like peas in a pod most days," Jack continued. "You . . . you get each other, really understand each other. I've watched you together, and it amazes me how in tune you are. You finish each other's sentences, you pick up on each other's thoughts and ideas in the blink of an eye. Sometimes, I could have sworn that you were psychically connected. I loved Sara a great deal, and she and I were fantastic together, but I never had with her what I see between you and Daniel, and I doubt that I ever will with any woman."
Sam's mouth was hanging opened, shocked speechless by what Jack was saying. He was always so reticent, so closed-mouthed about his feelings. It had taken a great deal of pushing to get him to admit to his feelings for her during the Zatarc test. Yet here he was, openly trying to convince her that Daniel was the right man for her.
Sam no longer had any doubt about how Jack felt about her now. If he still had romantic feelings for her, he certainly wouldn't be trying to push her into the arms of his best friend. Did he know that Daniel was in love with her? Sam suspected that he did.
"Sir, I. . . . Daniel and I, we're. . . ." Sam stumbled over her words, not quite knowing what to say.
"You're what? Just friends? Then am I wrong about what just happened between you two?" Sam's furiously blushing face told him that he wasn't. "He loves you, Sam. If he hasn't already told you, then he should have. He'll probably kill me for telling you if he hasn't, but I'll risk it since I think you'd be an idiot not to do something about it. But, hey, that's just what I think. It's your life, and if you'd rather date guys like that Pete character, who obviously didn't deserve you, then that's your business. But I have to tell you, Carter. Unconditional love is a rare thing for a man to give a woman, let alone when it comes with the kind of respect and trust Daniel has for you. If I was ever lucky enough to have someone feel that way about me, I sure wouldn't throw it away."
Jack walked away, leaving Sam alone with her thoughts.
Teal'c showed up about an hour later. Two hours after that, Daniel still wasn't back, and both Jack and Sam were getting worried. The sun had slipped behind the mountains, and it was quickly getting dark. The colonel was wishing that he'd insisted that the younger man keep a radio with him at all times. He knew that Daniel was extremely capable of taking care of himself, but possessing psychic abilities wouldn't make a difference if he had gotten seriously hurt and was lying unconscious somewhere. And in the state of mind that Daniel was most likely in, he probably wasn't being as careful as he should be.
Though neither Jack nor Sam had told Teal'c what was going on, he knew that something was wrong. There was a feeling of tension between the colonel and the major, and Sam appeared to be upset about something. The Jaffa guessed that the lack of Daniel's presence was significant even though he had been told that the archeologist was merely taking a walk. When the sun went down and Daniel had still not returned, Teal'c was certain that his suspicions were correct. He noted that his companions appeared to be getting worried.
"Should Daniel Jackson not have returned by now?" he asked.
"Yes, he should," Jack replied. "If he doesn't come back soon, I'm going out to look for him, regardless of how dark it gets."
Sam sat beside the fire she had just lit, staring into its bright depths. This was all her fault. She should have said something to Daniel, talked to him about his feelings instead of just standing there like an idiot. She knew that they needed to talk about it, despite what Daniel had said about never mentioning it again. She just didn't know what she was going to say. What do you say to your best friend when you find out that he's in love with you and you're really not sure exactly how you feel about him? Thinking about that question, Sam realized what the two most important words in it were. Daniel was her best friend. She should be able to get past this and be a friend to him. There was just one big problem with that. During these hours, Sam had been thinking about how it felt to be kissed by him, how he tasted, the sensation of his large hands touching her intimately, his body moving against hers. It was amazing, wonderful. She had felt so alive, and she couldn't help but wonder what it would have been like if they hadn't stopped, if they had made love. Just the thought of it sent a wave of heat through her whole body.
Sam had admitted to herself that she very much wanted to experience those things again. She wanted to make love with Daniel, to come to know his body as well as she knew him as a person. But she wasn't sure if she was prepared to enter into a romantic relationship with him. Just the fact that he was her teammate would make things awkward. Though Jack apparently had nothing against them getting together, there was General Hammond to consider. Would he let them both remain on SG-1? Though there were no military regulations against them dating since Daniel was a civilian, that didn't mean that Hammond wouldn't insist that one of them leave the team. And what if it didn't work out between them? Could they go back to just being friends and still work together, or would the failed romance come between them?
When Sam had romantic feelings for Jack, she never thought about these things since she'd known that they could never have a relationship as long as both of them were in the military and in the same chain of command. But with Daniel, it was different, everything was different. Though she hadn't much cared for Jack lecturing her, she had to admit that he was right about some things. She and Daniel were a great team. The compatibility that was always lacking between her and Jack was there in spades with Daniel. But, again, that didn't necessarily mean that they could have a successful romance.
The sound of someone approaching had all three of them turning toward the noise. They were relieved to see Daniel. The relief was short-lived, however. Whereas, that morning, Daniel had looked happy and relaxed, he was now tense and completely closed off. He didn't look at Sam at all as he walked into camp, carrying the remainder of the things he and Sam had taken with them.
"We were getting kind of worried about you, Daniel," Jack said, not even a trace of censure in his voice. He could tell that his friend was in a great deal of emotional pain. The utter emotionlessness of the archeologist's face and the fact that he didn't look at any of them in the eyes was a dead giveaway.
Daniel set down the stuff he was carrying, except for his personal items. "Sorry. Lost track of time," he said, his voice as emotionless as his face.
"Well, it's my turn to cook, so just sit yourself down."
"Actually, I think I'll skip dinner. I'm not really hungry. I'm just going to jot some things down in my journal, then go on to bed. I'm kind of tired."
Not waiting for anyone to question him or object, Daniel went to his tent. A moment later, the lantern inside came on.
Jack looked over at Sam, and she couldn't help but see the blame there. They both knew that this was her fault. She just didn't know what to do to fix it. She couldn't tell Daniel what she knew he wanted to hear, that she was in love with him, too. The truth was that she was getting progressively more confused about her feelings for him with every passing hour. She loved him deeply as a friend. Of that she was certain. But she also strongly desired him as a woman. So, what did that mean?
Sam couldn't help but think of the Carl Anderson and Gloria Loring song "Friends and Lovers," a song about friends becoming lovers. In the song, the person reasoned that they didn't have to be just friends or lovers, that they could be both and that nothing would change if they made love. But that wasn't true with her and Daniel. A whole lot would change, and, unlike in the song, they'd be risking more than a broken heart by becoming lovers. Would it be worth the risk and what they might have to give up? Sam just didn't know, just as she didn't know if her feelings for Daniel were merely being influenced by lust.
Having no idea what to say to Daniel, Sam remained where she was. Jack fixed dinner in silence, and she ate it without really tasting it. When she looked over at the archeologist's tent again, she saw that the light was out.
Not feeling very sociable, Sam went to her own tent right after dinner. After getting dressed for bed, she sat on her sleeping bag, staring at nothing for a very long time. Finally, she crawled into the bag and turned off the lantern. It took a very long time for sleep to claim her.
