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I Will Remember You: Part 4 – Fallen

Categories: Angst, Drama, Romance
Rating: PG-13 / R
Content Warning: Mild Profanity, Adult Themes, Strong Sexual Content
Spoilers: Fallen/Homecoming
Author's Notes: This is the final story in a 4-part series, covering portions of the events in Meridian, Metamorphosis, Full Circle and Fallen/Homecoming.  The story takes an AU turn in Part 3 and 4.  A portion of the lyrics from the song "I Will Remember You" is quoted in each part and has some connection to what takes place in the story.

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

– Sarah McLachlan, "I Will Remember You"

Arrom slowly walked through the woods, his gaze upon the ground, paying little attention to where he was going.  Arrom.  It bothered him that he'd begun to think of himself with that name, a name that he knew was not really his.  But then, did he have a choice?  His lost memories refused to relinquish the name that really belonged to him, no matter how hard he tried.

For the two months that he'd been with the nomads who'd named him, he'd tried to fit in, to be one of them, but he couldn't.  He felt like an outsider, a man who didn't belong.  So, where did he belong?  Did he belong anywhere?

More troubling even than this was the feeling of something being missing, something precious and infinitely important, something that had left a void inside him.  It was more than just his lost memories.  There was something else as well, though he had no idea what it could be.  Whatever it was, he ached for it.  How could you ache for something when you didn't even know what it was?

No longer in the mood to walk, Arrom turned left and began making his way up the slope that would take him back to the ancient city within which Shamda's people had taken up residence.  He was approaching the crest when he was confronted by four strangers pointing weapons at him.  Surprised but not overly alarmed, Arrom stared at them and watched their stern expressions transform into ones of shock.

"Doctor Jackson?" the closest man said.

Arrom blinked and frowned.  "Who?  I . . . I don't know that name.  Who are you?"

"I'm Colonel Reynolds of SG-3.  Are you saying you don't recognize me?"

Arrom stared intently at the man's face, then at the faces of the others.  He shook his head.  "I have no memories of you.  Actually, I have no memories of anything at all from before two months ago, when I suddenly showed up here."  He felt a spark of hope blossom within him.  "Are you saying that you know me?"

"Well, if you're the man you look like you are, then, yes, we definitely know you.  Come on.  We need to take you back to the city.  SG-1 is going to flip."

"Who is SG-1?"

"I'll let them explain."

As they walked back to the city, Arrom's excitement was tempered by fear.  For these two months, he'd been eager to find out who he was, but he'd also been afraid, afraid of what he'd learn when he discovered his identity.  Now, he was about to discover the truth, and the fear was growing.  What if he didn't like what he was going to learn?  What if he didn't like the man he'd been?

As they entered the city, Daniel's nervousness escalated.  He tried to clamp down on it, to put a lid on his building feelings.  He heard Reynolds speak to someone.

"Colonel.  We found something you might want to see."

As Daniel descended the steps, his eyes fell upon another four people dressed in the same outfits as the other strangers.

"Daniel?" said a grey-haired man whose expression bore the same look of surprise that the others had.

"Arrom," said Shamda.

The grey-haired man turned to him.  "Arrom?"

"It's what we call him," Khordib told him.

"It means 'Naked One'," Shamda explained.

"That's how we found him in the forest two moons ago."

"Seems he doesn't remember who he is," Reynolds said.

Just then, the blonde woman stepped up to Daniel.  "Daniel?" she said hopefully, a soft smile on her lips.

As Daniel gazed at her face, he was suddenly hit by a powerful feeling that shook him deeply.  He knew her.  He did not know her name or what she was to him, but he knew her.  He was certain of it.  And, whoever she was, she meant a great deal to him.

The woman reached out to touch his shoulder, and, all at once, Daniel was terrified of what he was feeling.

"It's okay," she said.  "It's me, Sa—"

Daniel blocked her hand with his, preventing her from touching him.  There was a look of surprise and pain in her eyes at his reaction.  He searched those eyes, seeking the knowledge of why he was feeling these things, why he recognized her and nobody else.

"Do you not recognize us, Daniel Jackson?" asked the big, dark-skinned man with the gold emblem on his forehead.

Daniel dropped his hand.  "I'm sorry."  He walked away, aiming for his tent.  He heard the voice of the grey-haired man call after him.

"Not even me?"

Daniel did not stop.  He escaped into his tent and sat down, lowering his face into his hands.  He took a deep, unsteady breath.  Daniel Jackson.  He now had a name to give to his missing identity, but it meant nothing to him.  These people who claimed to know him were all strangers to his eyes . . . all except for her.  Who was she?  How could he recognize her face yet remember nothing about her or himself?  What he'd felt when he looked at her was so strong, so encompassing.  She was someone very important to him.  He might not know anything else, but he was sure of that.

So, what was he going to do now?  Those people could answer his questions about who he was, where he came from, maybe even why he'd lost his memories, but did he really want to know?  A part of him said yes, but another part was still afraid of what he might learn.

Daniel didn't know how long he'd been sitting there when the grey-haired man came in.  The conversation that followed confused Daniel a whole lot more than it enlightened him.  When the man left a few minutes later, Daniel really didn't know what to think and even less what to do.  He sat in the dimness of his tent, staring at an unlit candle.  After a moment, he decided to light it.  He was in the midst of doing that when the golden-haired woman appeared in the opening of the tent, and Daniel felt his heart do a little flip-flop in his chest.

"Can I come in?" she asked.

For a fleeting moment, Daniel was tempted to say no, unsure if he was ready to speak to her.  Feeling the need to remain in darkness, he blew out the candle he'd just lit.

"Sure," he said, keeping his voice emotionless.

The woman sat down nearby.  "So. . . ."

Daniel stared at her.  "What did you say your name was again?"

"Samantha Carter.  You used to call me Sam."

'Sam,' he repeated silently.  'I know you, Sam.  I know your face.  It makes me feel so many things.'

Shoving that thought aside, Daniel said, "Yeah, well, like I already told Jim—"

"Uh . . . Jack."

"Jack?  Yeah, I told him. . . ."

"I guess what I don't understand is why you aren't dying to know all about who you are."

"I am . . . and I'm not."

"See, it's the not part that—"

"What if I don't like who I was?" Daniel interrupted.  "What if I don't want to be that person?  What if I don't have it in me to make up for something I've done wrong?"

"I have to admit that never occurred to me.  Look.  We all thought we'd lost you at one point."  Sam's eyes met his intently.  "It was one of the hardest things I have ever been through.  You were – you are – brilliant.  One of the most caring, passionate. . . .  You're the type of person who would give his own life for someone he doesn't even know."

Sam's words encouraged him a little.  "Well, that doesn't sound so bad."

"If you had one fault, it was that you wanted to save people so badly, you wanted to help people so much, that it tore you apart when you couldn't make a difference."

Was what she was saying really true?  He didn't think it could be.  She was making him out to be some kind of saint.  She was probably just exaggerating.

"Now that actually sounds kind of hard to live up to," Daniel told her.

Sam leaned forward.  "All I know is that if I were you, I would definitely want to get to know me . . . you."

Daniel almost smiled at her slip.  "I get it."

"Come back with us.  Let us show you who you are instead of just telling you."  She caught his eyes.  "Please, Daniel.  We want you to come home."

The plea in her voice made him look deeper into her eyes, and, all at once, he was lost in their blue depths.  He wanted to touch her so badly, but he held himself back, disturbed by the strength of his emotions.

"I'll . . . I'll think about it," he said.

He saw a look of disappointment come into her eyes.  "Okay," she said.  She made a move to rise, but he stopped her, suddenly needing to know what she was to him.

"Wait."  He searched her eyes again.  "Was . . . was there ever anything between us?"

Sam breath caught, and, to his dismay, tears flooded her eyes.

"Yes," she whispered.  "We . . . we shared something very special.  We were really, really good friends, the best of friends, but then . . . but then something more happened, something wonderful."

A powerful urge to caress her face arose in Daniel, and he had to fight it down.  Too much was happening way too fast.  He needed to think.

"I-I need to be alone for a while," he said.

Wiping a finger over her eyes, Sam gave him a nod and got up.  He did not watch her leave.

So the feelings he had were based upon something real.  Were he and Sam lovers?  Boyfriend and girlfriend?  Something even more?

All at once, Daniel desperately wanted to know.  He wanted to know all about her, all about himself, if he really was the kind of man that she claimed him to be.

Daniel rose and packed a few belongings in a bag, the only things that had any real meaning to him.

As he approached the tent opening, he heard the dark-skinned man ask, "What of Daniel Jackson?"

Daniel stepped out of the tent and replied, "He's going home."  His gaze went to Sam, and he saw joy light her face.

The grey-haired man was smiling, too, though it was much more restrained.  "Well, it's about damn time.  Come on, then.  I can't wait to see the look on Hammond's face when he sees you."  He pointed his thumb at the man with the dark skin.  "Oh, by the way, this is Teal'c," he gestured at another man, "and that's Jonas Quinn."

"I am pleased that you are returning with us, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c said.  "You have been greatly missed."

As they walked to the thing that Shamda's people called the Chaapa'ai, Daniel kept finding his gaze going to Sam.  Every once in a while, she caught the look and returned it, smiling at him.

"So, Daniel," drawled the man named Jack . . . or was it Jim?  "They said they found you naked in the forest."

"Uh . . . yes."

A little smile was playing about the man's lips.  "Totally naked?  Not a stitch of clothing on?"

Daniel felt a spark of irritation.  "Yes."

"Must have been rather chilly, eh?"

"Sir," Sam said disapprovingly, frowning at Jack.

Jack said nothing more, though it was quite obvious that he was amused.

It didn't take long for them to reach the Chaapa'ai.

"We call this the Stargate," Jack announced.  "Actually, if it wasn't for you, we'd be calling it the Doorway to Heaven instead, which just doesn't roll off the tongue nearly as well."

Having no idea what the man was talking about, Daniel glanced at Sam, who smiled and stepped up to the device in front of the Stargate.  As Daniel watched carefully, she began to press some of the symbols on it, each of which lit up.  The inner ring of the Stargate had begun to rotate.

After pressing seven symbols, Sam laid her hand on the orange dome at the center.  Seconds later, a loud burst of what looked like water leapt from the Stargate, startling Daniel.

"It's okay," Sam said.  "It's a normal reaction.  It's an unstable vortex generated by—"

"Carter, the man has amnesia," Jack interrupted.  "He's confused enough as it is.  I don't think it's going to help matters for you to fill his head with technobabble."

"Yes, sir.  Sorry."

Jack pressed the button on his radio.  "Stargate Command, this is SG-1.  Come in."

"This is General Hammond, Colonel.  How are things going over there?"

"Well, sir, we got one hell of a surprise.  We bumped into an old . . ." he glanced at Daniel, "friend here."


"Yeah.  Guess who's come back from Oma Desala land.  Our very own Daniel Jackson."

There was a moment of silence.  "Doctor Jackson is there?"

Jack grinned.  "Yep, he sure is, every solid, flesh and blood inch of him."

"Are you saying that he's descended?"

"It would appear so."

"Has he explained what happened?"

"Well, that's the rub, General.  It seems that he has amnesia.  He doesn't remember a thing, not even who he is.  He's been here for two months, which means that he's been here pretty much the whole time since the events on Abydos."

"I see.  Bring him on through, Colonel.  I will notify Doctor Fraiser so that she can set up whatever tests she feels he needs, including, of course, an MRI."

Sam spoke up.  "Sir, Daniel isn't . . . that isn't a concern.  I don't sense a Goa'uld, and neither does Teal'c."

"Nevertheless, it's standard procedure."

"Yes, sir."

"What's a Goa'uld?" Daniel asked.

The others all looked at each other.

"We'll tell you later," Jack replied.  "Come on.  Let's go home."

As Daniel walked up the steps to the Stargate, he couldn't help but wonder what was going to greet him on the other side.

Sam gazed through the observation window down at the man sitting on the bed.  Janet had chosen to place him in an isolation room for the time being, thinking that he might feel more comfortable being alone, especially considering that everyone who saw him apparently couldn't help but stare.

Sam understood their reaction.  She couldn't believe that he was actually here, real, solid and alive.  A part of her wanted to run shouting for joy through the corridors of the SGC.  The other part couldn't forget the fact that he didn't know her, that he didn't know any of them.  They were strangers to him.  All the memories of his years with them were gone.  His memories of the incredible lovemaking he shared with her were gone.  Would he ever get them back or were they gone forever?  The thought that he might never regain them made her want to cry.  He had to get them back.  He had to remember her.

Sam mentally shook her head, her eyes going back to Daniel.  She shouldn't weep for those lost memories, not when what was really important was this, having Daniel back home with them.  That's what truly mattered.  New memories could be made, and she'd do everything in her power to make sure that lots of them were good memories, though, if he never got back his old ones, it was unlikely that he'd be allowed to work at the SGC, at least not for quite a while, especially if he'd forgotten all his linguistic and archeological knowledge as well.  But, as great as having him back in the program would be, that, too, was of lesser importance than just having him back period.  She'd been given a second chance to build a life with Daniel, regardless of what that life might be, and she wasn't going to let that opportunity pass her by.  She was going to hold onto it with both hands.

The astrophysicist thought about what happened in Daniel's tent.  Somehow, he'd guessed that there had been something between them.  Was it just her glowing words of praise that made him think that or had he felt something?  She hoped it was the latter.

Sam got up and left the room, heading to her lab.  She sat down at her worktable and tried to work, but it didn't take very long for her to realize that it was a wasted effort.  She couldn't concentrate.  All she could think about was Daniel.  She could only imagine how he was feeling, how hard this must be on him.  She wished that there was something she could do to help.

She was still in her lab, struggling to concentrate on work, when, a couple of hours later, Jack and Daniel came in.  Just the sight of the archeologist made a little bubble of happiness inside her swell, and she couldn't stop herself from smiling.  He smiled back.

"Hi," she said to him.


Jack spoke up.  "The doc's all done with him and gave him a clean bill of health.  I was just about to take him to the commissary for a bite to eat, and I figured that you might like to join us.  Teal'c's already eaten, but he said he might stop by later."

Sam smiled again.  "I'd love to."

They went to the commissary, where Sam guided Daniel on selecting food items that she knew he'd like, including a cup of coffee.

After sitting down at the table, he sniffed at the beverage.  "Are you sure I liked this stuff?"

Jack snorted.  "Daniel, Starbuck's probably built one of their coffeehouses with the money that you alone gave them."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, but I guess that was a yes."  He took a tentative sip as the others watched him.

"So?" Jack inquired.  His inquiry was answered when Daniel took a second, much bigger swallow, a smile of pleasure on his face.

Daniel put down the coffee and tried a bite of his food.  Deciding that he liked the taste, he dug into his meal, not realizing until that moment that he was actually quite hungry.  He'd been eating for a few minutes when he realized that Sam and Jack were staring at him.  Suddenly feeling self-conscious, he looked back and forth between them.

"What?  Why are you staring at me like that?"

"I'm sorry, Daniel," Sam said.  "It's just so great to have you back.  We . . . we really missed you."

Daniel looked into her eyes and saw a hint of tears there.  There were so many things he wanted to ask her, but they were questions that needed privacy.  Instead, he chose to ask about something else.

"What is the story about me ascending?"  He looked at Jack.  "You said that I died."

All joviality disappeared.  Sam and Jack exchanged a long look.

"Maybe it would be better if we didn't get into that right now," the colonel said.

"Why?  From what little you and others have said, it has something to do with what happened to me and why I can't remember anything.  If I'm going to have any hope of figuring any of this out, I need to know."

Jack let out a sigh.  "All right, Daniel.  But I warn you.  It isn't pretty."

As they all ate, the colonel and Sam told Daniel about Kelowna and the terrible days that followed, keeping the details to a minimum.  They also told him a little about Oma Desala, including their first meeting with her on Kheb.  They explained about the Ancients' rule of noninterference and told Daniel that he broke that rule in an effort to stop Anubis from doing something terrible, but they did not tell him what that thing was, feeling that he didn't need to know yet about Abydos and how he'd failed to save its people.

At the end of it all, Daniel sat in silence, absorbing what he'd learned.  He couldn't say that he was sorry that he had no memory of those things.  He wasn't sure he wanted to remember dying.

Seeing his expression, Sam said, "This was a lot for you to take in, Daniel.  You've been through a lot today.  You should get some rest."

The archeologist nodded.  "I am a little tired, actually."

Jack got to his feet.  "I'll take you to your quarters.  While Doc was poking and prodding you, I took the liberty of doing a bit of decorating."

Daniel frowned and looked at him.  "Decorating?"

Jack smiled slightly.  "You'll see."

Sam watched them leave, a smile returning to her face.  It was just so great to have him home.  Things might be kind of rough for a while, but they'd all get through it . . . together.

Daniel stared at the photograph that Jack had placed in his room, along with several of his other possessions from before he ascended.  He wondered who the woman was.  If he and Sam were in some kind of relationship, why did he have a photo of another woman?  Was she a relative of some kind?

The archeologist set the photo down on the table and began wandering around.  There were too many questions clogging his mind for him to rest.  He wanted to know more about his former life, who Daniel Jackson really was.  More than that, he wanted to know about Sam.  Most of all, he wanted to know about what the two of them had shared.

Finally deciding that he needed to talk to her, he opened his door.

"May I help you, sir?" asked the SF standing outside.

"Um, I'd like to go see Samantha Carter."

"Yes, sir.  I'll take you to her lab."

Daniel would have told him that he could probably find the way on his own, but he had a feeling that the man was under orders not to leave him alone.

When they got to her lab, Sam was in the midst of working on something.  She smiled brightly upon seeing him.


"Hi.  Um, could we . . . talk?"

Sam was suddenly very nervous.  "Oh, um, of course."  She turned to the SF.  "You don't need to stay, Sergeant.  Daniel will be with me.  I'll let you know when we need you."

"Yes, ma'am."  The sergeant walked away.

Sam turned back to Daniel, seeing that, now, he looked a little nervous.  "Would you like to go somewhere more private?"

"Yeah, maybe that would be best."

"Okay.  We can go to your quarters or mine."


Sam decided that Daniel's quarters would be better.  Shortly after they got there, she spied the photo of Sha're.  Though she knew it was wrong of her, she felt a mild jolt of jealousy.  Turning away from the picture, she looked at Daniel.

"So . . . what did you want to talk about?"

Daniel laughed shortly.  "Where do I begin?  I have so many questions, about me, the life I led, what kind of person I really am," he waved his hands about, "what I did here.  Then there are all the questions about this place, the whole planet, actually."

Sam nodded.  "You know, I think that one good way to answer a few of your questions is for you to read some of our old mission reports.  I could have someone select some and give them to you."

"Thanks.  That would be great."  Daniel's eyes searching Sam's.  "And what about us?  Will those mission reports tell me something about that?"

Sam dropped her gaze to the floor, suddenly way more than just nervous.  She didn't know what to say.  Should she tell him about the one and only time they made love, about the confessions of their feelings for each other?  She'd already revealed that there was something between them.

"I recognized you," Daniel murmured.

Surprised, she looked at him.  "What?"

"When I saw you.  Everyone else's faces meant nothing to me.  They were all strangers to me, but when I saw you . . ." he stared into her eyes intently, "I . . . I knew you.  I didn't know your name, I had no idea who you were, but I knew that you were someone I'd had in my life, someone important."

"Oh my God," Sam breathed, her pulse rate quickening.

Daniel closed the distance between them until there was only a foot separating them.  "And I felt things, things deep inside, things that . . . that made me want to know what you were to me."

Sam's heart was racing now, her throat going dry.  She met Daniel's gaze, its intensity making her tremble inside.

"You said that we had something very special," he murmured.  "You said we were best friends and then became something more.  Was that true?"

"Yes," Sam whispered.

The depth of Daniel's gaze deepened, as if he were attempting to see right into her soul.  "What were we to each other, Sam?"

Unable to hold it in any longer, Sam let him see in her eyes what she felt for him.  "We loved each other."

Seeing that look in her eyes, hearing those words, Daniel wanted so desperately to pull her into his arms and kiss her.  He had no real memories of this woman, no recollection of their life together, but what he was feeling was so strong, so deep that it shook him to the core of his being.

Unable to stop himself, he cupped her cheek, watching as her eyes closed at the contact, her hand resting upon his to press it tighter against her face.  A single tear slipped free from beneath her closed eyelids.

"Sam," he murmured in a voice that trembled.  "I don't really know you.  I don't remember anything about you, yet I feel so much."

Sam's tear-brightened eyes opened to gaze into his.  "I love you so much, Daniel.  Being without you was like hell on Earth."

Daniel's eyes remained locked upon hers as his thumb brushed lightly across her lips.  He knew that he needed to back away, that to do what he so badly wanted to would be a mistake, but he was having a hard time making his body do what his brain was saying he must.

In the next moment, the decision was taken right out of his hands.

Quite suddenly, Sam lost the ability to fight her desire and pulled Daniel's mouth down to hers.  That proved to be too much for his self-control.  He let out a little groan and pulled her into his arms.  Her lips parted beneath his, and he immediately dove inside, the taste of her overpowering him.  The kiss remained slow, but oh so deep, a slow-burning fire that filled Daniel's body like heady wine.  He knew this taste, this feeling, and he wanted more of it.

Daniel had no idea how they got there, but he suddenly found himself sitting on the bed, Sam straddling his lap.  His hand slid down to her bottom and pulled her hips tight against his as their kiss moved past slow to hot, hungry and just a little bit desperate.

Sam knew that this was insane, that it was a bad idea in so many ways.  Daniel didn't even remember her, their friendship, the all too brief moment they'd shared as lovers.  How could she let this happen?  But how could she stop it now that it had begun?  She'd missed him so much this past year, ached to see him and touch him, ached, since that night he came to her, to make love to him again.

Daniel finally wrenched his mouth from hers.  "God, Sam.  We can't do this," he gasped raggedly.  "I need to know you first, all the things we shared."

Sam searched his eyes, common sense finally taking hold.  She nodded and got off his lap, settling beside him.  He took her hand in his, gazing down upon it as he caressed the back of it with his thumb.

"Tell me about us, Sam," he requested.

Sam searched his eyes.  "Daniel, if you really did recognize me.  If you really could feel that we were something special to each other, it means that there is a good chance you'll get your memories back.  They aren't really gone.  I want you to remember us, not just be told."

"I do, too, Sam, more than anything.  Just . . . just tell me some of the important things.  Okay?"

Sam smiled.  "Okay."  Her smile got bigger.  "Well, first of all, I'll tell you something that I never did before.  The very first time I laid eyes on you, one of the things that went through my mind was, 'Wow, he is way better looking than that photo in his file.'"

Daniel laughed.  "Really?"

"Oh, yeah."

Sam proceeded to tell him a little about their bonding experience in the map room on Abydos, how much he'd impressed her even before she met him.  She then told him about moments in their friendship, the way their minds melded when they worked together on projects.  She was telling him about one particular project they'd worked on together when there was a knock on the door.  They both got to their feet, Sam hastily straightening her clothing and smoothing her hair as Daniel went to the door.  It was the SF who'd been assigned to watch over him.  The sergeant's eyes went to Sam.

"Major.  When I didn't find you in your lab, I guessed that you might be here.  General Hammond needs to speak with you."

"Okay.  I'll be right there."  She looked at Daniel.  "We'll talk more later."

He smiled and nodded.  "Okay."

As Sam approached the door, she suddenly thought of something.  "Um, I'll be out in a moment, Sergeant."

Realizing that she wanted privacy, the SF shut the door and waited outside.

Sam turned to Daniel.  "Uh, Daniel, nobody knows that you and I are more than friends."

"It's a secret?"

"Well . . . sort of.  I'll explain later."

Daniel came up to her and kissed her lips softly.  "Okay.  I'll be looking forward to it."  His eyes searched hers, his expression now serious.  "I will remember you, Sam, no matter what it takes."

She gave him a smile, having confidence that he would.  Repeating his words, she said, "I'll be looking forward to it."

Sam never did get the chance to explain.  She was tied up for the rest of that day.  The next day, Daniel discovered that he could read a language called Ancient, and Jonas came up with an idea on how to trick Anubis, which led to them devising a daring and dangerous plan to destroy the half-ascended Goa'uld's superweapon.

During the events that followed, Sam came very close to losing Daniel again, not once but twice, the first time when he and Jonas were trapped onboard Anubis' ship, the second time when he was nearly shot by a Jaffa.  That second time, Jonas took the staff weapon blast meant for Daniel, nearly sacrificing his life for the man to whom he had felt he owed a debt he could never repay.

After it was all over, Jonas returned home to Kelowna to begin a new life as an ambassador, and Daniel was officially put back on SG-1.

He, Sam and Teal'c were now all at Jack's place, enjoying dinner, something that Jack informed him they had done many times over the years.  Daniel was beginning to remember those years, some of the memories good, others most definitely not good.  He now knew who the woman in the photograph was.  Her name had been one of the first memories he'd recovered.  She had been his wife, and he had loved her deeply.

Daniel's eyes went to the woman whose hair was as light as Sha're's had been dark, another woman he loved deeply.  He was remembering about her, too, memories of their friendship, of working with her, being on missions together.  Yet, for some reason, he hadn't regained even one memory of their life together as lovers.  Why?  Shouldn't those memories be stronger than all the rest?  His gaze went to her repeatedly during the evening, searching desperately for the memories he knew must be in his head somewhere.

It was getting pretty late when the day's events caught up to Daniel, and he decided that he needed to get some sleep.  Jack offered to let him stay in the spare bedroom until he could find a place of his own, but since he had no change of clothes, the archeologist decided that it would be best if he went back to the base that night.  Sam volunteered to drive him and Teal'c back there, but the Jaffa stated that he wished to see the remainder of the movie that Jack had just turned on.  Daniel suspected that Teal'c had noticed the way he kept looking at Sam and that the real reason for the Jaffa's refusal of the ride was to give the two a chance to talk in private.

Daniel and Sam had been driving for around five minutes when the archeologist suddenly said, "I can't remember us."

Sam glanced at him, tightness beginning to form in her chest.

"I've tried," Daniel continued.  "I'm remembering things we did as friends.  I remember missions, projects we worked on together.  I'm even recalling times we ate breakfast or lunch together in the commissary, but I can't remember us being together, no kisses or . . . or anything else."  He looked at her profile in the darkness.  "Why is that?  Why am I not remembering those things?"

Sam closed her eyes briefly and sighed.  "There were things I was going to tell you, but I didn't get the chance."

"What things?"

Sam made a decision and turned left at the next corner instead of going straight.

"Where are we going?" Daniel asked.

"My place.  I think we need to talk."

Daniel said nothing further.  He stared out the windscreen, wondering what Sam had to tell him.  There had been a hint of tension in her voice.

As they pulled up to Sam's house, he studied it, the memory of seeing it before coming to his mind.  When they went inside, more memories came to his mind, including one of the two of them eating takeout Chinese while discussing the intricacies of a movie they'd just gone to see, Sam ripping the science fiction film to shreds as he listened in amusement.

"Would you like something to drink?" Sam asked, heading to the kitchen.

"No thanks."

Sam got herself some water, and Daniel followed her into the kitchen.

"Sam, what haven't you told me?" he asked.

The astrophysicist stared at the glass in her hands.  "It only happened once," she said in a low voice.


Sam set the glass down.  "I'm assuming that you haven't read the mission report about what happened on P3X-367.  It was a mission we went on after you ascended."

"No, I haven't read any of those reports yet."

Sam looked at him.  "Do you recall any of our encounters with Nirrti?"

Daniel nodded.  "Yeah.  I remember about the stuff with Cassie, and I recall bits and pieces of what happened during the process of making Earth an Asgard-protected planet."

"Well, we tangled with her again while you were gone."

Sam told Daniel about the horrific events, what Nirrti was doing to the people of P3X-367 in her efforts to create a Hok'tar.  Daniel was horrified, even more so when Sam told him that she was put in the machine as well.

"I'm so sorry, Sam," he said.  "I wish I'd been there for you."

Sam caught his eyes.  "You were there, Daniel."

The archeologist stared at her.  "What?"

"None of us knew it at the time, but you were there, watching everything that happened.  You couldn't stop it because of the rules of the Ancients, but you . . . you did help me.  When I was in the machine, you shielded me from some of the pain.  I'm also certain that you had a hand in getting Egar to decide to read Nirrti's mind and see how she'd been lying and using his people."

Daniel was relieved that he'd helped his friends in some way, but he could tell that there was more to the story than this.

Sam headed into the living room.  "It was a month later that you came to me, right here in this room.  You came to apologize for not being able to stop Nirrti from hurting me, but it turned into so much more than that."  She turned to face him.  "We confessed how we felt about each other, and then . . . we made love.  We both knew it shouldn't happen, but I'd missed you so much, and . . ." tears came to Sam's eyes, "and I wanted to be with you so badly.  It was the first time, Daniel, the only time we were together as more than just friends."  Her voice dropped to barely more than a whisper.  "That's why you can't remember our life together.  There was no life together.  I didn't even realize I was in love with you until you lay dying, and you woke up to your feelings for me during that incident with Nirrti."

Stunned, Daniel sat on the couch.  He'd come to Sam as an Ascended Being and made love to her.  He knew it was possible.  He'd read the report about Orlin and had some vague memories of those events.  But the knowledge of what he'd done was affecting him deeply.

Sam stared at the shocked expression on Daniel's face.  The fact that he had no memory of that night was confirming something that she had already begun to suspect.  Throughout the evening, Daniel had talked about things he was starting to recall, but every one was a memory of his life as a human, before his ascension.  He hadn't said one word about remembering something from the year he was ascended.  Though she'd known that those memories might come back eventually, she'd wondered if it was possible that they never would, if Oma had made sure that they would never be recovered.  It made sense, really.  Out of all his memories, the ones of what he did while ascended would be the ones that the Ancients would most want to remain lost.

'Will you ever remember, Daniel,' she asked silently, 'remember me like that, what we shared that night?  I'm so afraid that you never will.'

As if reading her mind, Daniel lifted his eyes to hers and said, "I'm never going to remember, am I.  I haven't recalled even the tiniest instant of the time I was ascended.  It's like that year never existed."  He turned his face away.  "I'm never going to remember us being together."

Hearing the sound of heartbreak in his voice, Sam sat on the sofa beside him.  She turned his head to look at his face, trying to meet his eyes.  "We'll make new memories, Daniel.  We'll make new memories of us being together.  That won't be the only one."

Click here to go to version with milder sexual content

Daniel's eyes finally met hers, and their gazes locked in an intense stare.  In the next instant, they were kissing, fueled by need and desperation.  Within seconds, Sam was attacking the buttons of Daniel's shirt as he began yanking her top out from her pants.  Both articles of clothing were soon on the floor.  Daniel pulled Sam onto his lap, crushing their bodies together, her thighs straddling him as their lips came together in another wildly passionate kiss.  Never releasing her mouth, Daniel found the catch of Sam's bra and undid it, then fairly ripped the bra from her body to send it sailing through the air.  Then he was pulling her up onto her knees, his mouth descending to her breasts.  She clutched at him as he all but devoured her.

Daniel was nearly out of his mind with desire, his need for Sam consuming him.  He twisted around and laid her on the couch, his lips going down her body to the soft expanse of her stomach.  Sam moaned low in her throat as he unfastened her pants and pulled them and her panties down, his mouth following their descent, stopping at the apex of her thighs.  Sam let out a little cry when his mouth fell upon that place.

"Oh, God!" she shouted, her back arching, hands clutching the sofa cushions.  Very soon, she began to shake, her climax rushing upon her like a tsunami.  And then, two of Daniel's fingers pressed inside her, and she came apart, calling his name.

Daniel watched her come, thinking that it was one of the most beautiful things he'd ever seen.  He was virtually shaking with his own need to be inside her, to create a new memory to replace the one he'd lost.

Still trembling from the aftermath of her orgasm, Sam stared up at Daniel, seeing his need for her in the brilliant blue depths of his eyes.  She reached a hand up and cupped it behind his head, pulling him down to her mouth as her other hand fumbled at the fastenings of his pants.  Unable to accomplish her goal quickly enough with just the one hand, she added the other one to the effort as their mouths remained mated in a fiery kiss.

The button and zipper undone, Sam shoved his pants down, along with his boxers.  And then he was in her hand, her touch wrenching a small cry from his throat.  He kicked off his shoes and quickly shed his remaining clothes.  And then he was on top of her.  His mouth found Sam's again as he thrust all the way into her, their mutual cries lost in the caverns of each other's mouths.

Almost immediately, Daniel began to move, every deep push into Sam making him feel like he was going to fly right over the edge even though they'd barely begun.  He fought to maintain some semblance of control, but the feelings generated by the union of their bodies were overwhelming him.

But Sam was right there with him, meeting every thrust into her with a counter-thrust, a second orgasm already building inside her.  This time, there was no otherworldly sharing of their psyches, no Ascended powers joining their souls in a psychic bond, but it didn't matter for it was Daniel who was making love to her, and, even without that added connection, what she was feeling was far greater than anything she'd ever experienced with another man.

"Oh, God, Sam," Daniel gasped.  "I'm going to. . . ."

"Me too," Sam moaned.  "I'm right there with you."

Those words were the undoing of Daniel's last shred of control.  With a shout, he released into her, overcome by the sheer force of it.  Feeling him come inside her sent Sam careening over the precipice with him.

For a long time after the last fiery tendrils of their climaxes had faded, Daniel remained where he was, feeling Sam's body gradually calm beneath him, her breathing slowing along with his.  At last, he lifted his head from where it had lain beside hers and met her gaze.  She smiled up at him, the sweetest, happiest smile he'd ever seen on her face.

"I love you," she said.

Daniel brushed his fingers down her cheek.  "And I love you.  I can't even express how much."  He lifted off of her and slid to the side, squeezing into the space between her and the couch back as he pulled her body tight against his, curving a hand under the back of her left thigh to hook her leg over his hip.  Their bodies now yet again as close as they could be, he ran his hand all the way down her back to the curve of her bottom, where he proceeded to draw some arcane design with his fingertips.  The intimate touch made Sam quiver.  She had a sneaking suspicion that she would not be taking Daniel back to the base any time soon.

Daniel's eyes took in every inch of Sam's face, the contented curve of her lips, the heightened color of her cheeks, the spark of desire still in her eyes.  She was so beautiful.  And, as amazing as it was, she was his.  He would never be alone again.  He'd finally found where he belonged; it was right here in Sam's arms.  No matter what he might have seen or experienced as one of the Ascended, it couldn't have compared to this.

It was then that Daniel realized that the feeling he'd had on Vis Uban, the feeling of something important being missing, had been the empty place in his heart that should have been filled by Sam.  Even though he hadn't even known she existed, his heart had been missing her.

As that realization came to him, a memory suddenly leapt into Daniel's mind of him and Sam holding each other and crying in her living room.  It was followed by another memory, one of their embrace becoming a kiss, their first kiss.  And then the floodgates opened, and all the memories began pouring into Daniel's mind of that night he came to Sam, his heart aching with the need to see her.  The memories of their lovemaking filled his awareness, the images and sensations of their bodies and souls being joined in a union of absolute totality.

Daniel let out a gasp as the memories of that night kept coming.  Hearing the gasp, Sam looked at him, seeing his widened eyes looking off at nothing.  She was about to ask what was wrong when his gaze focused upon her.

"I remember, Sam," he said with a touch of awe in his voice.  He began to smile.  "I remember."

Understanding what he was saying, she laughed and brought her lips to his.  He cupped his hand behind her head and deepened the kiss.

"This is so wonderful," Sam said after the kiss ended, bubbling with happiness.  "I was so afraid you were never going to remember.  Are any other memories from when you were ascended coming back to you now?"

Daniel searched his memories before replying.  "No, not a one.  The rest of that year is still a complete blank."

The scientist in Sam was intrigued.  "I wonder why you'd get back the memories of that night, but nothing else."

Daniel shrugged slightly.  "Why did I remember your face when I had no memories of anything else from my life, including my own name?  Teal'c believes that Oma cheated with my memories, made it so that they weren't permanently forgotten.  Perhaps she's responsible for this as well."

Sam shook her head.  "I don't think so.  You know what I think?"


"I think you made it happen.  Whenever there was something really important, something that really mattered to you, you never gave up about it.  You'd fight against everyone and everything to do what you felt was right.  I think that you wanted to keep those memories of us so much that you managed to overcome whatever it was that Oma did to you."

Daniel smiled at her display of faith in his ability to overcome the power of an Ascended Being.  "And where is your evidence to support this theory, Major-Doctor Carter?" he asked teasingly.

Sam grinned.  "Years of watching you butt heads with the colonel and dozens of other people and aliens and, more often than not, coming out the winner."

Daniel let out a soft chuckle.  "Sounds like solid evidence to me."

"You bet."

Daniel became serious.  "I don't know if I'll ever get back any of the other memories from that year, but, right now, I don't even care.  This was the only one that really mattered to me."  His eyes delved into hers.  "I wish I still had the power to do what I did that first time.  What we shared, how that felt, it was so incredible."

Sam ran her fingers through his hair.  "Yes, it was incredible, Daniel, something I'll never forget, but, in one very big way, this time was so much better than that first time.  Do you know why?"


"Because, as wonderful as that first time was, it also made me sad, because I knew that you were going to leave, even before you told me that you had to go."

"I'm so sorry, Sam.  I don't remember everything about why I had to go, but I do remember that it just about killed me to leave.  I wanted so badly to stay."

"I know, Daniel.  You did what you had to.  If you'd stayed, we wouldn't have found out about Anubis' plans to get the Eye of Ra until it was far too late.  Then who knows what might have happened."

Accepting what she'd said, Daniel pulled her head down to lie beneath his chin.  He stroked her hair, her shoulders and back.  And then his hand migrated to her front, finding the nipple of her left breast.  He stroked it with his thumb, very soon feeling it harden beneath his touch.

"So," he said, "will you be taking me back to the base?"

Sam's breath hitched as Daniel's touch moved further down her body.  She lifted her head and saw a little, mischievous smile on his face and in his eyes.

Pretending to be unaffected by what he was doing, Sam adopted a thoughtful look.  "Hmm.  Let me think about that a moment."  She acted like she was giving the question a great deal of thought as Daniel's hand reached its goal and started doing incredible things to a certain spot between her thighs.  At last, she gave up the pretense and pulled his mouth to hers in a hard, deep kiss. "Not on your life, Doctor Jackson," she declared with feeling.  "I've waited four months to get you back into my bed, and I have no intention of waiting a day longer."

Grinning, Daniel sat up, pulling Sam up with him.  "Well, then I suppose it's time that I end your wait."  He got off the couch and grabbed her hand, pulling her toward the awaiting bed to make some more memories – ones that would always be remembered.


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