CHAPTER SEVEN
"Sir, do you have a moment?"
General Landry looked up to see Cameron standing in the doorway of his office.
"Certainly, Colonel. What can I do for you?"
Cam came in and took a seat. "Now that Teal'c is back, I'd really like to get out there on a mission. I'm getting kind of antsy."
"Aren't you scheduled to return to Hedavin on Tuesday?"
"Yes, but I was thinking of something sooner."
"Sooner?"
"Yes, sir. On Sunday, to be precise."
"Why Sun. . . ." Landry suddenly recalled something and smiled ever so slightly. "Ah. Excellent idea, Colonel. All right. The mission to Hedavin can't be moved up, but the next one after that could, the one to . . ." he rummaged around on his desk and found a file, "M6D-720. We'll schedule it for 0700 Sunday morning."
"Thank you, sir. That'll work."
After talking with the general for a few more minutes, Cam left the office and headed up to Level 19. Sam was focusing intently upon some kind of gadget on her worktable when he came in.
"Hey, Sam. I wanted to let you know that the mission to M6D-720 has been bumped up to Sunday at 0700."
Sam frowned. "Why the change?"
"There were some . . . scheduling reasons. If you were going to be taking Sunday off, you can take off Saturday instead."
"Okay. Thanks for letting me know now. Daniel and were going to go on a date Saturday night. We'll have to reschedule it for tomorrow night."
Cam wheeled a chair over and straddled it. "So . . . about this thing with you and Jackson. There's no secret about his motivations, but I'm kind of wondering about yours."
Sam almost smiled. "Wow. I'm getting a real sense of deja vu here."
"Why?"
"Because General O'Neill called me a while ago, wondering the very same thing. And since you've probably been thinking the same thing he was, no I'm not dating Daniel just to keep him from going to Atlantis. That would be a horrible thing to do to him."
"So you're dating him because you really want to?"
"Yes, I really want to," Sam confirmed. "When he told me how he feels about me, I was totally blown away. I had no idea he felt like that way. Afterwards, I really got to thinking about it, how a relationship with him could be, and I realized that it could be fantastic."
"But only if you come to feel the same way about him."
"Yes, that is the one possible stumbling block. But our first two dates were terrific, and I'm really looking forward to the third. I really want this to work out."
"Well, I hope it does, and not just because I don't want to lose Jackson from the team. That guy definitely needs some happy stuff in his life. Because of these dates with you, I saw two smiles on his face in three days. That was a first."
Sam grew a smile of her own, though it didn't last long. "I wish you'd known Daniel in the early years. He was so different back then, before his wife died. The universe filled him with wonder. He loved the exploration, finding new cultures and civilizations. Even though he was worried about Sha're, he still found joy in some of the things we did and saw, in the ways we helped people. But then Sha're died, and our missions turned to more fighting and less exploration. He went through so much. As time passed, I saw his smiles less and less, and the sense of wonder seemed to disappear. After he descended, things were better, and, by the time Jack took over command of the SGC, he was smiling more and seemed to have finally found peace with a lot of things. But then the stuff with the Ori happened." Sam looked into Cameron's eyes. "I really want to see those smiles again, Cam. He smiled a lot on our dates, and it was great. I know that they're making him happy."
"And they're making you happy, too."
"Yes, they are, more so than what I'd anticipated when I first decided to do this. After the first date, I couldn't wait for the second one, and even as we were on the second one, I was thinking about what we could do on the third."
Cam studied Sam closely, wondering if it was possible that she was already falling for Daniel and just wasn't seeing it.
He got to his feet. "Well, I'm all for my teammates being happy. A happy team is so much more fun to be around. Of course, I've given up on Teal'c actually being happy, so, with him, I just settle for not unhappy. Unhappy Teal'c is definitely a condition to avoid, as we all know very well from firsthand experience."
After bidding Sam goodbye, Cam departed, his thoughts, for some strange reason, going to Vala.
"Hey."
Daniel looked up and saw Sam standing just inside his office. The smile that came to his lips made Sam think about what she'd told Cam.
"Hi," he said warmly.
"I wanted to let you know that the mission to M6D-720 has been moved up to Sunday."
"For what reason?"
"I don't know. Cam said something about it being a scheduling issue."
"Scheduling issue?" Suddenly, a knowing look came to Daniel's face.
Sam stared at him. "Do you know what he was talking about?"
"Yes, I believe I do. Think about what else is going to be happening on Sunday."
Sam frowned, trying to recall something that was happening on that day. Then, all at once, she remembered. "The Daedalus is leaving."
"Uh huh. How much you wanna bet that Mitchell requested the change so that I'd be off-world when it left?"
It all became clear to Sam. "If you're off-world, you couldn't suddenly change your mind about the transfer and hop onboard."
"Exactly."
Sam almost laughed. "He's really determined to keep you here."
"Yes, but he wouldn't have had to bother. I wasn't going to change my mind. So, what are we going to do about our date? Are we still doing it Saturday night?"
"No, I think we should change it to tomorrow night. Cam said that we could switch our day off to Saturday. Have you already made a dinner reservation?"
"Yes, but I can change it."
"So, where are we going?"
Another smile came to Daniel's lips. "You'll find out tomorrow night. I'll only tell you that you should dress up."
"Okay. I will do that. I'm really looking forward to it."
"Me too."
The dress Sam wore on their first date had been lovely. The one she wore on their third date made Daniel's heart race. It was made of a satiny midnight blue material and molded to every inch of her figure. Daniel tried to be a gentleman and keep his eyes north of the cleavage revealed by the low neckline, but, damn, was it ever hard. And when she turned away from him, being a gentleman went right out the window, and his gaze drifted even further south. He barely managed to snap it back up to her face when she turned back around.
The restaurant Daniel had chosen was among the ones he'd considered for their first date, one of the two that had a dance floor. He had every intention of getting Sam out on that floor before the evening ended.
As they talked over dinner, they really began opening up to each other. For the first time, Daniel talked to Sam about his grief over the death of his parents and the years that followed in foster care. Sam took his hand partway through and never let go.
"My parents' death was one of the worst things that ever happened to me," he said, "and yet, if they hadn't died, I very likely would not have joined the program. Funny how things work out, isn't it."
"Yes, it is. For me, it was the death of my mother. I have to wonder how different my decisions would have been if she hadn't been killed. I'm pretty sure that Mom wouldn't have wanted me to join the Air Force. She experienced firsthand with Dad how hard being in the military can be on your family life. She'd have wanted me to get married, have kids, make her a grandma. That might have been enough to make me choose to remain a civilian, and, if I had been a civilian, there is a very good chance that I wouldn't have gotten involved in the program."
"And we would never have met."
Sam gazed into Daniel's eyes. "Yes," she said, the thought of never having met him making her feel sad.
They finished their dinner and moved on to lighter conversation. The dishes had just been cleared away when Daniel's expression turned serious.
"I would very much like to dance with you, Sam," he said, searching her eyes.
She gave him a smile. "I'd like that, too."
They stood and walked to the dance floor. Daniel put an arm around Sam, taking one of her hands in his. And then they began to move in time to the music. Sam was surprised by how good it felt to be dancing with Daniel. She couldn't help but think about the one she shared with Jack, how he kept that little bit of distance between them the whole time. Would Daniel do the same?
Sam's question was answered during the second song. Ever so slowly, Daniel drew her toward him. Feeling no resistance, he pulled her close, his cheek coming to rest on her hair. She heard him take a deep breath and realized that he was drawing in her scent. He had one of her hands now held against his chest, the other arm wrapped around her waist. He was holding her so closely yet so very gently, like she was a precious, fragile treasure. After a few seconds, he rubbed his cheek against her hair, his nose dipping down close to her neck. She could feel his warm breath on her skin, and it made a little quiver run through her.
"I love you so much, Sam," Daniel said, his voice vibrating with emotion. "You'll never know how much. For all those years, I honestly thought that I'd never have the chance to be with you like this."
"Well, you were wrong, Daniel, and it isn't going to be the only time."
The archeologist lifted his head and searched her face intently. "Are you sure? Please be sure, Sam. If you're having any thoughts at all that this isn't going to work for you, I need to know now, because the more time I spend with you, the more I love you, and if it goes on for much longer, I really don't know if I'll be able to take it if you end things."
Sam met his gaze straight on. "I'm not having any thoughts like that, Daniel. I swear."
Daniel let out a long breath that was more like a sigh of relief.
They kept dancing, Sam having no desire to leave Daniel's arms. At one point, she closed her eyes and focused upon the feel of his body against hers, his scent, the sound of his breathing. And then she heard another sound. Daniel was humming very softly with the music. She started paying attention to the song and realized that it sounded vaguely familiar, though she couldn't remember the name.
As that song ended and another one began, Daniel glanced at his watch and was surprised to see how late it was.
"Wow. It's after eleven."
"It is? The time went by so fast." 'Too fast,' Sam added silently. She smiled at Daniel. "You know. We have tomorrow off, so there's no reason to rush home."
A bright smile lit Daniel's face. "Yes, but, if we're going to stay out late, I'd say that it'll have to be somewhere else. We appear to be the only ones left here."
Startled, Sam looked around and realized that Daniel was right. As they danced, the remaining diners had all left.
They returned to their table to get their coats and Sam's purse. They then walked out into the night, the check having already been paid.
"So, where to next?" Sam asked.
"Well, at this time of night, the only places open would be bars and some night clubs, and, to be perfectly honest, other than that wine we had with dinner, alcohol doesn't have much appeal for me these days."
Puzzled by that statement, Sam stared at him. "Is there a reason for that?"
Daniel's gaze shifted away from hers. "Um . . . let's just say that I . . . had a bit too much to drink recently."
Never having seen Daniel consume more than a couple of drinks in one evening, that really surprised Sam. "When?"
Daniel appeared to be getting more uncomfortable by the second. He was now staring at the ground, his hands in his pockets. "The, uh . . . the night before you went on the trip with Jack," he admitted reluctantly.
The confession nearly broke Sam's heart. "Oh, Daniel. I am so sorry."
He shook his head and at last lifted his eyes to hers. "No, Sam. Don't apologize. You don't have a thing to apologize for."
"Maybe so, but I still feel horrible that you were hurting so much because of me."
"Not because of you, Sam, because of my feelings for you, and you couldn't be held responsible for them. Like I said before, you didn't make me fall for you." Wanting to get the conversation off his drinking binge, Daniel then said, "We can still go to a bar or night club, if you want to. I'll just drink a club soda or something."
"No, that's okay." Sam gave him a smile. "Actually, I think what I would like is another walk."
Daniel returned the smile. "That sounds perfect."
They went to Daniel's car and drove to a park with a walking trail. As they strolled down the path, Daniel's gaze lifted to the sky. There, away from the city lights, he could make out some of the stars. As it often did, looking at the stars made him think of Sha're. He wondered what she would be thinking if she could see him now.
"What are you thinking?" Sam asked quietly, able to tell that he'd been deep in thought.
"I was thinking about Sha're, how she'd feel about this."
Sam studied his profile. "And?"
Daniel stopped walking. "And I think that she would approve. No, I know she would. In the vision that she sent me through the ribbon device, she made it clear that she wanted me to move past her death, and I know that included finding someone else to love. She would have wanted that for me." His tone softened. "She had such a generous heart."
Hearing the note of sorrow in his voice, Sam tightened her grip on his arm. Daniel gave her a smile and resumed walking. After a couple of minutes, he tentatively slipped an arm around her shoulders, and Sam did not object, putting her own arm around his waist. It felt good. All of it felt good, the dinner, the dancing, and, now, this quiet walk in the moonlight. Sam felt quite happy and content, and she really didn't want it to end.
It was going on midnight when they completed the loop and arrived back at the car.
"I guess we should get home," Daniel said.
"Yeah," Sam responded regretfully.
As they drove back to Sam's, neither one of them spoke. Daniel accompanied Sam to her porch.
"I had a wonderful time, Daniel," she told him. "I really do mean that."
"Thank you. I did, too."
Daniel's eyes looked deeply into Sam's as the urge to kiss her returned. This time, he could not deny it . . . at least not completely.
Sam's pulse quickened as Daniel leaned into her. He placed a gentle kiss on her cheek, his lips lingering there for several seconds. They brushed feather soft down her face, making a shiver run right up Sam's spine. As he drew away, his fingertips caressed her face where his lips had been. The look in his eyes was so full love that it made the breath catch in Sam's throat.
"Good night, Sam," he whispered, the same love in his voice.
Daniel released her and stepped back. As he started to turn away, a sudden desire took hold of Sam with irresistible force. She caught his arm, cupped her hand behind his neck, and pulled his lips down to hers. A sharp gasp escaped Daniel's throat. And then he was lost. He gathered Sam into his arms and pulled her tight against him as the kiss kept right on going, filling him with the most amazing feeling.
Sam was caught in her own tidal wave of sensations. All the things that she had expected to feel when Jack kissed her were now right there, washing through her body from head to toe. The Earth was moving, violins were playing, and there were more than a few fireworks going off. As for the heat, a spark had lit way down deep inside her and was very quickly growing into a bright flame.
Neither one of them knew how long the kiss lasted. They only knew that, by the time it finally ended, they were both feeling pretty overwhelmed.
Daniel pressed his forehead against Sam's, his eyes closed, as they just stood there, neither one of them prepared to move.
'Holy Hannah,' Sam was thinking, totally blown away by how much that kiss had affected her. She had not been expecting that at all.
As for Daniel, he very much wanted another kiss. The problem was that he wanted it way too much. He really needed to pull back now, before he pushed things too far.
Daniel lifted his head and looked into Sam's eyes. What he saw there was surprise.
"Sam," he murmured softly. "You have no idea how much I have wanted to do that. But I think . . ." he drew in a deep, steadying breath, "I think I should go now."
Still feeling a little stunned, Sam nodded distractedly. She remained where she was as Daniel released her and wished her a good night, then headed down the walkway, got in his car and drove away. It wasn't until he was gone that she went inside. She went straight to her bedroom and slowly sat on the bed.
From the start, Sam had suspected that kissing Daniel would be enjoyable, but never could she have imagined that it would feel that good. How could it have felt so good?
A terrible thought entered Sam's mind. It was one she didn't want to believe, but, given her history, she had to accept that it might be true. She wished that she had someone to talk to about this, a girlfriend to confide in, but since Janet's death, she hadn't formed any close bonds with another woman. She had a friendship with Carolyn Lam, the SGC's chief medical officer, but it wasn't close enough to share something like this.
Sam got up and went to her computer. After booting it up, she opened the folder that held a series of files that were a kind of electronic diary. Ever since Janet died, whenever Sam felt the need to share thoughts or emotions that she would have gone to the doctor about, she'd gotten into the habit of writing them down.
Sam began to type, starting the journal entry as she always did.
Dear Janet,
So much has happened lately. After years of dreaming about it, Jack and I finally began dating, but things didn't go as I'd always imagined they would. All the emotions that I thought I'd feel the first time we kissed, the first time we did more than kiss, just weren't there. That's when I realized that I was no longer in love with him. I had been just too blind to see it before then. Thankfully, it turned out that Jack felt the same way, so everything is okay between us.
No sooner did I make that revelation when one was made to me, one that shocked the hell out of me. Daniel is in love with me and has been for years. Never in a million years would I have guessed this. He loves me so much, Janet, that he was going to transfer to Atlantis because he couldn't bear the pain of seeing me and Jack together.
After finding that out, I made a really big decision. I decided to start dating Daniel to see if we could be more than friends. Yes, I know you're probably wondering if that was a wise thing to do since, up until now, I've never even considered having that kind of relationship with him, but I don't want to live with more regrets. I already have the regret that Jack and I missed our chance. I didn't want to miss this chance, too.Tonight we had our third date, and it was wonderful, just like the two that preceded it. But, unlike the first two, this one ended with a kiss, and what I felt was so extraordinary. It caught me totally by surprise. Yet, even though it really shocked me, I wanted him to kiss me again. I wanted more than just a kiss. Even as I'm sitting here writing this, a part of me is wishing that he hadn't left.
I really shouldn't have felt so much, Janet. It was too powerful. I'm now beginning to wonder if what I felt was just in my imagination. I really want this relationship with Daniel to work out, and I'm afraid that desire is making me feel things that aren't real. The truth is that, as pathetic as it sounds, I really don't know if I can trust my own feelings anymore. Look at what happened with Jack. I was so certain that I was still in love with him. I couldn't even tell when I stopped feeling like that. And that's not even the first time that I fooled myself into thinking that I felt things I didn't. I thought I was totally in love with Jonas Hanson, enough that I got engaged to him. It wasn't until after I saw the ugly side of him that I realized I had only been in love with the idea of being in love.
I know that I'm not in love with Daniel, but what am I feeling for him? I wish I didn't feel so uncertain. Could it really be that the only reason I felt what I did when he kissed me is that I want so much for this to work out? Sometimes, I am so lonely, Janet. I want somebody to be with. I want it so badly that I almost made the horrible mistake of getting into a committed relationship with one guy when I was still in love with another. How far would the thing with Pete have gone if I hadn't found out about that background check he did on me? Am I now making another mistake? I'm so afraid that, sooner or later, I'm going to realize that these things I'm feeling now aren't real. I don't want to break Daniel's heart, but that's what will happen if I have to end the relationship.
I really wish you were here for me to talk to. I know that you'd be able to give me some good advice. I guess I'm just going to have to play this by ear and see what happens. There's really nothing else I can do.
Sam saved the file and shut down her computer. For a long time afterwards, she stared at the blank screen, thinking about what it would mean if what she was feeling now wasn't real . . . and what it would mean if it was.
When Vala arrived at Cam's house late Saturday afternoon, she was nearly grinning like a little kid. She had been looking forward to this all day.
Cam got a surprise when she took off her coat and revealed that she was wearing a football jersey.
"Where did you get that?" he asked.
"When you told me that Captain Morales played football in college, I decided to talk to him to get some information in advance. He told me that if I really wanted to get into the football spirit, I should wear a jersey. There was not enough time for me to order one online, so he let me borrow his."
Looking at her, Cam had to admit that she looked great in the jersey, even if it did swim on her. She was wearing her hair down rather than in her usual ponytails, and the long black tresses were mostly obscuring the number on the back of the jersey, the name completely hidden.
"Well, come on into the living room," he said. "I've got everything all set up."
Vala followed him into the room and saw that the coffee table was crammed full of sandwiches, crackers, potato chips, two or three dips, and several other snack foods.
"There's soda and beer in the fridge," the pilot told her.
"Is it customary to eat this much food during a football party?"
Cam looked at the spread. "Well, I may have overdone it for just two people, but anything we don't eat can be put away for another time. The pregame show is about to start. Do you want a beer or soda?"
Vala chose a soda, wanting to save the alcoholic beverages for later. After getting the soda for her and a beer for himself, Cam took a seat on the couch.
Smiling, Vala plopped down on the couch beside him, leaving only a few inches between them.
Vala paid close attention to the pregame show as the sports announcers talked about the teams that were going to play, going into some detail on several of the players. Cameron added a few things of his own, giving his personal opinion on the players and the teams as a whole. From that, Vala determined which of the two teams the lieutenant colonel would be rooting for, which, of course, meant that she would be doing the same.
Once the game began so too did the lessons in the rules and intricacies of football. As he explained what was going on and answered Vala's questions, Cam found that he was quite enjoying it. He had wondered if constantly having to explain things and answer questions would get irritating since it would take his attention away from the game itself, but, instead, he was finding that pointing out the plays and how each member of the team worked in conjunction with the others was actually making him study the game in greater detail.
"Yes!" he crowed at one point. "You see that pass? What an arm! What I wouldn't have given to have an arm like that."
Vala looked at him. "Did you want to play football professionally?"
"It was a dream I had for a while. I started playing pee wee football as a little kid and loved it. I kept right on playing up into high school, but the coach decided that I just didn't have what it takes, and I got cut from the team."
"How terrible. Your heart must have been crushed."
"Yeah, it was a big blow, but then, in my junior year, I got interested in joining the military. I went into the Academy straight from high school, and I never looked back."
They returned their attention to the game. As time went on and Vala gained a greater understanding of the game, she began to point out the good plays and the bad. Her voice joined Cam's in the cheers and complaints. At halftime, the two of them talked animatedly about how the game was going so far and made predictions about how things were going to go, agreeing on some things and disagreeing on others.
Cam was having a ball. Vala had thrown herself wholeheartedly into the football spirit. She'd totally pigged out on the food, eating twice as much as he would have believed someone her size could consume. Then again, she ate a shocking amount of his mother's pie when they were in Kansas.
Thinking about that trip, Cameron couldn't help but also think about Amy Vandenberg, the girl he'd loved in high school and whom he'd finally gotten to kiss while back in Kansas. He wondered if she'd enjoy football as much as Vala now seemed to be enjoying it. Back in school, she did attend the games, but that didn't mean that she was a football enthusiast. He had doubts that he would ever find out. Though he had thrown out hints that he'd welcome a visit from Amy, she had yet to come. They'd had two phone chats since their reunion, but the conversations stayed mostly casual.
Vala looked over at Cam, who had grown quiet and appeared to be deep in thought. She had been having so much fun this evening, and it wasn't just because she was really getting into the game they were watching. It was also because of her companion. She and Cameron had discovered a shared passion, and it felt great. She had to wonder what other things they might discover that they both liked. One thing was for sure, something like this would never have happened with Daniel.
When the game resumed so too did Cameron and Vala's animated attention on it. As the minutes ticked down and neither team gained a big enough lead to be assured victory, the level of intensity in the living room increased.
At last, there was less than a minute on the clock, and the score was tied. Cam and Vala's eyes were glued to the TV as the team they were rooting for pulled out all the stops. A brilliant pass by the quarterback delivered the ball right into the hands of the halfback, who immediately took off down the field, running with all his might toward the goalline. Cam and Vala found themselves on the edge of their seats, leaning forward as if to urge the receiver on. With each attempted tackle that was thwarted by a teammate, the level of excitement grew higher.
"Go! Go! Go!" Cam was yelling, Vala adding her voice to his.
And then, accompanied by wild cheering from the crowd in the stands, the halfback crossed the line to score the winning touchdown as the clock ticked down to zero. Cam and Vala leapt to their feet, screaming and shouting for joy as they jumped up and down. Vala turned to Cameron and threw herself into his arms. He laughed and hugged her tight.
And that's when it happened.
High on the thrill of the moment, Vala pressed her lips to Cam's. The touch sent a surprisingly strong jolt of pleasure through both of them, and, for three intense seconds, their lips remained locked. Then they quite suddenly sprang apart. Shocked by the intensity of the moment, they stared wide-eyed at each other. It was Cam who broke eye contact, turning to the TV. He cleared his throat.
"That . . . that was a fantastic touchdown."
"Yes," Vala said distractedly. Her fingers went to her lips, which she swore were tingling. Wow. That had been quite a surprise. She had guessed that kissing Cameron would feel good, but not that good. She looked at his profile. She very much wanted to kiss him again, but, judging by the way that he was staring fixedly at the television screen, getting another kiss would be impossible . . . at least tonight.
"So, what happens now?" Vala asked.
"What?" Cam responded, his voice squeaking ever so slightly. Then he realized that she was talking about the game. "Oh. Um, there will be some interviews with the players and coaches of both teams, then they'll have the postgame show. I'm, uh, going to pass on the postgame show, though, if you don't mind. I've got some things I need to get done before I go to bed. We'll be leaving on the mission early."
"No, I don't mind."
"Should I call you a cab?"
"Yes."
Cam turned off the TV and made the call. The ensuing silence was uncomfortable for both of them. Vala helped the pilot gather up the leftover food and put it away.
When the cab arrived, Cam accompanied Vala out to it.
"I had a wonderful evening, Cameron," she told him. "I hope that we can do it again sometime."
"Uh, sure. So, I'll see you tomorrow."
Vala got in the cab and gave him a wave through the window. He watched the car pull away from the curb and disappear down the street. Then he went back inside, sat down, and just stared at the blank TV screen, trying to figure out why that kiss had affected him like it did. He should not have enjoyed it that much. In fact, he shouldn't have enjoyed it at all. He had always imagined that if Vala ever tried to kiss him, he'd immediately push her away. He knew her reputation. She loved men and, before coming to Earth, had probably slept with more members of the opposite sex in the space of one year than he had in his entire life. He had no interest in women of that sort, so why on Earth did that kiss make him feel like he'd received a jolt from a power line? It had to have been because of the strong emotions of the moment. They were both excited and happy, and the kiss simply caused those emotions to spike.
Convinced that was the answer, Cam got up and began throwing away the trash, determined that he would not let things be awkward between him and Vala tomorrow.
