CHAPTER FOUR
"Crap," Daniel cursed. He bent down and began picking up the broken pieces of the glass that he'd just dropped because he hadn't been paying attention to what he was doing. Instead, he'd been thinking about Sam.
It had been four days since his conversation with her, a week since he became a temporary host to Lantash, and the things he was feeling for his female teammate were showing no signs of going away. In fact, they appeared to be getting even stronger. Thoughts of her entered his mind throughout the day, every day. What was worse is that, now, they were invading his sleep as well. Last night, he'd had a dream about her, a dream of the two of them making sweet, passionate love in his bed. Daniel knew that dream had not been born from any similar dreams Martouf and Lantash had about Sam. Symbiotes did not dream and had the ability to put a halt to any dreams or nightmares that their hosts experienced. Lantash had clamped down on all dreams that Martouf had about Sam, it being a mutual decision, both of them feeling that such dreams would only make them frustrated and discontent. So, last night's dream was courtesy of Daniel's subconscious alone. Lucky him.
The archeologist threw away the bigger pieces of glass, then got the broom and dustpan to sweep up the rest. Once he was finished, he went into the living room and sat rather heavily on the couch.
Daniel didn't understand why this was proving to be so . . . vexing. He had a lot of memories of Lantash and Martouf dealing with their feelings for Sam. In fact, he was now quite certain that he'd been cursed with every single one of the memories of their thoughts, wishes and desires regarding her. Though they often thought of her and had privately talked to each other about their feelings, they'd still managed to function just fine, doing their job, going on missions. Thoughts of her didn't rule Lantash's and Martouf's minds as it did Daniel's. Yes, it's true that gaining these fully developed feelings so suddenly and completely would make it harder for him to adjust, but he was beginning to fear that it was more than just that.
Daniel had been seriously considering taking Hammond's suggestion and going away for a couple of weeks. Maybe being away from Sam for a while would help banish these feelings for her. He could go to Egypt, play the tourist, perhaps check out a few of the current digs. He still had some friends in the archeological community. One of them might know of a dig where he'd be welcome.
Thinking about it, maybe two weeks wasn't enough time. A month sounded good. He knew he had the vacation time coming to him. Not counting sick leave, he hadn't taken any time off since he went to the funeral for Professor Jordan.
Jack wouldn't be happy, of course. Daniel could almost hear him complaining. But it's not like they couldn't go on missions without him, something they'd done several times in the past. They would get along fine without him for a few weeks. It's not like his archeological and linguistic skills were used all that much anymore. He could count on the fingers of one hand the number of times that those skills had been used on a mission this year.
Daniel refused to let himself start thinking about that, how he'd begun to question his role on SG-1, what purpose he had on the team. That's not what this was about.
During these four days, Daniel had continued to write down the memories he had of Lantash's life and what he now knew about the Tok'ra. He'd also been quite thrilled to realize that he had gained the full knowledge that Lantash had of all the various dialects of Goa'uld, both written and spoken. It would be a tremendous asset at work, and he'd already begun creating a lexicon of the various dialects so that others at the SGC could reference it.
On top of that, Daniel had decided that, since he now had the ability, he might as well learn how to use Goa'uld technology like the ribbon and healing devices. Sam hadn't touched a ribbon device since she inadvertently killed Seth and hadn't used the healing device the SGC had since she healed Cronus with it. Considering that Daniel owed his life to that healing device, he figured that learning how to use it might someday save someone else's life, and you never knew when knowing how to use a ribbon device would come in handy on a mission.
All these things had added even more hours to the time Daniel spent at the SGC. He'd been pretty much living there. This was the first evening that he'd actually come home, having spent every other one this week either sleeping in his quarters or on a cot in his office. Daniel knew that one of the reasons why he was working so much was his attempt to drive thoughts of Sam out of his mind. Perhaps it was time to try something else instead.
Daniel went to the phone and punched in a number that he had dialed many times before.
"Daniel, I want you to know right off that you just interrupted an incredible hockey game," Jack said the moment he picked up the phone.
"Sorry. Shall I call back in a couple of hours?"
"That all depends. Is there something important you called about or did you just want to hear my sweet baritone voice?"
"As pleasing to the auditory canals as your voice may be, Jack, no, that's not why I called. I'm, uh, going to talk to General Hammond in the morning and request some time off."
There was no sound from the receiver for a few seconds except for the noises of the game on the TV. Then that sound disappeared as well.
"Daniel, what's going on?"
"Why do you think something's going on? Is it so strange that I'm asking for some time off?"
"Considering that you often don't even take the days you're supposed to have off, yes, it is strange. In fact, I'm starting to wonder if this is really you. Maybe one of those aliens with those mimic device things has decided to come back and impersonate you."
Daniel sighed. "You found me out, Jack. I'm an alien who plans on taking over Earth by going to Egypt and holding the pyramids hostage."
There was another moment of silence. "Egypt? Exactly how long are you planning on being gone?"
"I was thinking a month."
There was a third pause. "I ask again, Daniel. What's going on?"
"I just need to get away for a while, Jack, sort some things out in my head."
"Does this have something to do with what happened to you on Revanna?"
"In . . . in a way," Daniel reluctantly admitted.
"Daniel, look. I know we haven't talked about what happened, and I'm sorry. To be honest, I just wanted to put that whole thing in the past and forget about it."
"I know, Jack. If I could do the same, I'd be really tempted to."
"I can imagine that having all those memories from Lantash inside your head must be difficult for you. I know that it wasn't easy for Carter when she first got all that stuff from Jolinar. But running away to Egypt isn't going to help anything."
"I'm not running away, Jack. I just need some time to come to grips with a few things. I haven't been able to do that at the SGC, and it's affecting my work."
Jack let out a quiet sigh. "All right, Daniel. I guess I can't begrudge you taking a few weeks off. It'll probably do you some good. When are you going to go?"
"That depends on when Hammond says I can take the time off. I also need to make a few phone calls, see if I can get in on any digs."
"Daniel, don't you dare get into your head to stay there and not come back. If you even try that, I'm going to be on a plane to haul your ass back here."
"I won't, Jack."
"All right. As soon as you know when you're going, let me know."
"I will. Thanks. Enjoy the rest of the game. I'll see you tomorrow."
Hanging up the phone, Daniel let out a slow sigh. One down, three to go. He didn't worry that Hammond would grill him about his reason for the requested leave. The man might ask, but he'd respect Daniel's privacy. Teal'c would probably guess that it had something to do with Lantash, but he also wouldn't pry. No, the problem was going to be with Sam. She would probably figure out almost immediately that the reason for this trip was the feelings he was experiencing for her. He wasn't looking forward to how she was going to react.
Daniel sat on his sofa, sipping on a cup of tea. He'd gotten permission from Hammond that morning for the time off. A major portion of the day was spent making calls to old friends in the archeological community. Most had been pretty surprised to hear from him, not having talked to him since before the first mission. He'd had some good conversations, though it was necessary for him to be pretty vague about what he'd been doing these past six plus years. One friend told him about a dig that he was pretty sure would welcome having Daniel. The man called back a while later to say that the people in charge of the dig had extended an invitation for him to come have fun digging in the dirt with them.
Once he knew where he was going, Daniel got busy making arrangements and reservations for the trip. It was late in the afternoon by the time everything was all planned and worked out. He'd be leaving from Denver next Tuesday morning and arriving in Luxor early the following evening. Someone from the dig would be picking him up.
Daniel called Hammond first, then went and told Jack, who accepted it with a nod of his head, reiterating that he expected Daniel back in one month, not a day more.
Next came Teal'c. As the archeologist had suspected, the Jaffa didn't ask any questions about why Daniel was going, but it was pretty clear he'd guessed that it had to do with the events on Revanna.
Last came Sam. Daniel spent a solid hour in his office, trying to compose the words he'd say to her. By the time he'd gotten up the nerve to go tell her, he found that she'd already left for home. On one hand, he was relieved because of the short reprieve it gave him, but it created another problem. Going to her place to tell her was out of the question. In the privacy of her home it would be so much more likely that emotions – specifically his emotions – would get out of hand. Call her? After he got home, he picked up the phone several times, but couldn't quite get himself to dial her number. He'd then thought about just waiting until tomorrow to tell her, but he feared that she'd find out from Jack or Teal'c before he'd spoken with her.
Why Daniel finally decided to send her an email was something he didn't know. Oh, that wasn't true. He did it because he was a coward. An email was safe, impersonal, no danger of emotions getting out of control. He told her in the email that they could talk about it more in the morning, and he was hoping that, by then, Sam's initial reaction would have faded, and they could discuss it more calmly.
He probably should have known it wouldn't work out that way.
When the knock came on Daniel's door, there was no doubt in his mind about who it was. He was tempted to pretend he wasn't home, but he knew that wouldn't work.
Bracing himself for what he suspected was about to come, Daniel answered the door. It took about half a second for the expression on Sam's face to tell him that he was in trouble. She strode into the apartment.
"An email, Daniel? You tell me that you're going away to Egypt for a month in an email?"
"I'm sorry, Sam. I shouldn't have done that. I did go to your lab to tell you, but you were already gone, and I . . . I didn't want to go to your place to tell you."
"And you couldn't call me?"
Daniel's gaze fell to the floor. "I'm sorry. I . . . I just. . . ." He sighed. "I knew that you'd insist on talking to me about it."
"Of course I'd want to talk to you about it. It's pretty obvious to me why you're going off on this trip. It's because you want to get away from me."
Daniel's head rose. There was pain in Sam's voice and in her eyes, and it made him feel horrible. He took a step toward her.
"It's me, Sam, not you. I-I have to get away. I need to be away from everything for a while and come to grips with these things I'm feeling. They're not going away, Sam. You have no idea how hard I've tried to get them out of my mind, but nothing is working. I keep thinking about . . . about you."
Now it was Sam's gaze that dropped to the floor.
Daniel's voice lowered to barely more than a whisper. "The thing is that I'm beginning to wonder if. . . ."
Sam lifted her eyes back to him. "If what?"
Daniel shook his head. "Nothing." He met her eyes. "I need to do this, Sam. I hope you can understand that. Maybe after a month away, I'll be able to deal with these feelings. I just know that I can't keep going on like I have been."
Sam's throat was tightening up, making it hard for her to talk. "We're going to miss you on Thanksgiving."
"Yeah. I'll miss that, too, but it was the only flight available until the following week that didn't cost an arm and a leg, and, if I left that late, either I'd have to make my trip for less than a month or be gone through Christmas."
Sam liked that thought even less. "You have to be here for Christmas, Daniel. Without you it just wouldn't be any fun." She paused. "So, what about the, um, issue with your theories?"
"The friend who helped set this up says that doesn't bother the people in charge of the dig. In fact, he says that they're looking forward to having me there." Daniel smiled slightly. "It'll be nice to go on a dig again, to just be an archeologist."
Daniel's words scared Sam. What if, once he got immersed back into that world, he decided not to come back? Archeology was his first love, the thing he'd planned on dedicating his life to. Just the thought of Daniel never coming back hurt so much that she wanted to cry.
"Please, Daniel. Don't go there and decide not to come back. We need you." 'I need you,' she added silently.
The archeologist gave her a weak smile. "Don't worry. Jack's already told me that if I get any ideas to stay, he'll come to Egypt and drag me back home."
"You'll write to me, won't you? I know that you probably won't have access to an Internet connection most of the time, but you can send letters."
Daniel nodded. "I'll write."
Feeling herself close to tears, Sam walked up to him. Though she knew that she probably shouldn't, she pulled Daniel into a tight hug. He froze for a moment, then wrapped his arms around her, burying his face in her hair. The desire to kiss her rose up so powerfully inside him that, by the time the hug ended, he was nearly shaking from the effort it took not to follow through on the desire.
Their eyes met for a brief moment, then Sam headed to the door. She paused before opening it.
"I'll . . . I'll see you at work before you go, won't I?" She'd seen so little of him this past week.
"Yeah. We can have lunch and . . . and maybe coffee sometime."
Giving Daniel a faint nod, Sam opened the door and left.
Jack glanced over at Daniel's features for about the dozenth time since they began their trip to the Denver airport. The archeologist had spoken barely a word so far, his mind appearing to be far away.
Jack's instincts were telling him that there was something more to the reason for this trip than just the memories Daniel had gotten from Lantash. Since all that stuff happened on Revanna, the man had spent most of his time cloistered away in his office. In fact, he'd been downright antisocial, rarely joining the team for meals and not saying much when he did. Jack hadn't thought it would be possible that he'd actually miss hearing Daniel chatter away about this or that, but he did. The truth was that he was a little worried. Something was bothering Daniel, and, whatever it was, he was choosing to keep it to himself.
This had made Jack realize that, for quite some time now, Daniel had been growing progressively more reticent. Oh, he still had plenty of stuff to impart at briefings, and when there was something he wanted to say on a mission, he was as loquacious as ever. It was all the other times that he was quieter than he used to be.
Jack knew that he should have seen this long before now. The truth was that he hadn't been much of a friend to the archeologist for a long time. So what had woken him up to this fact? Having to leave Daniel behind to die and knowing that he'd never have the chance to fix what went wrong with their friendship.
By some miracle, Daniel had managed to survive, but Jack still hadn't done much of anything to heal the rift that had formed between them. And, now, Daniel was going off to Egypt for a month. Did he really have any reason to come back? Sha're was dead, and Shifu was off floating around the galaxy with Oma. Even Apophis was no longer around for Daniel to hate and want to bring down.
The more he thought about it, the more Jack worried that Daniel would decide to quit the program and go back into archeology. The fact that he'd been welcomed with open arms to a dig indicated that his status as a pariah in the archeological community might be lifting, yet another reason for Daniel to return to his old life.
So, what could Jack say to make Daniel want to stay at the SGC?
Jack found a space in the short-term parking and helped Daniel carry his bags to the check-in counter. Once the archeologist was checked in, Jack walked with him to the security area.
"You have my flight info on the return trip?" Daniel asked as they halted before the security checkpoint.
"Yep. Don't worry, Daniel. I'll be here to pick you up on time."
The younger man nodded. "Um, if there's an emergency and you have to get hold of me, I left contact information with General Hammond. The people on the dig have a satellite phone and a short-wave radio."
"Good."
Silence fell between the two men.
"Well, I guess I'd better get going," Daniel said at last.
"Yeah." Jack met the archeologist's eyes. "Daniel, I want you to have something straight in your head. The SGC needs you . . . and so does SG-1. You may be a royal pain in the ass most of the time, but, well, I'd . . . rather have you as the team's resident pain in the ass than someone else."
Daniel was surprised by the man's words. In his own unique, less than complimentary way, Jack was saying that he didn't want to lose Daniel from the team.
"Thanks, Jack . . . I think."
Jack nodded sharply. "Just so you know that."
"I'll remember."
With a last goodbye, Jack watched Daniel head for the security checkpoint. Hoping that what he'd said was enough to give the archeologist some food for thought, he turned around and walked away.
Daniel drew in a deep breath of the desert air and slowly let it out. With a little smile on his face, he looked about. The sun was just setting, casting a golden glow over everything. It was the end of his first week on the dig, and he couldn't believe how relaxed he felt. It felt really good to be out on a dig with nothing to worry about except sunburn. It felt good to be on a dig period, surrounded by like-minded individuals seeking to uncover archeological treasures from the distant past. He'd been missing this a lot lately, but he hadn't realized how much until now. He didn't get to do this working in the program. Oh, he got to see many ruins, handle a great deal of artifacts, but he didn't get to do any actual excavating, to dig into those ruins and find the secrets they were hiding. The last time he did any excavation was on P3X-888, the Goa'uld's planet of origin, and that had been more like paleontology than archeology.
There were only two things that cast a shadow on this vacation. The first was that he'd be here only a month. He'd love to stay right on through to the last day of the dig this season. During this first week, he'd already made some friends, and, so far, there hadn't been any difficulties with anyone about his unorthodox theories. In fact, one of the graduate students was fascinated by his theories and had wanted to discuss them with him. He'd managed to steer the conversation off into another direction. By the time this month ended, Daniel knew that he wasn't going to want to leave.
It was the other thing that was on his mind a great deal more, however. He still found himself thinking a lot about Sam, wondering what she was doing, if she, Jack and Teal'c had gone on any missions. He knew it was too soon for him to be coming to terms with these feelings he now had for her. He hadn't been stupid enough to think it would happen this fast. But he also hadn't expected that he'd miss her like this. He just had to give himself more time. That's all.
But what about the future? Daniel really didn't know. Jack may have said that he was needed at the SGC and on SG-1, but Daniel knew that both would get along perfectly all right without him if he chose to leave. Even if he did leave, he would continue recording the things he'd learned about the Tok'ra, knowing that it was valuable information. He still hadn't gained the knowledge of how to construct any of the various devices that the Tok'ra used. Maybe Lantash hadn't actually known how to make any of those things.
Whatever he decided to do would partly hinge on whether or not he could learn to deal with these emotions for Sam. If he could, he might choose to stay at the SGC. If he couldn't. . . . That would be a decision he'd have to make after he got home.
She missed him. It had been three weeks since Daniel left for Egypt, and Sam missed him. She'd started missing him after just the first few days. The SGC felt empty without him.
She'd gotten a letter from him last week. He told her that he was enjoying himself. Most of the people on the dig were great, and there hadn't been any snide comments yet. Sam was glad that he was having a good time, but she was afraid that he would come to love it so much that he'd change his mind about coming back. If he really chose to quit the SGC and go back into archeology, no amount of bullying from the colonel would get him to change his mind.
And what would she do if he did that? She didn't want to think about that happening. It hurt too much. In her letter back to him, she'd made a point of telling him that she missed him and was looking forward to his return home.
Last week, they'd gone on a mission, their first one since Daniel left. It wasn't the first time they'd gone on a mission without him, but, this time, it felt so wrong, as if going on that mission was an acceptance that Daniel would not be coming back. The mission had been routine, no catastrophes, no unexpected surprises. There were no ruins or native cultures to interest Daniel, but she'd still wished he was there with them.
It was going to be another nine days before he returned. She wished that he would call. She wanted so much to hear his voice. More than that, she wanted to see him. She had known that she was going to miss him, but she hadn't realized that it would be this much.
These coming days couldn't pass fast enough.
Daniel squinted his eyes against the bright sunlight as he left his tent. He walked the ten yards to the large tent that served as the mess hall at meal times and, the rest of the time, a place for them to gather and discuss things or simply to hang out.
"Doctor Daniel!" greeted Mick O'Roarke, a boisterous New Yorker of Irish descent who'd been calling Daniel that since the third day he was there. "Come over here. I saved you a seat, my boy."
Daniel smiled and shook his head in amusement. From the way Mick talked, you'd think that he was a good twenty years Daniel's elder, when, in reality, he was only nine years older. At least it could be worse. The guy could have been calling him "Danny Boy". It was bad enough when Jack called him that.
Daniel got his breakfast and took the seat beside the man.
"So, Kitty and I have been discussing the various ways that we're going to paint the town red this weekend," Mick told him.
Daniel smiled again. Several members of the dig were going to Luxor for the weekend. He had to wonder how many were going to return with a hangover. Daniel wished that he could share the joke with his friends here that, according to mythology, it was Osiris who introduced the Ancient Egyptians to beer. Oh, some of them might already know that, but he couldn't tell them about the irony that Sarah, Osiris' present host, utterly despised that beverage.
Daniel looked across the table at Katherine "Kitty" Bartholomew, a dark-haired beauty who had more than one admirer among the males here.
"Paint the town red, huh?" he said with raised eyebrows.
"Well, maybe just a bright shade of pink," she responded.
"Just don't get yourselves arrested. Most Egyptian police don't have much of a sense of humor when it comes to rowdy foreigners."
"You'll just have to sweet talk them, then," Mick said. "You're coming, too, my boy."
"Uhhhh, no, I don't think so. Spending a night in jail after you get drunk and decide to start dancing in the streets in your underwear is not my idea of a good time."
Mick rounded on Kitty. "You told him about London?!"
"Of course I told him, dear Mick," she replied. "It was one of the defining moments of my life watching you dancing around Trafalgar Square in your tighty whities, then running away from the bobbies as they tried to round you up and stuff your thankfully not bare ass in the paddy wagon."
Daniel hid his smile as the image came to his mind of a nearly naked Mick fleeing from a hoard of bobbies.
The New Yorker shot her a glare, then turned back to Daniel. "Pay no attention to those scurrilous tales, Daniel. I swear on the grave of my beloved mother that I will behave myself."
"Your mother is alive and in excellent health, living in New Jersey," Kitty countered with a smirk. She received another glare, but paid no attention to it.
"Really, Mick," Daniel said. "I appreciate the invitation, but I want to work on grids twenty-three and twenty-four tomorrow and Sunday."
The Irishman became completely serious. "Daniel, just about all you've done since you arrived is work. You haven't left this dig at all, except when you went with Shane to get supplies."
"I like to work, Mick. That's what I came here to do, to work on this dig."
Mick stared at him piercingly. "And to heal from the woman who broke your heart, I'm thinking."
Daniel's gaze dropped to his food, which was growing cold. "No woman broke my heart, Mick."
"I'm not so sure I believe you. I've seen the look that's been in your eyes on more than one occasion, Daniel. I've also seen how you don't even look twice at any of the women here, not even the curvaceous grads who most definitely have looked more than twice at you."
The statement made Daniel flush.
"And, unless my instincts are completely wrong about you, I don't think it's the other gender you're interested in."
The archeologist sighed and put his fork down. "She didn't break my heart, Mick. It's just that her heart isn't mine, and it never will be."
"But yours belongs to her," Mick said gently.
Daniel got up from the table. "I'm going to get started on grid twenty-one." He took his tray of food to the trash, having eaten barely any of it.
Kitty frowned at Mick. "Why do you have to push him like that?"
"Because I care. He's hurting, Kitty. I know you see it, too. Yesterday, I watched as he sat for an hour and just looked out into that big desert, and the look on his face broke my heart. Whoever this woman is that he won't talk about, he loves her very much."
The dark-haired woman sighed. "I know. Whoever she is, she's crazy for not loving him back."
"We need to get him to Luxor and make sure he gets roaring drunk so that he'll forget about her for a while."
"I really don't think that Daniel would appreciate that, Mick, especially the next day when he's suffering from the hangover."
"So, what is he going to do? Shoot us? He's probably never picked up a gun in his life."
"Oh, so you didn't hear about that little incident we had while you were gone yesterday."
Mick looked at her curiously. "What incident?"
"A pack of feral dogs tried to get into the food stores. We tried to chase them away, but they were hungry enough that they weren't budging, and we were afraid someone would get bitten if we pushed them too far. Ronald got it into his head to get the pistol that Adam keeps in his tent. I suppose he was planning on shooting the dogs, but he nearly shot his own foot instead. Daniel grabbed the gun away from him before he could do any damage. He told Daniel to shoot the dogs. Instead, Daniel put four slugs into the ground right at their feet. They got the message and ran off. There's no doubt that he knew how to handle that gun very well. If he'd aimed at the dogs, I don't think he'd have missed."
Mick frowned thoughtfully. "You know, Kitty. I think that there's probably a great deal more to our Doctor Jackson than one might believe just by looking at him."
"Oh, I figured that out less than a week after he arrived. Haven't you wondered why he seems so reluctant to go into any details about his job? All he's admitted to is that he works as a linguist and cultural expert for the U.S. government. I tried to press him for more, and he clammed up tight."
Mick grinned. "Hey, maybe he was right about the aliens and the pyramids, and he works at Area 51, translating secret alien communications."
Kitty laughed. "You and your imagination, Mick. Go on and finish your breakfast. We're wasting daylight."
Three more days. Daniel would be home in three more days. Sam couldn't believe how excited that made her feel. She couldn't wait to see him. Yet, at the same time, she was also afraid. She feared what he might tell her.
She'd gotten another letter from him on Saturday. He'd talked again about the dig and the people there, how nice it was to be on an archeological site where there was no danger of "certain unfriendly individuals" – code speak for Jaffa and Goa'uld – dropping in and ruining his fun. For the first time in a very long while, Daniel was getting to work on an archeological site with no interruptions from the military, no impatient colonels wanting him to hurry up and finish, and no worries that the Goa'uld or some other alien threat would descend upon him. Sam knew how passionate he was about archeology. Would he be able to give that life up now that he'd been allowed back in? What could she do or say to make him see that his place was with them at the SGC?
And what about the feelings Lantash had left within him for her? Had this month away enabled him to banish them? After over three years, Sam had not completely gotten rid of the emotions Jolinar left inside her, so it was unlikely that Daniel has succeeded so soon. But he may have found a way to deal with them better so that they didn't bother him so much.
Now, why the heck would that make her feel sad? It would be a good thing if Daniel had come to grips with those emotions. It would give him one less reason to leave.
But what if he did decide to leave? Then, somehow, she'd have to convince him to change his mind. That's all there was to it.
