CHAPTER NINETEEN
Danny was happy about going to the SGC, which was good because Daniel sure wasn't. It had been really hard telling Jack about his decision, and he knew that it was going to be hard to tell Teal'c as well. At least he could count on Teal'c to be pragmatic about it. The Jaffa would understand and respect Daniel's decision.
Daniel and Danny first went to Sam's lab to see if she could watch the boy while the archeologist talked to Teal'c and Hammond.
When they walked in the room, the look on Sam's face told him that she knew why he was there.
"Hey," she said softly. She then looked at Danny, forcing a smile onto her face. "Hi, Danny."
The boy came up to her and gave her a hug.
"I was wondering if you could watch him while I . . . do some things," Daniel said.
"I would if I could, but that whole fiasco with you know what put me way behind schedule on another project. I'm scrambling to get it done by the deadline," she glanced at her watch, "which is in two hours."
"I'm sorry. We didn't mean to bother you."
"No, that's okay. Try the colonel. Maybe he could watch Danny."
While looking for Jack, Daniel found out that the colonel was in the gym, in the midst of a hand-to-hand combat workout. Not wanting to disturb him, Daniel decided to try Janet instead. On the way to the infirmary, they ran into Siler, who said that he could watch Danny for a while.
Problem solved, Daniel went to Teal'c's quarters.
"Enter," said the voice on the other side in answer to Daniel's knock. He opened the door to find the Jaffa doing what Danny had called Jaffa Tai Chi.
"You'll have to tell me the history of that someday," Daniel said.
"I would be pleased to do so. How may I help you, Daniel Jackson?"
Daniel sat on the bed. "I need to tell you something."
Teal'c took a seat in a chair. "Is there a problem?"
"I've decided to leave SG-1, Teal'c."
It took a brief moment for the Jaffa to answer. "You are making this decision because of your clone?"
"Yes," Daniel replied. "Being on the team, my life is often at risk. Danny already has the memory of losing his parents. I want to do all I can to make sure he doesn't lose me, too."
"Preventing an untimely demise cannot be assured even if you are not on an SG team."
"I know, but at least it reduces the odds. There's also the fact that I won't have to worry about who's going to take care of Danny while I'm on a mission for several days. I'll have regular working hours . . . well, more so than I do now."
Teal'c was silent for a short moment. "Your reasoning is logical, Daniel Jackson, yet the fact remains that the lack of your presence on SG-1 will be a great loss. You have skills that have been instrumental in the success of many missions. I feel that your loss from the team will be a great detriment in our fight against the Goa'uld."
Teal'c's words made Daniel remember what his friend had said that day he lay dying in the infirmary. "I'll still be at the SGC, Teal'c," he said. "I'll still be helping to fight the Goa'uld in whatever ways I can from here."
"I have no doubt that you will, Daniel Jackson. Speaking for myself, however, I will greatly miss your presence on the team."
"I'll miss being with you guys, too," Daniel admitted. "A lot, actually. But I really feel that I need to do this."
Teal'c inclined his head. "Then I will respect your decision."
"Thanks, Teal'c."
"When will you request your transfer?"
"I guess it would be to have it take effect as soon as I come back to work. My original plan was to take a month's leave, which will be up on Tuesday. I may have to extend it, however, since I still don't know what I'm going to do about Danny while I'm at work."
"I have learned that some of your leaders want young Daniel Jackson to be confined to this base. Though I hope that such a decision will not be made, does this not mean that those leaders would not object to him being present on the base for extended lengths of time?"
Daniel paused. "You know, I didn't think about that. Before all this started, I figured that they'd have a problem with Danny being here for any length of time, but if some of them actually want him to live here on a permanent basis, they shouldn't have an issue with him spending a few hours here each day. Thanks, Teal'c. I hope that you've just given me a solution to my problem."
Saying goodbye to Teal'c, Daniel went to Hammond's office. The general was busy with a call, so Daniel waited in the briefing room. As he looked out the window down at the Stargate, it suddenly hit him that he had no idea when he would go through the gate again . . . or if he ever would.
"Daniel? Is something wrong?"
The archeologist turned to General Hammond, realizing that his sad thoughts must have been showing on his face. The man was gazing at him in concern.
"I, um . . . I need to talk to you about something."
"All right. Let's go into my office."
The two men went into the office and sat down.
"I've decided to transfer off SG-1," Daniel told the general.
Because of their earlier conversation, Hammond was not surprised by the announcement, but he was a little dismayed. He had hoped that Daniel would choose to stay on the SGC's premier team.
"I understand, Daniel, although I will admit that I'm sorry to hear this. You are a tremendous asset out there. Your skills on missions will be greatly missed."
Daniel stared at the top of the desk. "It wasn't easy making this decision. I wish it was one that I didn't have to make. But if something were to happen to me on a mission, I don't know what it would do to Danny. I know that Jack or Sam would take care of him if that happened, but what if all of us died? What would happen to Danny then?"
"I do understand your fears, Daniel, and I admire you for sacrificing something I know that you love for Danny's sake, but there is something I want you to know. Even if such a terrible event took place, all of us here would do everything in our power to see that Danny was well taken care of by people who loved him. I know about the life you led as a child and that you fear something similar would happen to Danny, but I swear to you that would never happen. We take care of our own, Daniel, and, as far as we're concerned, that includes Danny."
Daniel gazed at Hammond with deep gratitude. "Thank you, sir."
The older man nodded. "Do you wish your transfer be made effective immediately?"
"As soon as I return from leave. I don't know yet when that will be. It all depends on some things. Have you heard back from the Pentagon yet on this whole thing with Danny?"
"No, but I am expecting a call about it today, hopefully soon. I have confidence that the decision will be favorable. Everyone recognizes how valuable you are to the program."
"Could you contact me as soon as you get an answer? I'll probably be here for another couple of hours or so, let Danny visit with some people."
"As soon as I get the call, I will let you know."
"Thank you, sir. I have another request, but I'll wait until after I know what the answer from the Pentagon is."
After leaving the office, Daniel got Danny from Siler and took him around the base to say hi to a few people. Jack was done with his workout and sought them out. After greeting Danny, his eyes searched Daniel's.
"Did you talk to Teal'c and Hammond?"
"Yeah."
So, it was done, then. Soon, Hammond would be filling out the forms for the transfer. "How much longer are you going to be here today?" Jack asked, keeping his voice and expression neutral.
"For a while yet. There are some people Danny wants to say hi to."
"Maybe we could all have lunch together."
"Sure. We'd like that."
Daniel and Danny met Jack, Sam and Teal'c for lunch in the commissary at noon.
"Did you get your project finished?" Daniel asked the astrophysicist.
"Yes, just in time," she replied.
As they ate, Danny looked around at everyone, wondering why they were all so quiet. They usually talked and had fun during lunch, but nobody was doing that today. Jack was frowning, both Sam and Daniel looked sad, and Teal'c looked. . . . Danny couldn't think of a word for that look.
"Why is everybody unhappy?" he finally asked.
All of the adults froze for a couple of seconds, then Jack, Sam and Teal'c looked at Daniel.
"Um . . . I guess you should know that I've made a decision, Danny," the archeologist said.
"What decision?"
Before Daniel could answer, a request came over the P.A. for him to go to Hammond's office.
"Can you guys watch him for a while?" Daniel asked his teammates. Yes, they were still his teammates, if only for a few more days.
"Sure, Daniel," Jack replied. "You go on and talk to Hammond."
"What's wrong?" Danny asked after Daniel had left. "What decision is Daniel talking about?"
Sam sighed. Would Daniel mind if they told the boy? Probably not. "Daniel's not going to be a part of our team anymore, Danny," she said softly.
"How come?"
The adults shared a glance.
"Because he thinks it would be the best thing to do for you, Danny," Jack replied.
"For me?"
"Yeah. You see, being on an SG team is very dangerous. All of us have almost gotten killed quite a few times. In the end, we've always managed to make it back, but Daniel is afraid that, if he stays on the team, something bad will happen to him."
"He doesn't want you to go through that, Danny, so he's giving up being on the team," Sam explained.
"Because he could get killed?" Danny asked.
"Yeah. He believes that, if he leaves the team, that's less likely to happen."
"Does he want to leave?"
"No, he doesn't," Jack answered, "but he loves you, Danny, and wants to do what's right for you."
"You don't want him to either."
Sam shook her head. "No, we don't. We want him to stay on the team. We're going to miss him."
Danny started getting upset. "He won't be coming here anymore?"
"No, he'll still be working here," Jack told him. "But just on the base."
"He won't be going to other planets through the Stargate?"
"Maybe once in a while."
Danny was still upset. "But Daniel likes going through the Stargate."
"I know, Danny, but he loves you more."
Danny frowned, staring down at his plate.
"Hey. It'll be okay," Jack said. "Yes, we're going to miss having him on the team, but we'll still all see each other. We'll still have fun times together."
Jack's words didn't lift the frown from Danny's face.
"How about if we all go to Daniel's office?" Sam suggested, no longer having any interest in food and guessing that nobody else did either.
"Good idea," Jack responded.
The four people got up and threw away what was left of their lunch, then headed to Daniel's office to await his return.
"I apologize if I interrupted your lunch, Daniel," Hammond said as the archeologist came into the office.
Daniel took a seat. "It's okay, sir. I wasn't really all that hungry."
"I have some good news for you. Though there were still a couple of people who were against it, the majority have decided to back off in regards to Danny. They agree that the chance of anyone learning about the program through him is small and definitely not worth the cost of losing you from the program."
Daniel relaxed. "That's good news, sir. Thank you."
"You said that you had another request?"
"Um, yeah. There is a problem about what I'm going to do with Danny while I'm working, and he's not in school. Daycare is out of the question right now, and I don't think a babysitter would be a good idea either, unless it was somebody Danny already knew and trusted. So, I was wondering what you and the others in charge would think about Danny being here while I'm at work. He could spend most of the time in my quarters or my office, so he wouldn't get in the way. It's really the only solution I can think of other than remaining on leave for several more weeks."
"Personally, I would not have a problem with Danny being here," Hammond responded. "He is a bright, well-mannered child whom I'm sure would not cause a disturbance. I am not certain, however, how others would react to this."
"Well, if those people in the Pentagon had gotten their way, Danny would be living here 24/7."
"Good point. All right. As the commander of this base, such a decision would primarily be up to me, so you have my permission to keep Danny here while you are on duty. Just be aware that my superiors may countermand that."
Daniel nodded. "Thank you, sir. In that case, I can come back to work on Tuesday, although I'll probably have to take some more time off next month. Escrow on the house I'm buying is due to close on the ninth."
"Very well. I'm sure that your departments will be glad to have you back." Hammond paused for a moment. "I will put through your transfer effective Tuesday."
Any happiness Daniel felt at the other decisions was immediately doused. "Yes, sir."
Hammond had seen the shadow that passed across the younger man's face, but said nothing. Daniel was doing what he felt that he needed to, regardless of how much it hurt him personally. The archeologist's selflessness was one of the qualities that the general greatly admired and respected, yet, in this case, he had to wonder if Daniel's decision was the right one.
Daniel found everyone in his office.
"Well?" Jack inquired.
"The Pentagon backed off."
The colonel, Sam and Teal'c relaxed.
"Thank goodness," Sam said.
"And there's some other good news. General Hammond gave permission for Danny to stay on the base while I'm working."
Danny smiled. "I get to stay here?"
"Yes, during the day, while I'm working. But that's only until you start school, Danny. After that, we'll have to make other arrangements."
Danny's smile faded. "But you're not going to be part of the team anymore."
Daniel looked at his teammates.
"We decided to go ahead and tell him, Daniel," Sam said.
"Oh." Daniel looked at his clone. "Yes, that's right. I'm not going to be on SG-1 anymore. But it'll be okay. I've got lots of work to keep me busy here, plenty of translations and artifacts to study."
Danny frowned. "Will you ever go through the Stargate again?"
"I hope so. Sometimes, there may be something on another planet that somebody needs my help on."
"But what if Jack, Sam, and Teal'c need your help?"
Daniel met the eyes of his teammates and friends, seeing the emotion within. "I . . . I guess if there was some special job that they really needed me for, I could go with them." No, he was not going to think about that nightmare. Something like that was not going to happen.
"But not all the time."
Daniel sighed silently. "No, not all the time."
Sam swallowed the lump in her throat. "When are you coming back to work?"
"Tuesday. The . . . the transfer will take effect then."
Sam felt tears beginning to threaten and decided that she needed to get out of there right now. She quickly got to her feet. "I, um, need to get back to work." She gave Danny a hug. "I'll see you later, okay?" She then hurried out.
Daniel kept his eyes on the floor, hoping to hide his sorrow from Danny. He heard Jack rise from his seat, then he felt a hand come to rest on his shoulder. He didn't dare look up into the man's eyes.
"We'll come over tomorrow, Daniel," Jack said, his voice soft and low. He then ruffled Danny's hair. "See you later, kiddo."
Teal'c was the last to leave. He gazed for a moment at the man who would soon no longer be his teammate. Then, with a soft touch on the cheek of the boy who was the man's clone, he, too, left.
Danny looked at Daniel. He could tell that the man was very sad, and it really upset him. He hated seeing Daniel feel like that.
"You're really sad about not being on the team anymore," he said.
Daniel lifted his head to meet the boy's eyes. "Yes, but I'll be okay. I'll be sad for a while, but it'll get better."
"Jack and Sam said that you're leaving the team because of me. Does that mean it's my fault?"
"No," Daniel replied quickly. "This is not your fault, Danny. I made this decision because I want what's best for you. I know that you're afraid I'll die, and I know that, if I did die, it would really hurt you. I don't want that to happen, and leaving the team means that there's less of a chance that it will. Something might still happen to me. I can't promise that it won't, but not being on the team puts me in less danger."
"If you're not on the team anymore, can you and Sam be together?"
Daniel sighed. He should have known that question would come up. "No. We're still not going to be together, Danny."
"But why?"
"It's just too hard to explain."
Danny's frown returned. Daniel wasn't going to be on the team anymore, and he wasn't going to get to be with Sam either. The boy was not happy about this at all. "What would happen if you stayed on the team?"
Daniel searched his eyes. "Do you really want to know?"
Danny nodded.
"Well, first of all, there would be times when I'd be gone for more than a day. We sometime go on missions that take a few days. But what's worse is that I could get killed on a mission. I didn't tell you this before because I didn't want to scare you, but I have already died more than once on a mission or because of one."
Danny's eyes widened. "You have?"
"Yes. But every time, something happened to . . . bring me back to life. That doesn't mean, though, that the next time it happened, I would be saved."
"What about Uncle Jack, Sam and Teal'c? Have they ever died?"
"Yes, they have. But they got lucky, too."
"Could they die again?"
"Yes, that danger is always there, Danny. I hope that will never happen, but it could."
"But, if it happens, you won't be there to save them," Danny objected.
Dammit. The specter of Daniel's nightmare came back again. "Actually, I'm usually not the one who does the saving, Danny."
"That's not what Uncle Jack said."
This time, it was Daniel who frowned. "What did he say?"
"He said that there were lots of missions that wouldn't have ended okay if you hadn't been on the team. He said that you've saved lots and lots of people."
"Um . . . I'm sure that he was exaggerating, Danny. Yes, I have helped on missions, especially because I'm good at translating things and have sometimes been able to talk to people and calm them down. But they'll be okay without me. I'm going to help Jack pick somebody to replace me on the team who will be able to help them like I did."
For some reason, that seemed to upset Danny even more. "There's going to be somebody else on the team in place of you?"
"Yes. SG teams are usually four people, so they'll need someone new to take my place."
Danny didn't say any more.
"Do you want to go home now?" the archeologist asked him. He received a nod.
Danny was silent during the trip back, and Daniel had to wonder what the boy was thinking. It was obvious that Danny wasn't happy about Daniel leaving the team. It probably wouldn't take long, however, for the boy to accept it. In a week or two it would be fine, especially if Jack, Sam and Teal'c helped by making Danny believe that they were okay with it, too. Daniel would have to talk to them about that.
Danny was quiet for the remainder of the day, mostly drawing. Daniel spent the time catching up on the magazines he subscribed to, attempting to keep his mind off the fact that the next time he entered the SGC, he would no longer be a part of SG-1.
That night, after Danny had gone to bed, Daniel gathered up the pictures Danny had drawn. One of them halted his movements. It showed four figures that were obviously Daniel and his teammates. Jack, Sam and Teal'c were standing in front of a big circle that could only be the Stargate. Daniel was standing off to the side, waving at them. What upset the archeologist was that all of the figures were sad.
With a deep sigh, Daniel sat at the table, staring at the picture. He'd made this decision mostly for Danny's sake, but all he'd succeeded in doing was making everyone unhappy, including Danny. He wished that he could make the boy understand the magnitude of the threat that being on an SG team posed to Daniel's life. But he couldn't tell the boy the horror stories of what they faced out there. He couldn't put that kind of fear into Danny's mind.
Daniel's teammates came over the next afternoon. For Danny's sake, they all put on happy faces, well, except for Teal'c, of course, who put on a face that was simply not unhappy. Daniel knew that this visit was a goodbye of sorts, though he would still be at the SGC.
Daniel's teammates took him and Danny out to the movies to see a new family film. They ate popcorn and candy and, after it was over, talked about what they liked and didn't like about the movie. Everybody tried very hard to forget that the clock was ticking down on Daniel's departure from the team, but it remained in the back of their minds.
They ate dinner at Taco Bell, then returned to Daniel's house, where a game of Scrabble was started. Jack knew that he was way outmatched by both Daniel and Sam, but he needed something to keep his mind occupied, even if it meant getting creamed by the geniuses of SG-1.
Crap. Come Tuesday, only half of that last statement would be true. He wished that there was something he could do to change this, some way to keep Daniel on the team yet also magically give Danny the security of knowing that the man who took care of him wouldn't get killed on a mission. Obviously, that was not possible.
The game was drawing to a close, Daniel, as usual, in the lead, when Danny walked up to the archeologist.
"I don't want you to leave SG-1," he said.
Daniel stared at him. "What? Danny, I explained why I'm leaving."
"I know, but I don't want you to leave. It's making everyone sad, and it means that you'll hardly ever go to other planets anymore, and you won't be saving any more people like Jack said you do. You need to be on SG-1."
"But, Danny, if I stay on the team, I could get killed on a mission."
Danny's gaze fell. It frightened him to know that Daniel could be killed, that, someday, this man he loved so much could go though the Stargate and never come back. He didn't want to lose Daniel. But he also didn't want everyone to be unhappy, and he wanted Daniel to be exploring other planets and helping people like he had been.
"I know," he said, "but I thought about this a really long time. Mom and Dad always told me that being selfish was wrong, that you should do things for other people more than for yourself. If I let you leave SG-1 so that I wouldn't be afraid of you getting killed, that would be selfish."
Everyone gaped at the wisdom being shown by this young child. Daniel's teammates realized that they were getting a look into what had built the very foundation of the man that Daniel was, the core of selflessness that was at the heart of so many things he did. They had always wondered where it came from, and now they knew.
"Danny, I. . . ." Daniel was at a loss for words. This had really knocked him for a loop. "If . . . if I stay on SG-1, then I'd be selfish, because it wouldn't be the best thing for you and your future."
"No, it wouldn't be selfish, because you'd be doing what I want you to, and that would make me happy. And you'd be doing what Jack, Sam and Teal'c want you to and making them happy, too. Making other people happy isn't being selfish; it's the opposite."
Daniel looked at his teammates, who were all gazing at him with hope in their eyes. They said nothing, their eyes speaking for them.
"I . . . I need to take a walk," he said, standing abruptly. He hurried out the door and away from the house. He did not go far, though, stopping before he reached the end of his property. His eyes turned upward to the stars. What was he going to do? There was a war going on inside him between the side that wanted so badly to stay on SG-1 and give everyone what they wanted and the side that was thinking about Danny's welfare and wanted to give the boy as stable a life as possible.
And then there was the other issue, the one with Sam. If he stayed on SG-1, they'd have to deal with these feelings between them while on missions. Could they do it? It wouldn't be easy. In fact, at times, it would probably be sheer torture. But Sam had already made her feelings known about this. She didn't want Daniel to leave the team because of this thing between them. So, would it really be fair to her to do it anyway?
Daniel kept thinking about the quandary he now found himself in. He'd never thought that it would be possible to be selfish by being unselfish, yet that's basically what this amounted to. If he did what really was the best thing for Danny, leaving the team, he'd be hurting everyone emotionally, including Danny. Daniel couldn't factor in the contribution he made on missions. Despite his nightmare, he still felt that, with the right person to take his place, SG-1 could be as effective as it was with him. So, in the end, the reason to stay, or not stay, would be a personal one. But which decision was the right one?
From the moment Daniel walked out the door, the house had been silent. Daniel's teammates knew that this decision would be a hard one for the archeologist. There was no black and white here, no right and wrong, not when looking at the entire picture. What was right in some ways was wrong in another. They all knew that, when it came to the welfare of the galaxy, Daniel staying on the team was the right decision, but they also knew that he didn't believe his contribution was all that vital, that he was easily replaceable. They doubted that anything would change that mind-set. Sometimes, humility was not a good thing.
Jack looked over at the little boy. "Come here, Danny." The child walked up to him, and he lifted Danny up onto his lap. "I want you to know something. No matter what Daniel decides, I am very, very proud of you. I know that you're afraid Daniel will die on a mission. Putting aside that fear and doing what you think is the right thing for everyone else is one of the bravest, most unselfish things I've ever seen. It's like the things that I have seen Daniel do many times since I first met him. He has sacrificed a great deal for the sake of other people."
"Has he sacrificed his life?"
The question startled everyone.
"It's okay. Daniel told me that he's died more than once already," Danny told them.
"Then, yes, he has sacrificed his life for others, including me," Jack replied.
"He's a good person."
"Yes, he is, Danny, the best person anyone could be."
"I want to be like him when I grow up, and like Mom and Dad, too."
Jack smiled, ruffling the boy's hair. "I'm sure you will be, squirt."
Sam gathered up the pieces of the Scrabble game and put it away. Unlike the rest of them, she knew that there was another reason for Daniel's decision to leave. That reason still existed, and she was desperately hoping that it wouldn't be what made him choose to still leave SG-1.
Everyone turned to the door as it opened. They were nearly holding their breath as Daniel came toward them.
"I've given it a lot of thought. I know that no matter what decision I make, it's going to be the wrong one in some way, but . . . but I've made what I hope is the best choice that I can make."
"Which is?" Jack asked.
"Staying on SG-1."
Four big smiles was the response Daniel got to the announcement.
"Yippee!" Danny cheered. He ran up to Daniel and wrapped his arms around the man. "I'm so glad that you're staying on the team. Now, everybody will be happy."
Daniel's teammates came forward. Sam gave Daniel a hug.
"I'm so glad you're not leaving," she whispered near his ear.
"That goes double for me," Jack said.
"I am very pleased as well, Daniel Jackson," stated Teal'c.
"First thing in the morning, you need to call Hammond and tell him not to file those transfer papers."
Daniel smiled, his heart feeling light. "I will."
"And then, all five of us are going to go do something really fun. You've got just two days left of your leave, and most of this time you've been doing stuff that wasn't fun. So, Doctor Jackson, your teammates are going to show you and Danny a good time."
"But don't you have to work?"
"I'm sure that the general will give us the time off if we tell him what it's for."
"Okay. That would be nice."
"Great!" Jack looked at his watch. "Looks to me like it's way past the bedtime of a certain short person."
"But I don't want to go to bed," Danny declared, which was the first time he'd said that.
"Hey, you need to get plenty of sleep for tomorrow. Don't want you getting tired."
"What are we going to do?" Danny asked excitedly.
"I've got a few ideas. Depends on what I can arrange." He turned his attention to Daniel. "Give me a call after you've given Hammond the news."
"Okay."
Sam, Jack and Teal'c all gave Danny a hug goodbye, then left. A while later, Danny was in bed and Daniel was back outside, his gaze once more on the stars. He hoped that the decision he had made tonight would turn out to be the right one. He wanted to believe that it was since it was what he wanted in his heart and what everyone else wanted as well. But only time would tell if it was a decision he'd be glad he made or one he'd regret.
