CHAPTER FIFTY-SIX
Looking about, Jack spotted Janet over in the shadows near the corner of the building. She was just standing there, head down, arms crossed in such a way that she was almost hugging herself. Jack hesitated, wondering if he should just go back in and leave her alone. His curiosity and concern won out, and he approached her. She was turned almost fully away from him, so she didn't see him coming. He was just a few feet away when he stopped and spoke her name. Janet spun around, and Jack was surprised to see tears in her eyes.
"Janet, what's wrong?" he immediately asked.
"Nothing," Janet said, wiping her eyes. "Nothing's wrong."
"Really. Well, you never struck me as the kind of woman who cried over nothing. In fact, since I've known you, I have seen you cry only two other times, after we lost Daniel and when we all thought that he, Carter and Teal'c were dead. So, forgive me if I don't believe you when you say nothing's wrong."
Janet lifted her chin. "It's private, General, something that I would prefer not discussing. Was there something you wanted, sir?"
Frowning at the coldness in her voice, Jack shook her head. "No. I just saw you come out here, and I wondered why. I thought you might have gotten an emergency call from the base."
"I'm surprised you noticed," Janet muttered under her breath.
Jack's frown deepened. "Excuse me?"
"Nothing. Forget I said that, sir." She tried to move past him, but Jack caught her arm.
"Oh, I don't think so, Doc. What did you mean by that?"
Janet didn't look at him. "I simply couldn't help but notice that you've been spending a lot of time with one of the guests, a woman with long brown hair."
"Kerry Johnson? She's the new CIA liaison. Yes, I've been chatting with her. Charming lady. It turns out that we have a lot of mutual interests."
"I see."
If possible, the temperature of Janet's voice had dropped even lower.
"Well, if you will excuse me, sir, I'm going to go inside," she said stiffly, not looking at him. "I'll be leaving soon, and I want to make arrangements for Cassie to be brought home if she wants to stay longer."
Staring at her, a thought suddenly occurred to Jack, one that both delighted and alarmed him and made a feeling start to grow deep inside, a very dangerous feeling.
"You're jealous," he said in a tone that had dropped in pitch.
Janet's head jerked up, brown eyes glaring at him. "I am not! General, how dare you even suggest such a thing? It is totally inappropriate of you to—"
"Shut up," Jack growled low in his throat.
Janet's eyes widened, stunned by what he'd just said.
"What?! General, how dare you—"
Janet's voice came to a very abrupt halt as Jack yanked her against him and brought his lips down to hers in a hard kiss. For several seconds, Janet just stood there, stiff as a board. Then she suddenly melted. Her lips softened beneath Jack's, and she began to respond. He clutched her tighter against him. And then his tongue found its way into her mouth, and, all at once, they were kissing with voracious hunger, their passion fueled by the anger of moments ago.
Janet was nearly lifted off her feet. She wrapped her arms around his neck and hung on for dear life, awash in the pure, unadulterated desire to keep right on kissing forever.
But the kiss did finally end, both of them dizzy from lack of oxygen. Jack looked down at her, his eyes almost black, desire flickering within their depths.
"Janet," he murmured huskily.
All at once, the thought that what they were doing was a violation of regulations hit them like a blow to the head. Jack released Janet and backed up a hasty step.
"I'm sorry," he said. "I shouldn't have done that. It was inexcusable."
"I-it's all right," Janet stammered as she smoothed her hair with trembling hands. "We just got angry, and our emotions got the better of us. That's all."
Jack shook his head. "No, that isn't it all, and you know it."
Janet's gaze fell to the ground.
"Janet, for years, I had feelings for a certain someone, someone I couldn't have because of regulations. You know who that someone is because you were there when she and I had no choice but to reveal those feelings. After that day, the two of us never talked about how we felt. There were times when I wanted to, but I kept my mouth shut because there was nothing I could do about those feelings. In time, the feelings faded. She has someone else, now, and I couldn't be happier for her." Jack paused. "Now, I'm . . . feeling things for somebody else, another woman under my command, and, just like Sam, I can't have her."
Surprised, Janet looked up at Jack, seeing the truth in his eyes.
"But, this time, I'm not going to say nothing," he said. "I . . . feel things for you, Janet, things I shouldn't, things I tried like hell not to feel. You have no idea how unexpected this is. Out of all the women I know, I'd never have dreamed that it would be you that I'd . . . feel this way for. But I do, and I know that nothing can come of it." He reached out to touch her cheek, but stopped, dropping his hand back to his side. He drew in a deep breath. "We have to forget about this. We have to pretend that it doesn't exist."
Tears filled Janet's eyes. "I know," she whispered.
"I'm not going to say that maybe, someday, things will be different. I'm not ready to retire, and I'd never want to see you leave the SGC. But I don't know what the future will bring."
Janet nodded, her heart aching, her control hanging by a thread.
Jack's hand lifted again, this time not stopping. He caressed her cheek once, softly, wanting so much to kiss her again.
Straightening his spine, Jack then walked away. Janet stood there for a long moment before taking full control of her emotions and also heading for the door.
Around the corner, his presence having gone undiscovered by the two people, was Daniel. He'd escaped out the side door to get away from the crowd for a while and had been an unexpected eavesdropper to what just happened between Jack and Janet. He hadn't been there to hear the whole thing, but he'd heard enough.
Daniel wasn't surprised by the emotions he'd heard revealed. He'd already known that Jack had feelings for Janet. What did surprise him was that Jack actually spoke those feelings aloud to her. Daniel knew that the only reason why the feelings that had existed between Jack and Sam were ever spoken aloud was that they'd had no other choice. For Jack to actually reveal his heart to Janet like that must mean that he loved her very deeply. And they could never be together, not as long as Janet was under Jack's command.
Feeling terribly sad for his friends, Daniel went back inside. He tried to get back into the mood of the party, but couldn't quite manage it. Sam, of course, noticed.
"Daniel, what's wrong?" she asked.
"Not here. I'll tell you later."
The party finally began winding down. Several people stayed behind to help clean up, which made it go quickly. Sam noticed that Janet was not among them and realized that she hadn't seen the doctor in a while.
"Cassie, where's your mom?" she asked.
"Oh, she said she wasn't feeling too well and left a while ago. I'm getting a ride home from Sergeant Siler."
"Is she okay?" Sam asked in concern.
"Yeah, she just said that her stomach was a bit upset."
"Well, tell her that I hope she's feeling better."
"I will."
Once the cleaning up was complete, everyone said goodbye and headed their separate ways. Daniel and Sam went back to his place.
"Okay, so tell me what happened that changed your mood," Sam said just moments after they were in the door.
Daniel hesitated. "I probably shouldn't since you're in the Air Force and under Jack's command, but I know you won't say anything to anyone."
Sam frowned. "Daniel, what is this about?"
He told her what he'd heard of the conversation between Jack and Janet.
"Oh, Daniel. I feel so awful for them. When I had those feelings for Jack, sometimes, it really hurt to know that we'd probably never be together."
"Yeah," Daniel murmured, remembering what it was like when he thought that he'd never be with Sam.
"I wish there was something we could do."
"Well, short of convincing Jack to retire, I don't know what we could do." Daniel shrugged. "You never know. Now that the Goa'uld are gone, maybe, in time, Jack will decide to retire. I know that if I had to leave the SGC to be with you, I would in a heartbeat."
Sam nodded. "Maybe he will. I'd hate to see him leave, but if it meant that he and Janet could be together, it would be worth it."
The next morning, Daniel was busy with a translation when he sensed Jacob's approach.
"Busy?" the man asked as he came in.
"Nothing that can't be put off for a few minutes. What's up?"
"I just wanted to tell you in private, man to man, that you have made me the happiest a father could be."
Daniel's gaze immediately dropped to the desk.
"All fathers wish for the best for their children, at least those who give a damn. They want to see their kids happy, to find love and start a family of their own. When Sam got involved with Jonas Hansen, I knew from the start that he wasn't the right man for her. I was relieved when Sam called off the engagement. For years after that, I kept hoping that she'd meet someone who really was right for her, someone who'd make her happy. Even after I became a Tok'ra and my whole life changed, I still had that wish. You, Daniel, are the right man for her. I know that we've talked about this before, but I want you to really understand that knowing my daughter will be spending the rest of her life with you is the best personal news I could ever receive." Jacob smiled. "And the fact that you're the one responsible for the best news I could ever get as a Tok'ra makes it even better. I haven't been involved in this war for very long, not compared to the millennia that the Tok'ra have been fighting it, but from Selmak's memories, I have seen the centuries of loss and hardship, the struggle to win against an enemy so much more powerful and numerous than the Tok'ra. It's been a long, hard battle, and, thanks to you, it's now over for good."
"Jacob, I only played one part in this. Without all of our efforts, it would never have happened."
Jacob nodded. "Yes, you're right. This is a victory we've all fought hard for, and we can all share in the pride that it's been achieved."
The Tok'ra held out his hand. Daniel got to his feet and took it, finding himself pulled into a warm embrace. In the midst of the happy feelings, he began sensing something, something that made him grow still. As the two men parted, Daniel searched Jacob's face.
"What's wrong?" the Tok'ra asked.
"Selmak. He's dying."
Jacob's gaze dropped. He sighed. "Yes."
"How long have you known?"
"For a while now. He's old, Daniel, two thousand years, the oldest living Tok'ra. Using the sarcophagus, a Goa'uld can live for tens of thousands of years. The Tok'ra do not use the sarcophagus, so their life span is much shorter."
"He doesn't have much longer, Jacob."
Jacob nodded. "I know. He's been telling me that I have to let him go, but I thought we needed him to help fight Anubis. And. . . . Daniel, the bond between a Tok'ra and his host is so complete, beyond mere friendship. I . . . didn't want to let him go." Jacob sighed again. "But I know that I have to. If I don't, I'll die with him."
"I wish I could do something to help. I have the power to heal, but I can't reverse old age. I couldn't do that even when I was ascended. The most I could even hope to do is strengthen him a little, give him a bit more time, and I'm not even sure of that. He isn't even close to being human."
Jacob smiled gently. "No, Daniel. Selmak doesn't expect you to do anything, and neither do I. Anything you did would just be delaying the inevitable."
Daniel felt very sad, both for Jacob and for the loss of Selmak. He'd had very few chances to talk to the symbiote himself, but the few times he had, he'd seen someone who was good, and noble, and honestly cared about people. Selmak's death was going to be a great loss.
"What needs to be done?" Daniel asked softly.
"In a situation like this, the symbiote usually leaves the body of the host, either on its own or with the help of the other the Tok'ra, if it's too weak to do it alone. The effort will kill it almost immediately." Jacob's attention turned inward for a moment. "He says that it needs to be done very soon, before he is too weak to prevent the release of the poison that a symbiote releases as they die."
'All right, my old and dear friend,' Jacob told Selmak silently. 'I don't want to say goodbye, but I know it's time.'
Jacob returned his attention to Daniel, who was looking at him sadly. "I need to talk to Sam, and then I need to contact the Tok'ra."
Jacob went to his daughter's lab. He watched her a moment from the door before she noticed him and smiled.
"Hey, Dad." Then she got a better look at his expression. "What's wrong?"
Jacob came forward and took her hands. "There's something I have to tell you. It's about Selmak. He's dying, Sammie. He doesn't have much longer to live."
Tears filled Sam's eyes. "Oh, no," she whispered.
"I've been putting it off, but I can't any longer. I need to let him go."
"Oh, Dad. I'm so sorry." Sam wrapped her arms around him. He hugged her back tightly.
"I'm going to call the Tok'ra and tell them," Jacob said as they finally drew apart. "I want it to happen here, with my friends and family, with the people Selmak has come to care about, too."
Sam wiped a tear from her face. "Is there something we can do to help?"
"No, just be there for us."
Sam nodded.
Giving his daughter a second, briefer hug, Jacob then went to Jack and told him. Jack didn't think he'd ever feel sorrow over the death of a Tok'ra, but he'd been wrong. Out of all of them, Selmak had been the one Tok'ra Jack truly liked and respected.
Two hours later, a small party of Tok'ra came through the gate. Considering who Selmak was, there should have been more. The entire High Council should have been there to say farewell and pay their final respects, but Selmak and Jacob's relationship with the High Council had greatly eroded, especially since the day they found out that the council had deliberately kept from them the fact that there was a Tok'ra spy in Olokun's inner circle.
Selmak was not upset that so few of his fellow Tok'ra had come. He wanted his final moments to be spent only with the people who cared about him.
Everything was set up in one of the infirmary isolation rooms. Lying on the bed, Jacob looked at Jack and the three members of SG-1.
"Selmak wants to say something to each of you privately," he said. "Jack, you're first."
The others left the room.
"Jack," said the deep, echoing voice of Selmak. "What can I say? You are one of the most aggravating humans I have ever met. But you're also one of the bravest, one of the most determined and dedicated to helping your world. I have admired your strength and stubbornness at the same time as I cursed it. You are a good, man, Jack, and one of the best leaders I have ever known."
Touched by the symbiote's words, Jack didn't know what to say, "Thank you," he finally murmured. "I've made no secret of what I think about the Tok'ra, but, coming from you . . . it means something to me to hear that. You're a good . . . person, Selmak, definitely the best damn one of the whole lot of you. The Tok'ra are going to be a lot poorer without you."
"Thank you, Jack."
Teal'c was the next one to come in.
"Teal'c," Selmak said. "When I learned that a Jaffa had openly defied and rebelled against the Goa'uld, I almost couldn't believe it. And then I met you, and I thought, 'Yes. I see it. This one is not a sheep who followed the Goa'uld without question.' I have such great respect and admiration for you. What you did took so much courage and strength. You paved the way to the freedom your people now have, and I know that you will continue to lead them into becoming a great nation."
"Selmak," Teal'c said, feeling pride and honor that the Tok'ra felt that way. "The Jaffa and the Tok'ra have never been friends, and I believe never will be. But you are a great one among your kind, one who deserves the respect of all Jaffa. I will grieve upon your passing, my friend."
Teal'c crossed an arm over his chest and bowed his head in deep respect.
It was Daniel who came in next. Selmak smiled at him. "Ah, Daniel. You have made this old Tok'ra very happy. I cannot express my joy in the knowledge that you and she will be together. My only regret is that I'm not going to get to see the wedding and all the children I hope you'll have. Through my hosts, I'm a grandparent many times over, but I know that I'd have taken special pride in the grandchildren you and Sam will give Jacob."
The Tok'ra laid a hand on Daniel's forearm. "Daniel, in all my two thousands years, you are one of the most courageous, noble, selfless and compassionate people that I have ever met. From you I learned how limitless the depths of forgiveness and mercy can be. Since gaining your abilities, I've seen you grow and mature even more, becoming a man of such amazing strength and determination, a true leader, though I know you probably wouldn't agree with that. You have succeeded in doing something that I believe many of the Tok'ra thought would never happen. You have completely rid this galaxy of the Goa'uld for all time, and, for that alone, you will have a great place in history. It has been a great honor to know you, Daniel."
Daniel felt the sting of tears, and, for a moment, he couldn't speak. "I don't really know what to say."
Selmak chuckled. "Too bad Jack's not here. He'd call this a red letter day."
That made Daniel smile. "I never got to talk to you much. It was usually Jacob. But I know the kind of person you are through him and through the things you've done for us. We owe you a lot, Selmak, more than we could ever have repaid you for. I'm not like Jack. I never disliked the Tok'ra, although I have had . . . issues with one or two of them."
That made Selmak laugh again.
"I recognize that the Tok'ra did help us a lot, that there are things we accomplished that we never would have without them. But out of all of them, you're the one who helped us the most, the one who was our greatest friend and our strongest ally. And for that, I want to thank you."
Selmak nodded once. "Thank you. Your words mean a great deal to me." He gazed deeply into Daniel's eyes. "Tell all the others not to grieve for me. I've had a long, full life, and I have had the pleasure and privilege of living long enough to see the dream of the Tok'ra come true. I'm dying happy and content." He grasped Daniel's upper arm. "Goodbye, my friend. I leave knowing that the universe is a far better place now and that you will be here to continue fighting for all humanity and its allies."
Daniel gave a nod, his throat tightening. Feeling sad, yet also strangely uplifted, he left the room.
The archeologist walked up to Sam. "It's your turn, Sam."
"I don't know what to say to him," she said, already starting to cry.
"Say what's in your heart, Sam. That's what he wants."
Slowly, Sam entered the room. The face of her father smiled at her.
"Sam," Selmak said. "Come. Sit beside me."
Sam took the seat beside the bed, and Selmak took her hand.
"Martouf told you long ago that, with the Tok'ra, the host and the symbiote feel as one. What the host feels so, too, does the symbiote. The fact is that this is not always entirely true. Sometimes, host and symbiote do not completely share feelings. But, other times, it is very true." Selmak looked into her eyes. "When Jacob became my host, I came to love you like my own daughter. The pride he has in you is a pride I have as well. When he was fearful or worried over you, I had those same feelings. When you grieved and it tore his heart to see it, that pain was also within me." The Tok'ra touched her cheek. "You are precious to both of us."
Sam began crying again. She pressed his hand against her cheek.
"If I had been born human," Selmak said, "and had been blessed with children, I can think of no one that I'd rather have as a daughter than you. You are such a beautiful woman, both on the outside and on the inside, the place that truly matters. Many of my fellow Tok'ra would scoff if they heard me say that your intelligence can be nothing short of amazing. They tend to forget that much of our intelligence comes from our longer lives and having access to more advanced technology and knowledge. You don't have those advantages, yet you have accomplished things that the Tok'ra could not. And that really is incredible."
The Tok'ra smiled. "Jacob wasn't lying when he said I was cheering when you and Daniel announced your engagement. I can't tell you how happy it made me feel when you two became a couple, and that joy grew even more when I heard that you'll be joining yourselves to each other for the rest of your lives. I am so happy for both of you. I know that you'll have a wonderful life together."
Selmak took her hand in both of his. "Sam, I want you to promise me something."
"Anything."
"After I'm gone, I want you to help Jacob. Every time a symbiote loses a host, we grieve, but from the moment we are joined with a host, we know that a day will come when that host will die and we'll have to say goodbye. We prepare ourselves for that eventuality. But on that rare occasion when a host loses their Tok'ra symbiote, it can be so much harder. The host does not expect to be the one who outlives the other. Also, with a symbiote, when the host dies, a new host is found, and bonding with that one helps ease our pain. It was that way when I bonded with Jacob. But Jacob will not have that. There will be no new symbiote to help ease his pain. He will be alone within himself, no more voice speaking mind to mind, no more consciousness to share his inmost thoughts and feelings with. It will be so very lonely for him after I'm gone."
Sam was almost sobbing now, already hurting for her father.
"You know your father, Sam. He'll pretend that he's all right. Don't let him get away with it. Get him to talk about how he feels."
Sam nodded. "I will." She gave him a watery smile. "Is he yelling at you right now for telling me this?"
Selmak let out a soft chuckle. "As a matter of fact, he is. And let me say that his comments are less than complimentary."
Sam choked back a little laugh. She then leaned forward and gently kissed the man's cheek. "That was for you, Selmak. You saved my father's life, for which I will always be grateful. I know that these years he's spent with you have taught him so many things and given him a much richer life. He's gotten to experience things that so few people do. I want to thank you for that, too." She took his hand again. "And I want to thank you for me. Not only did you save my dad's life, you also brought the two of us closer together. We've been able to share things that we never would have otherwise. I always wondered what it would be like to really work with my dad, side-by-side. You made that possible, and it was great. I wish that Mark was here to thank you for your part in healing his relationship with Dad. We all owe you for that."
Getting up out of her chair, Sam wrapped her arms around the man who wore her father's body, but, at that moment, was a person that she had come to like and respect in his own right.
Once they drew apart, Selmak gave her a peaceful smile. "It's time now, Sam. Please ask the Tok'ra to come in."
"Do . . . do you want me to stay?"
"No, it would be best if you weren't here. It will be easier for both you and your father."
Saying goodbye one last time, Sam left the room, telling the Tok'ra that Selmak was ready. Janet went in with them to monitor Jacob's condition.
Sam sat down beside Daniel, and he put his arm around her.
"Are you all right?" he asked gently.
"Yeah. I'm worried for Dad, though. It isn't going to be easy for him afterwards."
"We'll help him get through, Sam, all of us."
A while later, one of the Tok'ra came back out.
"It is done," he said solemnly.
"Is my father all right?" Sam asked.
The man nodded. "He is resting now. The process weakens the host to some extent, but he will regain his strength quickly."
Sam looked at Daniel. "I'm going to sit with him."
He gave her an understanding smile. "Okay. You know where I'll be if you need me."
It was a little over an hour later that Jacob awakened.
"Selmak," he murmured. His eyes then blinked open, full of confusion. And then the memories came, along with the realization that he'd never hear Selmak in his mind again. Sudden grief came crashing down upon him. He felt empty, like only half a person.
Jacob felt someone clutch his hand. He turned to see Sam sitting beside him.
"Dad," she whispered, her eyes dark with shared grief.
"He's gone, Sammie," Jacob said.
Sam nodded and started to cry.
"I feel . . . lost."
"I know, Dad, but it'll be okay. I'm here, and it'll be okay." Sam got to her feet and wrapped her father in a tight hug, feeling his body shake against hers with suppressed sobs.
