CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Daniel gave a little hitching breath as he finally heard the words he'd been longing for so deeply. "You have no idea how much I've wanted to hear you say those words," he said in a quiet, emotion-filled voice. A small but happy smile touched his lips as the tiniest hint of tears brightened his eyes.
"Everything's going to change now, isn't it," Sam said, suddenly afraid in a different way.
Daniel shook his head. "No. We'll still be the same, Sam. That's not going to change."
Sam removed her shoes and curled her legs up onto the couch. Sensing that she needed to be held, Daniel removed his shoes as well, laid his sports jacket over the back of the couch, and put his feet up on the cushions. He gently gathered her to him, and she went willingly, laying her head on his chest.
"I'm . . . I'm kind of scared," Sam admitted in a small voice after a moment. "Isn't that silly? I've faced charging Jaffa, murderous Goa'uld, and all kinds of other dangers and kept my cool through it all, yet this scares me. It's just that. . . ." She stopped, not knowing how to explain.
"I know. After all these years of just being friends, the idea of taking this step, how it's going to affect our relationship, is pretty scary, now that we're actually thinking about it and all the ramifications. But I have thought about this before, Sam. I've had quite a while to think about how it would affect us and our lives, and I know that, no matter what changes or adjustments we have to make, we're going to be okay, better than okay. I have no doubt of that."
Sam nodded, not answering aloud. She knew that she and Daniel could have a happy life together. There was an old adage that friends make the best lovers, and, while not everyone who started out as friends could successfully become lovers, Sam knew that she and Daniel could. Even so, there was one last thing that filled her with uncertainty.
Daniel stared down at her searchingly. "There's something else, isn't there."
Sam's eyes dropped away from his. "I've never been in love before," she whispered. "I thought I had been. I really did. I was engaged to be married, for Pete's sake. But I never loved Jonas, not really. I loved an illusion. And then there was Jack. For so long, I thought about being with him. I didn't know for sure if it was really love, but I thought it might have been. But I was wrong. What I felt for him wasn't love, not the lasting kind. It was an infatuation, one that took a very long time to go away. I was never in love with any man that I've been with or thought about being with," she met Daniel's eyes, "until you." She shook her head with a look of disgust. "And I couldn't even see it. You were right in front of me this whole time, and I couldn't see you. And, now, I'm afraid that. . . ."
"That what, Sam?" Daniel asked gently.
"You've known love, Daniel. You've known what that feels like. You've had that joy. You and Sha're had something very special, and . . ." Sam ducked her head, "I'm afraid that I won't measure up to her."
Stunned by her words, Daniel said nothing for several seconds. Then he turned her around so that he could grasp her shoulders. "Sam, look at me."
The major lifted her head and hesitantly met his eyes.
"How could you ever think that?" he asked. "Yes, I did love Sha're, very, very much. For a long time, I thought that she was my soul mate, the only woman I would ever truly love. But you know what I figured out when I realized that I was in love with you? People don't have to be limited to one soul mate, and there are all kinds of soul mates. You have been one to me almost since the day we met, in ways that Sha're could never be, not just a soul mate, but a kindred soul." Daniel cupped her face in his hands. "Don't ever be afraid that you won't measure up to Sha're, Sam. You are the most important thing in my life, and I love you so much."
With those words, Daniel bent his head and gently took her lips with his. His arms wrapped around her and drew her in. With a sigh, Sam twined her arms about his neck and gave herself over to the feeling, all her doubts and fears melting away.
With all his love, Daniel kissed her, wanting her to see how much he wanted and needed her, and how big a part of his heart she was. He wished that he could do it with more than a kiss, that he could truly show her his heart.
It was then that a memory came to Daniel. With that memory came the ability to do as he desired. Drawing his lips from Sam's, he stared deeply into her eyes for a long, breathless moment.
"See me, Sam. See how much you mean to me," he whispered, and then he closed his eyes . . . and gave himself to her.
Sam gasped, her eyes closing at the feeling, a feeling she had known once before, when Orlin psychically shared himself with her. Yet what she was feeling now made that experience pale in comparison. In wonder, she saw the man before her in his entirely, the beautiful, strong, yet tortured soul that was Daniel Jackson. All his doubts and fears, strengths and weaknesses, loves and hates were laid open and bare for her to see. In a brief moment in time, she knew him as well as he knew himself, perhaps even better, for Daniel truly could not see the beauty that was within him and the things that made him so very special. Above all, Sam felt right down to the depths of her soul the unconditional love that Daniel had for her. It surrounded her with its warmth and nearly made her cry.
As Sam felt all these things, Daniel was lost in a discovery of his own, for, in choosing to share himself with her, he found that the link was working both ways, the psyche of Samantha Carter opening to him. He saw a person of many layers, the soldier and the scientist, the woman and the inner child who loved to ride with the wind in her face. The light and darkness of Sam's soul was his to see, her inmost heart, and, to his eyes, it was beautiful beyond words.
Opening their eyes, Sam and Daniel gazed at each other, the link remaining. Not questioning what was happening, they began to touch each other, and the bond between them expanded, their bodies psychically joining just as their hearts and souls had. Daniel caressed Sam's cheek, feeling the touch as if it was his own face. In amazement, he ran his fingers over the plains and hollows, creating a mental map of her features.
The incredible sensation of experiencing Daniel's touch from both of their perspectives sent Sam on a journey of exploration of her own. She caressed his face, his neck, the strength of his arms. Running her fingers all the way down his arms, she reached his hands, which lifted from her face and clasped hers.
Twin pairs of blue eyes grabbed hold of each other, and there was no need for words. Silently, Daniel stood and, hand in hand, led her into the bedroom.
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