CHAPTER SEVEN
It was two days before Janet agreed to allow Daniel and Sam to attend a debriefing for the events at the Alpha Site. They were brought to the briefing room in wheelchairs, despite the fact that both of them had let the doctor know that they weren't happy about it.
Daniel's narration of the events at the Alpha Site was delivered in a matter-of-fact way, as if he was discussing an ordinary mission. Even so, it still left everyone amazed at what he'd done.
"Okay, let me get this straight," Jack said at one point. "You deliberately stood in the path of that Al'Kesh?"
"Well, no. I didn't put myself in its path on purpose," Daniel replied. "It just turned out that it headed right toward me."
"And it didn't occur to you to move?"
"I was kind of busy, Jack. I needed to keep my attention on detonating those bombs. If I'd divided my attention between that and getting out of the way, one might have gotten through."
"So, you just stood there."
"Yes."
"As bombs were dropped right at you."
"Yes, I think we established that already, Jack."
Jack was silent for a moment. "Daniel, if, God forbid, anything like this ever happens again, I want you to remember just one word."
"What's that?"
"Run!"
Daniel sighed and rolled his eyes.
"Please continue, Doctor Jackson," General Hammond said.
The archeologist went on to recount the things that led up to him being wounded. After that, he got to the part about the Jaffa who attacked the drones. Daniel did not tell them that the Jaffa deliberately gave their lives for him. That was something he simply could not talk about in front of everyone, though Sam already knew. In fact, the look she gave him told Daniel that she understood why he had left that part out.
Daniel and Sam shared the job of recounting what happened during the long hours that they were on the run from the drone. They both fell silent as they reached the point where Daniel killed it. Sam looked at the linguist, her eyes questioning if he wanted her to be the one to tell what happened. He gave his head a slight shake.
"We were at the river only a few minutes when the drone suddenly showed up, taking us by surprise," he said, the strain in his voice increasing. "It started firing upon us. Sam was hit, and. . . ." He halted, eyes staring fiercely at the tabletop.
"Take your time, Son," the general said quietly.
"I, um, knew that I couldn't destroy the armor. It would take too much power. So, I . . . I attacked the drone itself." He stopped again. He felt Sam's hand rest upon his arm in silent support. "I . . . burned it."
There was a brief moment of silence, then General Hammond spoke in a gentle tone. "I can understand how you feel about this, Doctor Jackson. War can be a terrible, ugly thing, and we sometimes have to do things that we despise, things that can even make us ill. But you were faced with a situation where you had to act quickly to save yours and Major Carter's lives. You couldn't stop to ponder on what was morally acceptable."
"Yes, sir," Daniel murmured.
Sam took over the narration from there. A few minutes later, the debriefing came to an end. Hammond told them to have their reports to him by the next morning.
"Before you leave, there is something I wish to add," the general said. "As of today, eleven SGC personnel who were at the Alpha Site are either confirmed dead or still MIA. Considering how many people were at the base and the severity of the attack, it is extraordinary that we lost so few." He looked at Daniel. "There is no doubt in anyone's mind who we have to thank for that. The president sends his personal thanks to you, Doctor Jackson. You will be receiving a commendation from him, which will be placed in your record. If you were in the military, there is no doubt that you would be receiving a medal for your courageous actions."
Embarrassed, Daniel had ducked his head at the beginning of the general's praise. He lifted it to meet the man's eyes. "Thank you, sir." He did not say that he really didn't think he deserved a commendation for what he did.
The nurses who brought Daniel and Sam to the debriefing returned to take them back to the infirmary. Jack accompanied them onto the elevator. When the door opened at the floor the infirmary was on, Jack stopped the nurse from taking Daniel.
"I'll take him," Jack said. "Tell the doc that I'll have him back in her tender loving care in a little while."
"Jack, I'd really rather go back to the infirmary," Daniel said.
"Patience, Daniel. You'll be back in your nice, cozy bed well before they serve lunch. I know how you love that jello."
Sam gave Daniel a sympathetic look as she was wheeled off the elevator. Jack pushed the button for Level 18. As they continued up, neither man spoke. Once they reached the level, Jack took Daniel to the archeologist's office. He shut the door to give them privacy, then took a seat.
"Jack, if this is about the Al'Kesh—" Daniel began.
"It's not about the Al'Kesh, Daniel."
The softness of Jack's voice surprised the younger man. "Then what?"
"Would you like to talk about what happened with the drone?"
Daniel's gaze instantly dropped to the floor. "Not really."
"General Hammond was right, Daniel. You had to act and act fast. There was no time for you to weigh what was right and wrong. That thing was going to kill you and Carter. It had been hunting you for hours and wasn't going to give up till you were both dead."
"You don't understand," Daniel muttered.
"Don't I? Daniel, I was in Black Ops. I think you know what kinds of things they do. I have done a lot of stuff that I am not proud of, stuff that most people would call immoral. But I did it because it was believed to be necessary. What you did was necessary."
"No. No, it wasn't."
"So, what could you have done instead? Sent it flying into the trees again? It would have just come right back. You and Carter weren't going to be safe until it was dead. You made the decision to eliminate the threat, just like you should have."
Daniel's head shot up, blue eyes boring into Jack's. "You don't understand!" he cried. "I did it because it hurt Sam!"
If silence really could be deafening, that's how the absolute absence of noise that followed would have been described. Daniel's head had dropped into his hands, palms pressed into his eyes.
"When I heard Sam cry out, it scared me," he said after several seconds had passed, "and it made me angry. All I could think about was killing it so that it couldn't hurt her anymore. I really didn't even think about what I was doing to it. I just . . . reacted. It wasn't until afterwards that it hit me what I had done. God, what kind of monster am I?"
Jack leaned forward. "Hey," he said sharply. "Let's get one thing straight. You are not a monster, not even close. In fact, you're just about as far away from being a monster as anyone can be. But you're also not a saint, Daniel. Okay, so what you did might not have been a very nice thing to do, and it's probably going to give you nightmares for a while, but you did it out of love, and there isn't a better reason than that to do something."
"I'm just ashamed of myself, Jack. I thought I was better than that. I know that I've deliberately killed with these abilities before. I've destroyed three Al'Kesh! It's just the way I did it. I could have tried to . . . to break its neck or something. Something quick and-and painless. Not . . . that."
"Daniel, did you have time to think about how you were going to kill it?"
"No, not really," Daniel admitted.
"Like I said before, you had to act fast, and your instincts took over. What you have to remember is that drone was created for one purpose, and that was to kill and destroy. It wouldn't have hesitated to torture and kill you and Carter, if that's what Anubis told it to do."
"I know that, Jack, but it still doesn't make what I did any less horrible."
"Maybe not, but tell me this. What's more important, you killing that thing in a humane way or you making sure that Carter was safe? I can tell you what I think is more important."
Daniel didn't say anything. The answer was pretty obvious. Sam's safety would always come first.
"You saved both Carter's life and your own. Nothing else is more important than that," Jack concluded.
The colonel took Daniel back to the infirmary. He didn't hang around, saying that he had things to do.
Sam studied the archeologist's expression, seeing the deep frown there.
"Are you okay?" she asked. "The colonel didn't get on your case about not running for cover, did he?"
"No, it wasn't about that. It was about what I did to the drone."
"Oh. Daniel, I know what you did really bothers you. It would probably bother me, too, if I was in your place, but—"
"It's okay, Sam," Daniel interrupted. He looked at her. "Jack made one very good point that I can't deny. What I did to that drone might have been horrible, but if it came to choosing between killing it in a way that was more humane and making sure you were safe, I know what would be more important, what would matter most. What really matters is that you're okay."
Sam looked into his eyes. "What really matters is that we're both okay, Daniel."
Both of them feeling tired and sore, the two friends laid down facing each other. The last thing they saw as they closed their eyes was the face of someone they loved.
It had been five days since the attack. The search for a new location for the Alpha Site was well underway. Like before, a Stargate would be transported by ship to a world that previously didn't have a gate, making it an entirely new address, which would greatly reduce the chance that a Goa'uld would come for a visit. Unfortunately, since they no longer had the Tok'ra to give them information on possible planets, the search was going to take a great deal longer. When Daniel suggested that the Asgard might be able to help out, a call went out to them. In the meantime, the Beta Site would take the place of the Alpha Site, though it wasn't as secure.
Daniel and Sam had been released from the infirmary today, which delighted both of them. Daniel had kept his word to Janet and not pleaded even once to be allowed out of the infirmary ahead of schedule, but that didn't mean that he'd enjoyed his time there.
He was presently on his way to Teal'c's quarters. There was something he had been wanting to talk to the Jaffa about, but it was something that needed complete privacy.
Upon knocking on Teal'c's door, he received permission to come in.
"Daniel Jackson. It is good to see you out of the infirmary," the Jaffa said from his seat on the floor.
"It feels good to be out of there. Um . . . Teal'c, there's something I want to talk to you about."
"Regarding what matter?"
Daniel closed the door and sat in a chair. Teal'c got up from the floor and settled on the edge of the bed, facing the archeologist.
"It's . . . about what happened at the Alpha Site," Daniel explained, "something that I didn't include in the debriefing or my written report. I know that Sam didn't put it in her report either." His gaze dropped to the floor. "It's about the seven Jaffa who attacked the drone that was shooting at me, Sam and Jacob, the drone that wounded me."
Teal'c nodded. "You struck at the drone with your power to attempt to stop it."
"But it only stopped it temporarily. Then another drone showed up, and we had to run." Daniel met Teal'c's eyes. "What I didn't say before was that those seven Jaffa deliberately sacrificed their lives for me. They died for me, Teal'c." The last sentence held all the guilt and grief that he'd been feeling since it happened.
"And you wish to know why," Teal'c guessed.
"Yes! Why did they do that, Teal'c? Why did they stand there and-and-and let themselves be killed? I begged them to come with us, to run, but they wouldn't go. They said that . . . that they'd pledged their lives to saving mine." Daniel jumped to his feet and strode away a couple of paces. "God, Teal'c. I didn't want that." His voice dropped to a distraught whisper as his head bowed. "I didn't want anyone to die for me."
Teal'c rose to his feet and took a step toward Daniel. "Many times you have made the decision to risk your life, to give your life for another. For what reason did you do that?"
Daniel's head lifted, but he did not turn back around. "Because I thought it was the right thing to do, because I couldn't just stand by and do nothing."
"Then you already have your answer, Daniel Jackson. Those Jaffa believed that giving their lives for yours was the right thing to do. They valued your life more than their own, and they knew that they could not let you die if it was within their power to save you."
"Why didn't they come with us? We could have escaped together."
"If they had come with you, would the drones not have immediately followed?"
"Yes, I guess so."
"But, instead, they were delayed by the Jaffa, giving you the precious seconds you needed to get away. It is for that reason that the Jaffa stayed, to delay the drones for however long they could, just as you stayed at the Alpha Site to give everyone there time to escape."
Daniel didn't speak for several seconds. "Do you know who they were? Do you know their names?"
"It would be possible for me to learn."
Daniel nodded slightly. "I'd, um, like to . . . to honor them in some way." He finally turned around and met Teal'c's gaze. The Jaffa could see tears in his eyes. "Could you help me with that?"
Teal'c came up to his friend, placing a hand on Daniel's shoulder. "I would be honored to help you in that way, Daniel Jackson."
Daniel swallowed tightly and wiped a finger over his eyes before the tears there could fall. He then cleared his throat and wandered off to examine something on the nightstand.
"I've never asked you what you think about all of this, this whole thing about 'Dan'yar'," he said.
"Do you wish to know my thoughts?"
Daniel put down the object in his hand and looked at the Jaffa. "Yes, I guess I do."
"In these years that we have been friends and teammates, I have come to know you. In the beginning, there was much about you that I did not understand. You were unlike anyone I had ever known. But, even then, I knew that you were a man of honor and integrity. That became clear to me the day you chose to give me forgiveness for my part in what became of your wife. In the time that has passed since then, you have changed greatly. You are now not only a man of great learning but also a mighty warrior. When you gained these abilities you now have, I knew that you would use them wisely and in a way that would help defeat the Goa'uld, but I did not realize how greatly they would shape you, how, in gaining this power, you would also gain a new depth to your soul."
Daniel shook his head in denial. "I haven't changed, Teal'c."
"Indeed you have, Daniel Jackson. It is not always evident, but it is there. You have become a leader."
"What? Teal'c, I have no idea what you're talking about."
The Jaffa smiled slightly. "Perhaps you do not. I think that you are not entirely aware of the strength within you. I have spoken to many of the Jaffa who were at the Alpha Site, and I have heard what the SGC personnel who were there have said. And what they saw was a leader."
"Teal'c, I didn't lead anyone."
"To be a leader does not simply mean to be someone who leads others. I have studied your dictionary at length and have learned the meanings of many words." Teal'c fetched a book and handed it to Daniel. "Tell me what it says the word 'leader' means."
Frowning, Daniel looked up the word in the dictionary, though he already knew what it meant.
"'A person who directs a military force or unit,'" he quoted. "'A person who has commanding authority or influence. The—'" He halted when Teal'c placed his hand over the page. Daniel looked at him. "Teal'c, you've got to be joking. I don't have commanding authority or influence. Jack has that. You have that. You both tell people to do something, and they do it, at least most of the time. Me, I have to talk people into doing things. I have to reason with them, and cajole, and, sometimes, downright beg. Yes, I did have some authority on some of the digs I've been on, and, yes, I am the head of the Archeology and Linguistics Departments, but that's entirely different. There is nothing commanding about me at all."
"Yet the fact remains that those who were at the Alpha Site saw in you a leader."
Seeing that he wasn't getting anywhere, Daniel gave up arguing. "Okay, so what does this have to do with what you think about the whole Dan'yar business?"
"Many of the rebel Jaffa have come to look upon you as the embodiment of all the Jaffa would have wanted the Goa'uld to be as their gods. In all the ways that the Goa'uld fall short of that image, you do not. For thousands of years, the Jaffa were led to believe that the Goa'uld were gods of great and magical power, all-powerful and all-knowing. We now know that their power comes from their technology and is merely a thing of science. The power you possess comes from your own mind and can truly be looked upon as magical in many ways. The Goa'uld are cruel masters who have no respect for those who serve them, whereas you show kindness and consideration to all and give the Jaffa your respect, treating them as equals. When their lives are threatened, the Goa'uld take the first opportunity to flee, using their Jaffa and human slaves as a shield to protect them. You step forward and give your own life so that others might live. Because of these things, as much as they now despise the Goa'uld, they revere you. It is true that you are neither all-powerful nor all-knowing, but this matters not to the Jaffa. You have become a powerful symbol to them, one that encourages them in their quest to gain freedom from the Goa'uld and gives them greater hope and confidence that they will succeed. Before this happened, the rebel Jaffa were greatly motivated in our cause, but, now, that motivation is becoming zealotry. In the weeks that have passed since word of you began spreading, more Jaffa have joined the rebellion than all of the previous seven years combined. We are becoming a mighty army."
Teal'c looked intently into Daniel's eyes. "The Daniel Jackson I knew in past years was a man of great strength, but he could not have accepted the responsibilities that the role you now have among the Jaffa requires of you. The Daniel Jackson who stands before me today can. The strength of your will and your determination has grown in these months since the discovery of your power. As I said before, though you have not yet led, you have become a leader."
Daniel stared at Teal'c, open-mouthed. "Teal'c you can't possibly mean that you agree with all this. You know me. You've seen me in the worst possible situations. How can you buy into all this stuff about me being some great and powerful demigod?!"
"I do not."
"Then what are you saying?"
"I know that you are not a god, nor even a demigod. I know that you are still the mortal man that you have always been, one who has his weaknesses, fears and faults. The other Jaffa know this as well. What I am saying to you is that you are the embodiment of all the Jaffa would have wanted the Goa'uld to be as their gods. You possess the power, courage and integrity that would have made the Goa'uld worthy of our complete allegiance. In that way, the image the Jaffa have of you is not in error, and, if the day comes that you must lead the Jaffa into battle against the Goa'uld, I have every confidence that you will do so with skill and courage."
"Well, I can't tell you how much I hope that never becomes necessary, Teal'c."
"But, if it does, Daniel Jackson, I will be there with the rest of my brothers, following you into victory against the Goa'uld."
Daniel was so deep in thought after he left Teal'c's that he wasn't really paying attention to where he was going and ended up bumping into Colonel Bray, a short-tempered, ill-mannered Marine who'd never had much patience for scientists and academics.
"Hey, watch where you're going, you clum. . . ." The man's voice faded off as he saw who it was that bumped into him. His entire demeanor changed, as if it was General Hammond standing before him instead of Daniel. "Doctor Jackson! My apologies, sir. I didn't see that it was you."
Daniel's mouth fell open in shock. "Um . . . that's okay. No harm done."
Bray nodded sharply. "Have a good day, sir," he said, then continued on his way.
Daniel stood staring after him, his mouth still hanging open. What the heck had that been all about?
Totally perplexed, Daniel continued to his office. He was just stepping through the doorway when the klaxons started sounding, followed by the announcement of an unscheduled off-world activation. The archeologist let out a sigh. He was tempted to just ignore the alert, but he had a feeling that this had something to do with him.
Turning around, Daniel headed to the control room. He arrived at the same time Jack did, which was just in time to see Bra'tac appear through the gate.
"Welcome, Master Bra'tac," General Hammond said into the microphone. He asked Bra'tac to come upstairs.
When the Jaffa saw Daniel, a smile lifted the corners of his mouth. "Daniel Jackson. It is good to see you well. I heard of the ordeal that you and Major Carter suffered." He gestured at Daniel's arm, which was still in a sling. "How serious is your injury?"
"It's going to take a few weeks to completely heal, but I'll be fine. It could have been a lot worse."
Bra'tac's expression had turned troubled. "I fear that I have come with some serious news. Something has happened that could threaten the alliance between the Tau'ri and the Jaffa." He looked at Daniel. "And you are the only one who can stop it."
