CHAPTER THREE
The two men went to the locker room to change, then hit the gym. As Cameron beat up a defenseless punching bag, Daniel lifted weights. Neither of them said a word about the mission since there were several other people also in the gym.
After about an hour of working out, they returned to the locker room and showered. As they dressed, Daniel glanced at Cameron, then looked about, confirming that there was no one else in the room.
"I've been wondering about something," he said. "Why did you and Vala take it all the way? I mean, you knew that all you had to do was make her . . . climax, then the effects of the fruit would have dissipated."
Cameron scrubbed his face with his hands. "I don't know. That's what I was intending to do. I don't know what happened. She was naked and crawling all over me, nearly ripping my clothes off and doing a whole lot of touching. It started really getting to me. I am a man, after all. But I tried to stay focused on what I was supposed to do. And then, suddenly, I just . . . lost control. It was like my mind fogged over with this overwhelming desire, and I couldn't stop myself."
Daniel frowned, staring down at the shoe in his hands.
Cameron looked at him. "Is there something you and Sam aren't telling us?"
"Uh . . . after we got through with pretending, Sam and I figured that they'd expect us to be in physical contact when they came in to get us, so we held each other. We were both in our underwear so that it would look like we were naked. I, um, started feeling some . . . things. Then it suddenly hit me full force. It was just like you described. I guess it must have been the same for Sam."
Cameron stared at him. "Jackson, did you and Sam—"
"No," Daniel quickly denied. "But, if we hadn't been interrupted, I think we would have. I sure wanted to."
"Whoa. This sounds to me like not just women are affected by that fruit."
"I hope you're right. Um, about you and Vala. Is this going to cause a problem?"
The pilot sighed. "You mean personally or professionally?"
"Both."
"Professionally, you bet it will. We were on a mission, and I had sex with a teammate. That's inappropriate behavior with big, bold capital letters. Considering the circumstances, charges probably won't be filed, but I'm sure I'll get an official reprimand. It will go on my record. The only thing that'll save me from that is if it turns out I was affected by the fruit, too. Then I might be okay, at least officially. Unofficially, I am so not looking forward to what people on base are going to say and think."
"And personally?"
"Well, it's not like it was a bad experience. Like I said, I am a man, and Vala is a very attractive woman, and if this had happened under normal circumstances, I wouldn't be feeling like this. But this was about the worst possible way it could happen, ten times worse than getting drunk and waking up in bed with each other. And I'm mad at myself for not being able to stay in control and do only what I should have."
At that moment, there was a call over the P.A. for SG-1 to come to the infirmary. The men quickly finished dressing and headed over there. Sam, Teal'c and Vala were already there when they arrived.
"First of all, General Landry filled me in on what happened," Caroline said. "I did a whole battery of tests not only on the fruit but also on Sam's and Vala's blood and urine samples. And, yes, that fruit is a very powerful aphrodisiac to the person who ingests it, but that's not all. I discovered something else, a chemical that I strongly suspect would act as a kind of super-powered sex pheromone. I'm guessing that the highest concentration of it would be present in bodily fluids, like sweat and, possibly, saliva." She focused her gaze on Cameron. "Did you experience any unusual levels of sexual arousal during your experience with Vala?"
"Oh, boy, did I ever," he replied, incredibly relieved that there was a good reason why he lost control.
Caroline nodded. "I also determined something else from Sam's test results. I believe that her resistence to what's in the fruit may have been because she's on birth control. The fruit does not work exactly the same way that aphrodisiacs we have here on Earth do. You see, things like birth control pills and patches trick the body into thinking it's pregnant. If this fruit is nature's way of encouraging procreation, it might not work on pregnant females."
"You know, there is something I've been wondering about," Sam said. "Tafrea ate some of the fruit, too, but she didn't appear to be affected. But she couldn't have been pregnant. She was too old."
"How old?"
"Maybe in her early sixties."
"Which would mean that she was post-menopausal and could no longer bear children. That adds weight to my suspicions about the aphrodisiac. I'm going to need to do more comprehensive tests."
Cameron had been silently panicking for the last couple of minutes. He finally spoke. "Doc, are you saying that Vala isn't on birth control?"
Vala ran her hand up and down his arm. "I hope you like children, darling."
"Oh, lord. Please, please tell me she's joking."
"She's joking," Caroline said. "Vala had an IUD inserted a few months ago. Since an IUD works by preventing sperm from entering the uterus rather than using synthetic hormones to prevent conception, it had no effect on the chemicals within the fruit."
"Which is why I was affected, but Samantha wasn't," Vala said.
Caroline turned to Daniel and Sam. "Actually, Sam probably wouldn't have been completely immune to the effects of the fruit, and I did detect traces of that pheromone-like chemical in her bloodstream."
"Ah hah," Vala said, smiling. "I knew I was right. You two did do the crazy thing."
"That's 'wild thing'," Daniel corrected, "and, no, we didn't, although we were . . . affected."
"Yes, you could definitely say that," Sam murmured.
The former host of Qetesh grinned with glee. "So, what did you do? I'm betting some serious making out. Am I right?"
"Sam and I will be taking that information with us to the grave, Vala," Daniel replied.
Vala looked back and forth between their identically stony expressions. "Well, you're no fun at all."
"Everything is mostly out of both of your systems," Caroline said to the women. "There are still some traces, but not enough to have a significant influence on your behavior, no more than eating oysters or some other mildly aphrodisiacal food. I'd say that, by tomorrow, your bodies will be completely free of it." She turned her attention fully on Cameron and Vala. "It's a good thing that we conduct regular tests for the presence of STDs. You did participate in unprotected sex."
"What are STDs?" Vala asked.
"Sexually transmitted diseases."
"Ah, yes. Those are not pleasant. I once knew a woman who contracted this truly dreadful disease after a little dalliance with—"
"Vala?" Daniel interrupted.
The woman smiled at him. "Yes, Daniel?"
"Shut up," he, Sam and Cameron all said at the same time.
"Oh, one more thing," Caroline said. "Though I would have liked to find out what causes the majority of male children to die during puberty on that planet, the general and I have agreed that it would be far too dangerous to send anyone back there, for obvious reasons. I have a few guesses, one being that something in the environment has an effect on testosterone, perhaps altering its composition into something that's toxic to the body. But, without tests, there is no way to confirm anything, so I'm afraid it will have to remain a mystery."
Everyone went off to write their reports, except for Vala, that is, who followed Sam to her lab.
"Okay, now that it's just us girls, tell me all about it," the dark-haired woman said, taking a seat and gazing at Sam with an expression of intense interest. "Even if you didn't have sex, I'm betting things got pretty hot. So, how is Daniel in bed? Is he as passionate as I've always suspected? I have to tell you that Cameron is quite a tiger. I guess what I've heard about those flyboys is true."
"We are not talking about this, Vala," Sam stated with a touch of anger. "Daniel and Cam are our teammates. You should show them respect."
Vala grinned. "Oh, I have even more respect for Cameron than I did before."
Sam sighed in frustration and irritation. She really understood now why Vala had driven Daniel crazy while the two of them were forced to remain near each other because of those Goa'uld bracelets. Daniel had confessed to Sam on the phone how miserable he was having to constantly deal with the woman, even admitting that she kept coming onto him no matter how much he discouraged her. Since Vala's return from the Ori galaxy, Sam hadn't seen her acting that way toward Daniel very much. Perhaps it was because she was married, even if, for her, it had been a marriage of 'convenience'. But Tomin was now dead, having died saving Vala from the Ori's forces, betraying the beings he worshiped out of love for a woman who probably didn't love him in return. Or had Vala loved Tomin, and the way she was acting now was her way of burying the pain of losing him? Sam had her doubts about that. Vala was just being Vala, plain and simple.
"Don't you have a report to write?" Sam asked, glaring at the woman.
Vala smiled brightly. "Why, yes, I do." She popped to her feet. "This is going to be a fun one to write." She fairly skipped out of the lab.
Sam let out a sigh. "I feel so sorry for Cam."
For Daniel, Sam and Cameron, writing their reports was anything but easy as they struggled to put in as few details about certain events as they could get away with, as well as keeping their reports impersonal and professional.
Cameron made sure he saw Vala's report before she got it to Landry and promptly made her do a rewrite . . . twice. There was a definite pout on the woman's face during the second rewrite. Cameron decided that it would be a good time for them to talk about the whole thing.
"Okay, look, Vala. It's not that I didn't enjoy what happened, but this whole thing has caused a real mess. We're teammates, and, technically, I'm your superior, and we're supposed to maintain a certain level of professionalism, and this totally trashed all of that. Then, too, are the rules about this sort of thing and the damage it could have done to my career if it had turned out that there was no good reason for me to let it happen. On top of that is the fact that the whole base is going to know we had sex, which is really not gonna make it a fun place to be." He met her eyes. "I just don't want you to think that I'm disgusted because of you personally."
Vala smiled. "I know, Cameron. And you're right. I'd rather have had sex with you in a nice romantic setting after a lovely dinner and perhaps some dancing or a movie . . . and with both of us willing and fully in control of what we were doing."
"Then you understand why I was so mad."
"Yes, of course I do. I mean, you couldn't possibly find me disgusting, Cameron. I'm far too attractive, not to mention fantastic in bed, as you found out for yourself."
Cameron saw the twinkle in her eyes. Okay, so this kind of teasing he could take. "All right. So, no more of those comments? They just make the situation worse."
"No more comments." She crossed her finger over her chest. "Cross my heart." She leaned over and whispered in his ear. "However, I want you to know that, if you ever decide that you'd like to have that romantic dinner, movie and some mutually consensual sex with no drugs or alien fruit involved, I will be more than happy to oblige."
Cameron couldn't help but smile. "I will definitely remember that for the day when we're no longer teammates, Vala."
Landry had been right about Jack's reaction when he was told that evening about what happened.
"You know, I hate to say it, but this doesn't really surprise me," the head of Homeworld Security said. "Given the SGC's history of weird diseases, drugs, and alien experiences, something like this was bound to happen sooner or later. How fitting that it should happen to SG-1. So, what are you going to do about Mitchell and Vala."
"Oh, I thought I'd make them suffer a while longer, then let them off the hook. According to Caroline, they really didn't have much control over their actions. That aphrodisiac and the pheromone-like chemical were apparently pretty potent."
"And Daniel and Carter?"
"I've decided to give them a break. After all, they didn't actually have sex, and they did do a good job of pulling the wool over everyone's eyes. I do have to wonder exactly what happened after their 'performance', though. Their report was distinctly lacking in details."
By late morning, half the base knew about what happened and was quickly passing on the news to the other half. Cameron's prediction turned out to be pretty accurate. Daniel and Sam did receive their fair share of teasing and remarks made behind their backs, but the real targets were Cameron and Vala. For Cameron, there were veiled – and not so veiled – comments, jokes, head shakes, pats on the back from more than one man, frowns from several women, and a whole lot of snickering and whispered remarks between people. Vala didn't get any pats on the back, but she did get all the rest, plus a couple of women asking how good Cameron was in the sack. While many understood that the two had been under the influence of alien chemicals, a few clearly thought that they could have fought it and maintained their professionalism.
As for Daniel and Sam, the teasing and remarks were not all that they had to deal with, for they were both having a very hard time getting past what happened between them. Daniel kept remembering how Sam's body felt beneath him, the taste of her mouth, the smell of her skin, the softness of her breast in his hand. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get it out of his mind, and it was driving him crazy. He knew it was wrong, but he couldn't stop himself from fantasizing about being with her, to finish what they'd started on that day.
As for Sam, she was having the same trouble. She couldn't stop thinking of Daniel's pleasant weight on top of her, his tongue in her mouth, his large hands gliding over her body. It was driving her to distraction, causing her to make repeated mistakes in her work. She tried to think of anything and everything else, but to no avail. Up until that day, though she had recognized Daniel as a very attractive man, there had been no desire. Now, she couldn't stop wondering what it would be like to make love with him.
The following afternoon, all of SG-1 were called to the briefing room. Daniel got there first to find Jack sitting at the head of the table.
'Why am I not surprised?' he asked himself. "Jack."
"Daniel."
"Couldn't stay away, could you."
"What, and miss being a part of this?"
The other four members of SG-1 came in. Sam froze for a second upon seeing Jack, then took her seat, avoiding looking at him.
Landry came out of his office, but, instead of sitting at the table, he leaned against the doorjamb, apparently intending just to be a spectator.
"Hello, boys and girls," Jack greeted. He made a point of looking through a file before him. "My, my, my. You sure have been busy bees, haven't you. I think I might have the pages of this report framed for posterity." He looked up at them. "So, children, what valuable lessons did we learn from this?"
"Lesson Number One: don't eat the alien fruit," Cameron replied.
"Yes, that's right up there with don't eat the alien pastry given especially to you by a pretty girl," Daniel commented.
"Alien pastry?" Vala queried with a smile. "That sounds interesting. Did that happen to one of you?"
The eyes of every one of her teammates went to Jack.
"We're not here to discuss me," he said, not amused. "At least I didn't get involved in an SG-1 orgy."
"Is not an orgy a sexual encounter involving many people in a single location, O'Neill?" Teal'c inquired.
Jack glared at the Jaffa, knowing that Teal'c was very well aware of what an orgy was. "All right, so it wasn't an orgy per se," he admitted, wondering how he'd lost control of this meeting so quickly. "The point is that there was teammate sex and making out going on. Now, Lesson Number Two."
Vala held up her hand. "Oh! I know. If you do eat the alien fruit . . . or pastry and have an irresistible urge to make like a bunny, do it with someone other than a teammate."
"Not exactly what I had in mind," Jack responded. "I was thinking more along the lines of going off someplace by yourself and taking matters into your own hands, if you all catch my drift."
"Sir, that wouldn't have been possible under the circumstances," Sam said.
"Then let us all hope and pray that you're never in those circumstances again, Carter."
"Is there a Lesson Number Three?" Vala asked.
"Yeah, I've got one," Cameron replied. "If something like this ever happens, keep your mouth shut and don't tell a damn soul about it."
Jack's expression turned thoughtful. "You know, I like that one. It would definitely have prevented all kinds of problems. Instead of being on a flight back to D.C. tonight, I'd be at home watching a game and sipping on a nice cold one." He looked around the table. "Lesson Number Four anyone?"
"Yes," Daniel replied. "If keeping your mouth shut is not an option, before you tell anyone, find the person responsible for putting stuff like this on the base grapevine and arrange for them to spend a very long vacation off-world."
Jack nodded. "I like that one, too. Number Five?"
"Yeah, in case of a situation like this, invent some horrible sexually transmitted disease to scare everyone off with," Sam muttered.
"Ooh. Good one, Carter."
"Or say you're a Jaffa," Cameron added.
"That might work, too. Any more?" Jack looked around at everyone. "No? Well, then I guess class is out, kids. I hope you keep all these valuable lessons firmly in mind." Jack got to his feet, followed by the others.
SG-1 split up and went their separate ways, Daniel going to his office. He knew it was only a matter of time before he got a certain visitor. It took fifteen minutes.
Jack walked into the room. "You know, Daniel, I find the whole idea of you and Carter having a rip-roaring round of faked sex quite surreal. It's added a whole new facet to my image of you. Now, I could almost picture Carter doing something like that, if she had no other choice. But you? Nope, wouldn't have imagined that in a million years."
"Well, Jack, it wasn't exactly something I ever pictured myself doing either."
"I hear that you were both quite . . . vocal."
Daniel groaned inwardly. 'Shut up, Jack, please,' he begged voicelessly. Of course, Jack didn't.
"So, was it audio only or was there some video as well?" the man asked.
"Pretty much all just audio, except for bouncing on the bed to make it creak."
"Really? Bummer. That wouldn't have been half as much fun."
"Any more fun, and they'd have heard us laughing hysterically."
"Well, as long as you guys had fun."
"Oh, a barrel of laughs."
Jack crossed his arms and leaned against the edge of the counter. "So, you gonna tell me what you and Carter did after you finished with your little porn radio performance?"
"No."
"I could order you to tell me."
"No, you can't."
"Yeah, you're right. I could order Carter to tell me."
"Yes, if you want to put your life at risk."
"There is that." Jack studied the archeologist. "Look, Daniel. All joking aside, I should imagine that this is making you and Carter a little uncomfortable around each other." Daniel's gaze turned away from him, then dropped to the floor. "You two might want to talk about it, maybe spend an hour or two at her place or yours to work it out. You have always been a good team. You work well together. I wouldn't want to see that get messed up."
"Yeah," Daniel murmured, silently adding, 'If you only knew how messed up things are right now.'
Jack straightened. "Well, I'm off to talk to Mitchell about keeping it in his pants."
"Are you going to talk to Sam, too?"
"Ah, no, I think I'll pass on that. Ticking her off might result in her doing something to me that only scientists would understand."
"And Vala?"
"Hell no. Nothing I said would make a damn bit of difference anyway."
"Welcome to my world."
Jack patted Daniel's shoulder. "Cheer up, Daniel. It could be worse. It could have been Vala who was first given the fruit."
"Thanks, Jack. I'm already having nightmares about that."
The general smiled. "Yes, I imagine you are." With that, he walked out the doorway.
By the end of the week, the nerves of more than one member of SG-1 were completely frazzled, and they were all looking forward to the weekend off.
In the locker room, Cameron stripped off his T-shirt and BDU pants and began putting on his civvies.
"I am so looking forward to getting out of here for two days and going someplace for some fun," he said to Daniel, who was also getting changed. "I was thinking of hopping in my truck and heading up into the mountains. Wanna join me?" When there was no answer, the leader of SG-1 looked at Daniel, who seemed to be staring at something in his locker. "Hey. Earth to Jackson."
Daniel blinked a few times and turned to him. "What?"
"What's up with you? You've been acting out of it for days. Got something on your mind?"
"No," Daniel quickly replied, resuming the process of getting dressed. "This whole thing with M2C-523 has just been getting on my nerves."
"Hey, you should feel lucky that you're not in the same boat as me. If it wasn't for the fact that I've got a higher rank than the majority of military personnel here, I'd probably be getting a lot more comments. As it is, I've had to resist the urge to punch a few faces." Cameron smiled. "But I have a feeling that things will be better next week. Did you hear what happened to SG-11?"
"No."
"Three little eight and nine-year-olds managed to drug them, disarm them, and lock them in a barn with some cows and one big ol' ornery sow with a bunch of piglets. By the time the team got out, they weren't smelling too good and had developed a mortal fear of pigs." Cameron grinned. "Yep, I'd say they'll be the new targets of abuse on base."
"I don't envy them."
"Me neither, but I'm thanking any powers that be who might be listening that it happened. So, about that trip. Wanna come along?"
"Thanks, but I don't think so. I just want to go home, get a few things done, then relax."
"I hear ya." Cameron closed his locker and tossed his jacket over his shoulder. "See you on Monday."
Sam let out a sigh as she sank into the hot water, closing her eyes as it helped loosen her tense muscles. Friday night at last. This weekend would be spent doing some chores, catching up on her reading and generally trying to put the week behind her. Maybe she'd go to Denver tomorrow and do some impulse buying. It wasn't something she did very often, but, once in a while, it felt good to just go a little crazy and buy things she didn't need but really liked. She and Janet used to do that together on occasion.
Thinking about her dead friend made Sam feel a moment of sadness. There were times when she really missed Janet. If the physician was still alive, Sam probably would have confessed to her what she'd been feeling about Daniel.
The astrophysicist had been in the tub for a while and was thinking of getting out when there was a knock on the door. She was really tempted not to answer, but decided that she'd better see who it was. She wrapping a robe around herself and left the bathroom.
The person at the door was Daniel, whose eyes widened upon seeing how she was dressed and the way that the robe clung to her wet skin.
"I-I'm sorry, Sam. I didn't mean to disturb you. I can leave." He took a step back.
"No, it's okay. I was going to get out of the tub soon anyway. Come on in. I'll go get dressed."
Daniel wandered around the living room, looking at this and that as he waited. He was feeling very nervous, but he knew that this was a conversation they needed to have. Jack was right. They really needed to work this out.
Sam came out wearing a T-shirt and well-worn jeans.
"I, um . . . I think we should talk about what happened," Daniel told her.
Sam sighed. "Yes, I guess we should." She sat on the couch. The archeologist took a seat beside her.
"I've been thinking about it a lot," Daniel admitted. "Even knowing why it happened, I still feel. . . ."
"Uncomfortable?"
"No, not really. It's just that, all these years, we've been friends and teammates, and we never thought about doing anything like that with each other. Now, we have, and. . . ."
"And it feels like something's changed," Sam said softly.
"Yeah." Daniel sighed, leaning his head against the backrest. "I know that I should just forget about it and get my head on straight, go back to the way things were before. That's what I've been trying to do ever since we got back. But I . . ." he lifted his head and looked at her, "I can't forget. . . ."
"What it felt like," Sam whispered.
Daniel's heart began to beat faster. "It . . . it felt good."
Sam nodded, swallowing. "It's, um, been on my mind a lot, too."
"It has?"
"Yeah. Crazy, huh."
"Totally insane." Daniel's eyes locked with hers. "We should just forget it all and . . . and pretend like it didn't happen."
"Yes, we should."
They sat staring at each other, feeling the desire building once more. If they were smart, they'd get up, say goodbye, and never talk about it again. The problem was that they didn't want to be smart right then.
Neither one of them knew who it was that made the first move, but, suddenly, they were in each other's arms, their mouths locked in a kiss of wild, intense heat. Tongues delved deeply, almost desperately. Daniel crushed Sam against his body, tangling a hand in her hair and angling his mouth over hers to deepen the kiss even more. One of Sam's hands was in his hair, the other having slid underneath the back of his shirt.
Daniel's hand was finding its way under Sam's top when his more sensible self made itself heard. He drew back, his eyes piercing into Sam's. "You have no idea how much I want to make love to you right now."
"I want that, too," Sam admitted. "God, this is so insane."
"I know, which is why I think I should leave. I don't know what's happening to us, Sam. A week ago, we were just friends, and, now . . . now, I want a whole lot more." Daniel released her and got to his feet. "I think we need to take a step back and try to figure out what's going on between us."
Sam stood. She knew that he was right. This change in their feelings had happened so suddenly that neither of them had been given time to take a breath and come to terms with it. It could be that, with a little time, it would fade, and everything would go back to how it was before.
"I'll see you on Monday." Daniel said.
"Okay."
Sam stayed where she was as he headed for the door. He gave her one last look before he left.
As she went to bed that night, Sam couldn't help but wish that it was with Daniel.
For the next two weeks, Daniel and Sam never said a word to each other about what was happening between them. They continued at work as if nothing had changed, and no one had any idea that both of them were in turmoil.
Daniel buried himself in work in an attempt to get Sam out of his mind, to forget the longing he had for her. But, no matter how hard he tried, it didn't work. It was like what happened on that planet had turned on a light that made him see Sam in a new way. She could no longer be just a teammate and friend in his mind . . . or in his heart. No matter how many times he told himself that he had to get past it, he couldn't.
Like Daniel, Sam had been throwing all her energy into work, and she couldn't understand why it wasn't helping. When she'd been stupid enough to develop feelings for Jack, they didn't consume her like these emotions for Daniel did. But then, with Jack, it had been a gradual thing, something that grew over time. With Daniel, it had been like a lightning strike out of the blue, sudden and utterly unexpected. One second, he was just her friend, the next, he was. . . . Sam didn't know what he was now. She just knew that she didn't want him to be only a friend.
On Friday evening, Sam was surfing the Internet and got an idea to go searching for something that would help her understand what was happening between her and Daniel. By following links on various Web sites, she finally came to one that was about friends becoming lovers. It had a discussion forum. She took a look at some of the messages that were posted, but none of them were situations like what she and Daniel were going through, so she decided to post a message of her own and see what people had to say.
After creating a user name, she began typing a new message. She knew there were facts that, for obvious reasons, she couldn't be honest about, so she came up with a story that was as close to the truth as she could get.
I'm in a situation with a friend that I just don't know what to make of. I'll call my friend DJ. We've known each other for over nine years. I have always recognized that DJ is a very handsome man, but he and I have never felt anything more than friendship, not even in the beginning. Actually, he was married back then. Though our relationship has gone through changes over the years, I have always loved him as a dear friend. I consider him to be my best friend.
Everything changed three weeks ago. DJ and I were out of town with some other friends and went to a party. We both got a little drunk, and, when we got back to the hotel, we ended up coming very close to making love. I have no doubt that it would have happened if we hadn't been interrupted. During the week that followed, neither one of us could stop thinking about it. We both recognized that something had changed. We didn't look at each other the same way anymore.DJ finally came to my place so that we could talk about the whole thing, and it almost happened again. It's like we just couldn't help ourselves. We were both completely sober. DJ stopped it before it went very far. He said that we needed to take a step back and try to figure out what was going on.
Since then, we haven't talked about this. In fact, we've been avoiding each other as much as possible. Even so, I still can't get it out of my head. I can't stop wanting him. What's scariest of all is that I know it's more than just lust.
What's happening to us? How, after over nine years of being just friends, can this be happening? It seems so unbelievable.
Sam felt a little odd when she clicked the Send button. In fact, she almost didn't. But she really needed some guidance and answers, and there was no one she knew that she could turn to about this.
The next morning, Sam checked the forum and was surprised to already see several replies to her post. One in particular caught her attention.
First, let me say that it doesn't matter how long you've been friends. Whether it's been two years or twenty, things like this can happen. You can be "just friends" for years, then something happens to change everything. With you and DJ, the catalyst was that night you got drunk and made out. It altered your perception of each other, created a sexual awareness that had never existed before. That comfortable "best friends" image is now colored with the feelings and sensations you experienced that night.
The fact that you haven't been able to get past what happened and get back to that comfortable place is an indication that there has always been a potential for more in your relationship. It was just waiting for the right trigger. It may even be that, if DJ hadn't been married when you first met, you'd have gotten into a relationship back then.
Your confusion and frustration are understandable. After having such a long friendship, the idea of taking it further would be scary, and it would be natural to resist what your heart and body are telling you they want. But here's a question for you. If DJ was a man you'd just recently met, and you had these feelings, what would you be thinking now? You need to set aside the fact that you're long-time friends, and look at it with the eyes of a woman. Right now, your friendship is getting in the way of seeing things clearly. Once you can do that, the answers you're seeking may come to you.
Sam sat staring at the words on the screen for a long time. She attempted to do what the person suggested, ignore who Daniel was and just concentrate on what she was feeling. If she felt things like this for some man she'd just met, she wouldn't be confused about it. She'd felt similar things for Pete, albeit in a much less intense and more controlled way.
One thing the person said kept going through Sam's mind. If Daniel had not been married when they met, would that have changed things? Would she have seen him as someone with whom she could be more than friends? Sam had to admit that he was everything she could want in a man: brilliant, passionate, caring, strong, courageous. . . . The list could go on and on. The plain and simple truth was that he would be quite a catch, and Sam knew that there were many women who'd have loved to be the one to catch him.
So, what did she want? Did she want all this to go away and go back to being just friends with him? Because of their teammate status, that would be the easier and more sensible choice. It would eliminate all kinds of problems and changes in their lives and careers that would have to be made. Yet she couldn't get past the feeling that what they were experiencing now could develop into something incredible . . . and very much worth it.
