CHAPTER TWELVE
Deciding that the best way to rein in his feelings for Egeria was to never be alone with her for very long, Daniel made an effort over the next two days to include one or more of his teammates whenever he spent time with her. In doing so, he learned a few things. It appeared that Sam and Egeria were becoming quite good friends, chatting and laughing about this and that whenever they got together. Egeria had never before had a girlfriend, unless you counted Arria, so it was nice to see her developing that kind of relationship.
As for Jack, he seemed to have warmed up to Egeria, apparently having completely gotten over the whole Goa'uld thing. He even talked to her about fishing and hockey. Though she obviously understood the former, the latter was a bit confusing and puzzling to her.
The real surprise, however, was Teal'c. Daniel and Egeria were having dinner when the Jaffa came over and asked if he could join them. In the conversation that followed, Egeria asked many questions about him and the Jaffa rebellion, it being quite clear that she greatly respected him and his fellow rebels. Teal'c, in turn, appeared to have a lot of respect for Egeria. These things were not the surprise. The surprise was what Daniel sensed underneath the respect: a current of deep understanding. For a while, Daniel couldn't quite put his finger on what was behind it, and then it suddenly became clear. Within Teal'c's heart was the guilt of all the atrocities that he committed while serving the Goa'uld. In Egeria's heart was the guilt over what her species had done and the knowledge that, during the first half of her life, two thousand years of existence, she stood by and did nothing about it, accepting the evil of her race and choosing only to have no part in it. That shared guilt linked the two in a unique bond.
"What became of the Jaffa who served you after you were captured by Ra?" Teal'c asked at one point in the conversation.
"Most of them were gone long before then," Egeria replied. "After sending my human subjects through the gate, I released from service all of the Jaffa who were not carrying my children. They did not want to go, but I knew that they could not stay, for, if the Goa'uld discovered that I was the one who was attempting to halt the taking of humans from Earth, I would have no choice but to go into hiding. I could not have many thousands of Jaffa with me. As for the rest, as each of the Tok'ra symbiotes they carried matured and were blended with a host, I made sure that they were implanted with other larvae, then I sent them away, too. That was during the years that I stayed on Estrania after the human population was gone. This I did until there were only five hundred Jaffa left. Those five hundred remained with me until the end, although some were killed protecting me as I continually tried to stay out of Ra's grasp. They were the ones who carried the children to whom I gave birth during those years in hiding." Egeria sighed sadly. "They all died trying to protect me on that last day, the day that Ra finally captured me – all except for four. Those four I charged with the duty of protecting my host, Arria, until she found a safe place to live."
"You were no longer in your host when you were captured?"
Egeria told him what she had told Daniel about her actions to protect her host.
"I do not know what became of all the Jaffa I released from service," she said. "I can only hope that they did not suffer because of my actions."
Daniel had to wonder about that. All of her Jaffa would have worn her mark upon their foreheads. Would the Goa'uld have allowed any of them to live, Jaffa who had served the one who betrayed her own kind? He had a feeling that they wouldn't, although he hoped that he was wrong.
It was the next day that Thor arrived.
"So, did you get the whole planet irradiated?" Jack asked. "All the little buggers gone?"
"It was not necessary to irradiate the entire planet, O'Neill," the Asgard replied. "The microorganisms existed only on the one continent and three islands that were inhabited. If it had been necessary for me to irradiate the entire planet, I would still be there."
"Oh. Okay. Well, as long as you got them all."
"The pathogen has been eradicated."
"That's excellent news, Thor," Hammond said. "We now have another request. Doctor Jackson, would you like to fill him in?"
Daniel briefly explained to Thor about his trip back in time, meeting Egeria, and how it was that Egeria was there now.
"We were unaware that the Furlings were experimenting with time travel," Thor stated at the end of the archeologist's narration.
"Really?" Jack responded. "Was it common for the members in your four races club not to tell the others what they were up to?"
"We did not tell each other everything, O'Neill. However, something of this magnitude should have been mentioned."
"Our plan is to destroy the device to prevent it from falling into the hands of the Goa'uld," General Hammond told the Asgard. "But we decided to ask if you would like to take it instead to study the technology."
Thor nodded his head slightly. "Yes, the Asgard would be most interested in examining the device."
"Then you're welcome to it," Jack responded. "The sooner you take it, the safer we'll all feel."
"We removed a piece from it to disable it," Sam told the Asgard, "so we'll have to give that to you as well."
"Thor, we need your help with something," Daniel said. "The body that Egeria's consciousness is in is just, um, on loan. It belongs to a woman named Ria, whose own consciousness is being temporarily stored. When we got the copy of Egeria's consciousness, we also got a DNA sample of her symbiote body. We were wondering if it would be possible for you to clone it."
"The Asgard have never attempted to clone a symbiote."
"But it would be possible, wouldn't it?" Jacob asked.
"Yes, although it would be advisable for us to first do some experimentation to determine the correct procedures."
"That wouldn't be a problem. I can get you DNA samples from as many Tok'ra as you need."
"Will you wish for the growth to be accelerated?"
"Yes, if it will be possible."
"Symbiote maturation happens more quick than that of humans, so that, too, will have to be perfected, but I do not believe that it will be difficult."
"Do you want us to go ahead and give you Egeria's DNA sample?" Sam asked.
"Yes. Because she is a queen, we will need to study it to see how it differs from that of other symbiotes."
A short while later, Thor left with the promise that he would contact them once the Asgard had completed their tests.
As soon as he was gone, Jacob contacted the Tok'ra base to fill them in. He learned that three possible hosts had been found for Egeria. The High Council wanted her to come through and meet them.
An hour later, Egeria and Jacob went to the base. When they got there, they discovered quite quickly that all of the Tok'ra had been told about Egeria, the High Council feeling that it was safe to do so since the Asgard were taking the time device.
Every Tok'ra Egeria passed bowed their head. Some came up to her and expressed their joy at her return. A few had tears in their eyes. It made her feel good that she was bringing such happiness to her children.
The joy was hers as she met the remaining ones of her offspring who had lived with her on Estrania, that joy brightest of all as she was reunited with the precious few who bore Daniel's DNA.
The first potential host that Egeria met was a woman named Suri. Quite tall, with mahogany hair and an olive completion, she was a woman with strong opinions and reminded Egeria of her first host, Ishala.
The second woman was Calee. Petite and fair-skinned, with hair the color of corn silk, she was the complete opposite of Suri in appearance. She was shy at first, but then warmed up to Egeria, revealing a gentle sense of humor that the Tok'ra queen enjoyed.
The last woman that Egeria met was Biana. Dark-skinned, with deep eyes that were almost black, she loved to talk, sharing that trait with Arria. She was also the most intelligent of the three.
As Egeria thought about the three women while sitting in the quarters that had been given to her, she could not make up her mind which one to choose. Each had things about them that she liked and disliked. It was very important for her to pick the right one, for she would be bound with them in the most intimate of relationships for the next two hundred years or more.
This was the first time that Egeria had ever been given a choice of hosts based upon their personality. Her first host was among a group of women presented to her, and it had only been their physical appearance by which she judged them. With Arria there had been no choice at all, it being a matter of life and death.
After another hour had passed with her still being unable to make up her mind, Egeria decided that she needed to watch the women interacting with others. She called both Selmak and Aranae to come join her and the three women. Over the next hour and a half they all talked, the two Tok'ra switching from symbiote to host several times.
Afterwards, Egeria asked for the opinions of her two children and their hosts. Those opinions varied. Aranae liked Suri best, whereas Fiala preferred Biana. Both Selmak and Jacob liked Calee the most, though Jacob also admired Suri's strong will.
Egeria let out a sigh. "I do not know which to choose."
Aranae studied the look on her face. "May I say something?"
"Yes, of course."
"Could it be that the reason why you're having such a hard time choosing is that you really do not want to choose any of them?"
Egeria frowned. "They are all fine women, each having qualities I admire and respect. I know that, no matter which of them I choose, I will come to appreciate her as a host. Why would I reject them?"
"That is not what I meant, Mother. I meant that you do not want to pick any of them because you know that, as a symbiote within a host, you cannot be with Daniel."
"Aranae," Selmak barked, angry at her for her comment.
They both watched as Egeria's gaze fell to the ground. The woman's eyes closed, and she drew in a deep breath.
"She is right," she said in a low voice. "I am hesitating to select one because it brings me one step closer to having to give up my dream of being with Daniel." She lifted her eyes to Aranae. "Thank you for making me see that. It is time for me to stop this foolishness and do what must be done." She got to her feet. "Now, if you will excuse me, I wish to talk to them individually one last time before I make my choice." Head held high, she walked out of the room.
"Why did you do that?" Selmak asked his sibling, still angry.
"She needed to hear it, Selmak. You know that as well as I do. Every one of us has had to make sacrifices in our lives. She's made more than all the rest of us put together. I wish that she did not have to make another, but there is no other choice."
Selmak released a sigh. "I know."
In the end, Egeria picked Calee, the gentle strength of the woman's spirit reminding her of Daniel. She was certain that he would like her.
She and Jacob returned to Earth the next morning. A short while later in his office, she told Daniel about the woman who would be her new host, sharing some of the personal things she'd learned about Calee's life.
"She sounds like she's very nice," he said.
Egeria nodded. "I know that you will like her and that she will like you."
Daniel stared at the floor between his feet. "Thor contacted us just before you and Jacob got back. They're making good strides. He, um, said that they'll likely be ready to do the cloning and transference tomorrow."
Egeria felt her heart make a painful little thump in her chest. Tomorrow she would be a symbiote once again. Tomorrow her new life would begin.
Tomorrow she and Daniel would say goodbye.
Egeria reached out and grasped his hand. "Please, Daniel," she said in a voice that trembled. "I want to spend this day with you."
He met her eyes for a long moment, then nodded.
After getting permission from General Hammond, Daniel took Egeria into town. They went to a park, where they took a long walk, looking at the people they passed, watching the mothers and their children. When they got to the playground, Daniel coaxed Egeria onto one of the swings. At first, she wasn't sure if she liked it, but then she began to enjoy it. Her laughter both pleased and hurt Daniel.
For lunch they had hotdogs, followed by ice cream sundaes. Egeria had never in her life eaten anything like ice cream and thought it was wonderful – that is until she took several bites too fast and got an ice cream headache.
After lunch, Daniel took Egeria to the Colorado Springs Fine Arts Center, where they stayed until closing time. After that, they went to an arcade, which absolutely fascinated the Tok'ra queen. Daniel taught her how to play air hockey, and the two of them had a ball.
"Is this what real hockey is like?" she asked after their third game.
"Take away the pretty lights and add lots of ice, a bunch of guys with anger management issues, and a screaming crowd, and, sure, it's just like it."
"Perhaps I would like it after all, then."
"Oh, don't let Jack hear you say that. He'd have you at a game faster than you could blink. Well, he would if it was hockey season."
No sooner had he said the words when it occurred to him that such a thing would not be possible anyway since Egeria would no longer be here.
The sun was sinking toward the horizon when they returned to the base. They went up to the top of the mountain and found a fallen tree to sit on. They stared up at the sky as the clouds became shaded with pinks and purples. There were so many things that Daniel wanted to say, but he was afraid that, if he spoke, he wouldn't be able to hide how much he didn't want tomorrow to come. He knew that this is what had to be, that the future of the Tok'ra depended upon Egeria, but all he could think about right now was that they were going to have to say goodbye again. It wouldn't be forever since he would see her occasionally, but he didn't want to see her just once in a while. He wanted to see her every day for the rest of his life.
Just then, Egeria spoke. "I do not want tomorrow to come," she said, echoing his thoughts.
Daniel gave a soft sigh. "Neither do I."
She turned to him, and he saw that there were tears in her eyes. "I will miss you so very much."
"I'll miss you, too. But we'll see each other again, Egeria. Maybe not for a while, but. . . ." His gaze fell away from hers as an ache began in his throat.
Egeria closed her eyes tightly against the tears threatening to fall. She had a duty to fulfill, and to fulfill it, she would have to sacrifice the thing that she wanted more than anything else in the universe, more even than the destruction of the Goa'uld.
When did her desire to share the rest of her life with Daniel become more important to her even that the downfall of her enemy? Was it when she awoke in the base infirmary and held him in her arms for the first time in over two thousand years? Was it when he shared with her the story of his life? Or could it have been something that gradually happened over the course of these precious days spent with him? Whenever the moment was that it happened, Egeria knew that, if it was only her own fate that would be affected, she would choose to stay here with Daniel.
Daniel looked at Egeria and saw that she was silently crying. He couldn't believe how much this was hurting. He wanted to stop time and keep tomorrow from coming. God, why was it that every time he came to really care about a woman, one way or another, he lost her? Was he cursed? He was beginning to think that maybe he was.
Suddenly, Egeria threw her arms around him. He pulled her tight against him as her tears wet his shirt. Then, equally as suddenly, she broke away from him, jumped to her feet, and hurried away. Remaining where he was, Daniel lowered his head into his hands.
The evening was passing into twilight when Daniel became aware that he was no longer alone. He dropped his hands, but did not look up as Sam sat beside him.
"I just saw Egeria," she said. "She's really upset."
"Yeah."
Sam studied his profile. "How are you doing?"
"It hurts," Daniel admitted. "I've known right from the start that this was going to happen, that she couldn't stay here, but that isn't making it any easier."
Sam rested her hand on his arm. "I'm so sorry, Daniel. I wish there was a way that she could stay."
Daniel closed his eyes for a long moment. "Have you ever felt like you were cursed, Sam?"
"In what way?"
"Every time in my life when I've met a woman who really came to mean a lot to me, I've lost her in one way or another."
Sam stared at him. Did his words mean what they sounded like they did?
In the next moment, Daniel answered her unspoken question.
"I've fallen in love with her, Sam," he confessed in little more than a whisper, fighting not to cry. "I tried so hard not to. I kept telling myself that I couldn't feel this way. But I couldn't stop it from happening."
Sam felt tears sting her eyes. She didn't know what to say. What could she say? Once again, Daniel was losing the woman he loved. Unlike Sha're, he'd probably see her again from time to time, but, in a way, that might be worse than if he never saw her again. How much would it hurt every time they said goodbye?
"I, um . . . I really need to be alone right now," Daniel said, his voice trembling.
Unable to hold the tears in any longer, Sam pulled him into a hug. He clung to her for a long moment. Then he got up and walked away down the path.
Wiping the wetness from her face, Sam stood and went back inside.
"So, you're all ready to make a Tok'ra queen, Thor?" Jack asked when the Asgard arrived the next morning.
"Yes, O'Neill. I would advise that I also do the transference of Egeria's consciousness with the facilities onboard my ship rather than using the Talthusian active matrix module."
Sam nodded. "Good idea. I trust your equipment more than I do it."
The Tok'ra were contacted, and the SGC was told that someone would come through shortly. As they waited, Thor beamed onboard his ship the cryogenic chamber with Ria's stored consciousness and transferred the contents of the matrix module to his ship's computer.
The Tok'ra who arrived through the Stargate turned out to be Delek and Ellan. They came up to the briefing room, where the others were gathered.
"This is a glorious day for the Tok'ra," the scientist said with a smile.
The man's words made Sam look over at Egeria. She was trying to look happy, but the major could see the pain in her eyes. Sam's gaze then went to Daniel, who had just arrived. His eyes were turned to the floor, and he was hugging himself. It really hurt to see him doing that. He hadn't done that in years.
Sam wasn't the only one to notice Daniel's demeanor. A frown came to Jack's face as he stared at his best friend. Damn. He'd been worried that Daniel's feelings for Egeria were growing into a hell of a lot more than just friendship, and, now, he was certain of it.
"What of the host?" General Hammond asked, drawing Jack's attention away from the archeologist.
"She is waiting at the base," Delek replied. "The blending will take place there." He lifted the container he was carrying. "Egeria will be placed in this for the short time that it takes us to return there."
"If you are ready, I will beam all those who wish to be present onboard my ship now," Thor said.
"That would be me, Delek and Ellan," Jacob responded. He glanced about at the members of the SGC. "Anybody else want to come?"
"Thanks but no thanks," Jack replied.
"I think I'll pass, too," said Sam.
"As will I," stated Teal'c.
His eyes not really meeting anyone's, Daniel said in an emotionless voice, "I, um, have some things that I need to take care of."
Jacob looked more closely at the archeologist. He'd already known that this moment was going to hurt Egeria, but it looked like it was hurting Daniel just as much. Had the poor guy fallen in love with her?
Knowing that this was the last moment that he would see Egeria in Ria's body, Daniel finally looked at her. Her eyes met his for a brief moment . . . and then she was gone, beamed away with Thor and the three Tok'ra.
Desperately needing to be alone, Daniel excused himself, fleeing to his office. He shut the door behind him, something he rarely did. As he sat down, he took a deep breath, trying to get control of his emotions. This wasn't really goodbye yet. In a couple of days, he and his teammates would be going to the Tok'ra base to see how things were going with Egeria and her new host. During those two days, he'd really have to make an effort to get a handle on his emotions. He needed to be able to smile at Egeria and her host and not look like he was going to a funeral.
When a knock came on the door around ten minutes later, Daniel considered pretending that he wasn't there. Knowing that wouldn't work, he got up and opened the door. Seeing that it was Jack, he let out an inaudible sigh.
"I'm really busy, Jack," he lied.
"I'm sure that whatever you're doing can wait," responded the grey-haired man as he stepped inside the room.
Hesitating a moment, Daniel returned to his desk and sat down.
"You fell for her, didn't you," Jack said bluntly. "Don't even try to deny it, Daniel."
The archeologist said nothing, simply staring down at an artifact on his desk.
"I guess I really can't blame you. She's quite a lady." Still getting no reply, Jack decided that a softer approach was in order. "I'm sorry, Daniel. I know this must be hurting a lot."
Daniel's gaze left the statue and drifted off to some point across the room. "I guess it's a good thing that I'm used to that."
"I wish you weren't. I wish that you hadn't gone through so much crap that you're actually used to hurting. It shouldn't be that way." Jack stared at his friend for a few seconds. "You need to get out of here, Daniel."
The archeologist turned to his computer. "No, I need to work."
"No, Daniel, not this time. I want you to go home. I'll make it an order, if I have to."
Daniel drew in a deep breath and let it out in a sigh, nodding slightly. Jack was right. He needed to leave, to be someplace where he was completely alone.
Getting to his feet, Daniel started to walk past Jack. He was stopped by the man's hand on his arm. He finally met Jack's eyes. In the coffee-brown depths he saw a look of understanding and sorrow.
Telling Jack with his eyes that he was grateful for the support, Daniel turned and walked out of the office.
Egeria stared at the form inside the tank. Unmoving and silent, the symbiote was still in the larval stage, but it was maturing with shocking speed. Even as she watched, the crest on its head began to form, the wings taking shape. It was quite clearly a queen, much larger than a normal symbiote at that age. Egeria found it more than a little strange to think about the fact that this symbiote was her, or, rather, a copy of her body.
Egeria glanced at the others in the room. Selmak, Delek and Ellan were all talking with Thor, who was explaining in detail the cloning and growth acceleration process. She was grateful for this since it was giving her a moment of relative privacy to gain control of her emotions.
Emotions. There had been a time when she could have pushed them aside and done what needed to be done without anyone having a clue about how she felt. But that was before she met a man named Daniel Jackson and fell so deeply in love with him that all the walls inside her heart came tumbling down. She had put some of those walls back up after he left, but these days with him had torn them right back down. She would now have to rebuild them yet again. She knew that she could do it. It would just take time.
Laying her hand on the tank, she thought about the days and years ahead. Once the transference was complete and she was blended with her new host, the base that would be her home would be created. A planet had already been chosen, one that had no Naquadah nor anything else that would interest the Goa'uld, as were all the planets chosen for Tok'ra bases. A team was already there setting up the sensors and other devices that would help protect her and the others who would live there. Her companions on the planet would be twenty-five Tok'ra hand-picked by the High Council. Each one was sworn to protect her with their lives.
Soon after settling on the planet, she would begin her first spawning cycle in her new body. Since they could not be sure how many Jaffa they would be able to get to carry the larvae, she would produce only a few hundred this first time around. Once they were mature and the Tok'ra had a better idea on how many Jaffa they could count on to carry her offspring, she would spawn more. For the next couple of decades, the majority of her life would be spent in spawning and teaching.
Once the ranks of the Tok'ra had been increased enough to substantially strengthen them, Egeria intended to take what the people of Earth would call a vacation. She wanted to see how the galaxy had changed in the centuries that had passed since she'd had a chance to see any of it. She knew that her children would not be happy about that, but she would insist.
One place she would not go was Earth. She had made the decision that there would have to come a day when she and Daniel said goodbye for good. How could she bury this love for him away someplace deep in her heart when, every time she saw him, it would rise back up stronger than ever? No, it had to end. She had to distance herself from him. It was the only way that she would be able to ease this terrible ache inside her.
Egeria was startled by a hand laid upon her shoulder. She looked up into the eyes of Selmak.
"Are you all right?" he asked.
Egeria did not reply for a couple of seconds. "I would say yes, but I do not wish to lie."
"I'm sorry, Egeria. I know this is not easy for you. I guess all I can really say is how much it will mean to the Tok'ra. We had accepted the fact that we were a dying race, that there would come a day when the Tok'ra would be gone. But, now, all that is changed."
Egeria nodded. "Yes. I am glad that I will be able to give birth to children who will carry on the legacy of the Tok'ra. It is, indeed, a glorious day for our people, as Ellan said."
Selmak looked at her, wishing that it was a glorious day for her as well.
They were called over to the others.
"Your body has almost reached full maturation," Thor told Egeria. "I can now upload your consciousness into the ship's computer." He told her to lie upon a table that stood a few yards away.
As Egeria approached the table, each step felt harder to take than the last, her mind telling her that she must move forward as her heart cried out a resounding "No!" As she came to a stop before it, she just stared at it, the thing that would forever destroy any hope of being with Daniel as she wanted to be. She closed her eyes. She needed to do this. There was no other choice. There was no other queen who could assume the duty of spawning new Tok'ra.
Suddenly, a thought leapt into Egeria's mind, alighting her with hope. She turned back around.
"What is wrong?" Delek asked.
"I cannot do this," she replied. "Long ago, I made a vow to do all I could to end the reign of the Goa'uld. You and all my other children have been carrying on that vow, and I know that you will continue to do so." She pointed at the tank. "There lies your future, what will enable you to grow strong and numerous again." She placed her hand over her chest. "But that is no longer what I am. I can no longer be your queen. I know in my heart that my future lies along a different path now."
"But how can it be our queen without your consciousness in it?" Ellan asked, clearly upset. "It is nothing but a body without you."
Egeria shook her head. "No, Ellan. I will help you select someone who can take my place, a Tok'ra worthy of taking on the mantle of queen."
"Are you suggesting that we put another Tok'ra's consciousness into your cloned body?" Selmak asked.
Egeria nodded. "It would take some time for them to become familiar with their new body, to learn its differences, but I am confident that it could be done. I will teach them what they need to know." She looked at Ellan and Delek and gave them a smile. "Then you will have a new queen, one who will give the Tok'ra many children."
Selmak was stunned. He'd never have thought if doing this. And yet it was the perfect solution, a way for the Tok'ra to have a queen and for Egeria to have a chance at a life with Daniel.
Egeria turned to Thor. "Could this body I am in be cloned?"
"Yes, if the one to whom it belongs gave their permission."
"Then I would ask that you remove my consciousness from within it and return Ria's to it so that you may ask her. If she is not willing, then I wish for a woman to be found who is."
Delek was now frowning. "Your wish is to be human? I do not understand. As a human your life span will be so short."
"Yes, it will be short, Delek, compared to that which I would have as a symbiote, but it will be the life that I want. I know that you do not understand, that you do not know what is in my heart, but please try to accept that it is what I desire."
There was a long silence as Delek and Ellan came to terms with Egeria's decision. There was no need for Selmak to do so. He was delighted by the turn of events, as was Jacob.
"Very well," Delek said. "If this is what you want, then neither I nor any other Tok'ra have the right to refuse." He looked at Thor. "We will need to arrange for the symbiote body to be placed in stasis until a consciousness is selected for it. I am assuming that the transference will have to be done using the active matrix module since it is unlikely that you will be able to return to do it."
"I can place the body in a portable stasis unit," Thor answered. "I do not know if it will be possible for me to return to do the transference." He looked at Egeria. "If you are ready, I will upload your consciousness into the computer. If Ria refuses to allow the cloning, I will then place your consciousness in the active matrix module so that it may be stored by the Tok'ra or Stargate Command. Once a volunteer for the cloning has been found, I will return."
With a smile, Egeria nodded. "I am ready."
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