CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
Jack and Danny returned at noon with lunch in hand.
"So, how did it go?" Jack asked while Danny was off washing his hands.
"All right. It wasn't easy."
"No, I bet it wasn't. You going to do it again?"
"Monday morning."
"Good."
Daniel was not very talkative during lunch, which was fine since Danny was bubbling over with things to say about his first time on ice skates. Jack noticed how quiet Daniel was, but didn't say anything because of Danny's presence.
After lunch, Jack looked at his watch. "Well, I need to get going. There's some paperwork I've been putting off that Hammond chewed my ear off about. It needs to be done before Monday. Daniel? Walk me out to my car."
Once they reached the car, Jack subjected Daniel to a searching look. "Really bad, huh?"
Daniel sighed. "It could have been worse. It's just not easy talking about something like that, bringing it all out in the open, talking about how I felt throughout the whole thing."
"Yes, how well I know that. I've had to do the same thing more than once, after the stuff in Iraq and after that little party with Ba'al." Jack gave a mirthless smile. "For some strange reason, both times, the shrinks told me that I had anger issues. Gee, go figure. I kind of doubt that Doc Woods told you the same thing."
"No, anger is not one of my problems," Daniel confirmed.
"You wanna talk about what is? Aside from the nightmares, that is."
"Thanks, Jack, but once is enough."
"I hear ya. Well, if you change your mine, I'm just a phone call away."
"Thanks."
After leaving Daniel's, Jack headed to the SGC. He bumped into Sam in the corridor.
"You're working today, sir?" Sam asked.
"Paperwork, the bane of my existence. What about you?"
"I got pretty far behind due to all that stuff with the drones and, um, everything else. I'm trying to do some catching up today."
"Ah. Well, don't work too hard."
Sam gave him a nod of acquiescence. "Sir, did you see Daniel today?"
"Yep, just came from his place, in fact."
"How did the session with Meredith go?"
"It was rough. Talking about things like that isn't easy."
"I've been really worried about him. He looks so tired sometimes. I know he's not sleeping too well because of his injuries, but . . ." Sam sighed. "I'm just worried."
Jack knew that what he was about to say wouldn't please Daniel, but he didn't care. "I'm guessing you don't know that he's been having nightmares every night."
Sam reacted with surprise. "What? No, I didn't. He never said a word."
"I wouldn't have known either if he hadn't fallen asleep on my couch Thursday night. As usual, he planned on hiding it all behind those walls he builds up every time life really dumps on him."
"Then that's the real reason why he's so tired."
"Yeah."
"Thank you for telling me, sir."
Danny had been in bed for around twenty minutes when there was a knock on the door. He opened it to find Sam on the other side.
"Sam? I didn't expect to see you tonight."
Sam stepped past Daniel. "I came over to talk." She turned to him. "Daniel, why didn't you tell us about the nightmares?"
Crap. "Jack told you, didn't he."
"Yes, and how it is that he found out. You shouldn't keep things like that from us, Daniel. We care about you. When you're hurting, we want to know."
Daniel went to the dining room and sat down with a sigh. "I know, Sam, and I'm sorry. I just. . . . For so many years, I was used to hiding things like this. And . . . and I didn't want to upset and worry you more."
Sam sat down and took his hands. "Daniel, we're your friends, and friendship means being there for each other in both the good times and the bad. Yes, it would upset us to see you hurting, but it's worse knowing that you tried to deal with this all alone, and we weren't there to help you."
"I'm sorry," Daniel murmured, eyes downcast.
"Just don't do it again, okay?"
"Okay."
Sam gave him a gentle smile. "So, you got any ice cream in this house?"
"Um, yeah, Dutch Chocolate."
"Good, because you and I are going to have some, and then we're going to talk."
As they ate their ice cream, Daniel talked a little about the session with Meredith, though he did not go into details. Sam could tell by his body language even more than his words that it had not been an easy morning for him.
Sam stayed with him until it was time for her to go home to bed.
"I'll see you tomorrow, okay? I was thinking that I'd come early with breakfast."
Daniel smiled. "Sure, that would be fine. See you in the morning."
The house was dark and still when thirst woke Danny up. He got up to get some water, but froze in his tracks at the sound of a low moan coming from Daniel's room. Cautiously, he headed in that direction. There was another moan and what sounded like a muffled sob.
Getting scared, Danny timidly knocked on the door. "D-Daniel?" There was no reply, only another sound of distress. Terrified that Daniel was sick again, the boy went into the room. Daniel was lying on the bed. The only movement of his body was the rapid darting of his eyes back and forth beneath his eyelids. Tears were leaking from the corners of his eyes, wetting the pillow. Another moan welled out of his throat, louder and full of pain and grief.
On the edge of panic, Danny began shaking him. "Wake up, Daniel. Please, wake up!"
For a few more seconds, there was no response, then, with a terrible cry, Daniel hurled out of sleep. He sat bolt upright.
"Oh, God," he choked out, covering his face.
"D-Daniel?"
The archeologist lifted his head and saw a frightened Danny staring at him, wide-eyed.
"It's . . . it's okay, Danny." His voice trembled slightly. "I just had a really bad dream."
"I thought you were sick again."
"No." Daniel took a deep breath. "It was just a nightmare."
The boy clambered onto the bed and wrapped his arms around Daniel. He pulled the boy into an embrace.
"It's okay, Daniel," Danny's little voice said. "When I had the bad dreams, you hugged me and told me it was going to be okay." The boy tightened his hold around Daniel and whispered, "It's going to be okay."
Hearing the child speak those words cracked Daniel's heart wide open, and he began to cry. He held Danny tightly as he let the tears come. It was quite a while before his tears stopped.
Danny looked up at him. "Are you okay?"
Daniel looked down at the boy and caressed his cheek. "Yeah. I'm okay." Then he pulled the one he loved most in the world close to him and laid back down. With Danny held tight to his body, Daniel closed his eyes and slid peacefully back into sleep.
Daniel was sipping on a cup of coffee when Sam arrived with breakfast.
"Hi," he greeted. "Danny's not up yet."
Sam set the bag on the kitchen counter. "That's okay. It can be warmed up." She turned to Daniel. "How are you? Did you have another nightmare?"
The archeologist sighed. "Yes, unfortunately. I think it woke Danny up. He came into my room, afraid that I was sick again. He slept with me the rest of the night."
Sam searched his face. "Do you want to talk about it?"
Daniel walked with her into the living room, and they sat on the couch.
"Most of them are variations on the same theme," he said. "Honduras, the rebels, the Telchak device. It's usually a whole lot worse than it really was. The one last night was . . . especially bad."
"Have you talked to Meredith about this?"
"No, not yet."
"You should talk to her. She might have some advice for you." Sam paused. "I never told you this, but, after you ascended, I had nightmares about the whole thing. In most of them, you died."
Daniel put an arm around her shoulders. "I'm sorry."
"You know what I finally did? I wrote you a letter. It was after we got back from the mission to save Heimdall. I wrote how much I missed you, how much I wished you'd come back. I said in that letter so many things that I never told you in person, what your friendship meant to me, how much I admired and respected you. I pretty much poured my heart out " She smiled a little weakly. "The paper was pretty tear-stained by the time I finished. I think that a part of me was hoping that you were there, reading what I was writing, things that I should have said when you were . . . when you were with us. I guess it helped, acted as a kind of catharsis, because the nightmares got better and went away after a few more days."
Daniel rubbed Sam's arm comfortingly. "What did you do with the letter?"
Sam smiled. "You know that night after you came back when we all had dinner at the colonel's?"
Daniel nodded, recalling that dinner and the bonds he began to reestablish with his friends that night. "Yes, the one Jack warned me not to be late for out of consideration for the state of Teal'c's blood sugar level."
"What?"
Daniel briefly told her what Jack said that day in the gate room after Jonas had left for home.
"Well, after I got home, I took out the letter and burned it. It was a sad letter about losing a friend, and you weren't lost anymore." She met his eyes. "I had you back."
Daniel gave her a gentle smile. "I'm glad it helped." His lips curled upward. "Unfortunately, I don't think that writing a letter to Rafael and ranting at him would help much."
"Maybe not. But the thing you have to remember, Daniel, is that you survived. You made it through all the things he did to you and came out of that jungle alive. As hard as he tried to break you and then kill you, he didn't succeed. You won, and he lost. And then you won again by making it through the withdrawal."
Daniel was silent for a while. "Meredith talked about me winning. I told her that I didn't really feel like I'd won anything."
"Yet you did."
Daniel thought about her words. In their first therapy session, Meredith had told him that he needed to focus on the good things about his experience, to have a more positive attitude about how he stood up to the torture, how he managed to get himself and Bill free, and how he succeeded in protecting Bill. And then there was the first victory of finding the device.
Daniel's thoughts were interrupted by Danny coming out of the bedroom. The boy came over to the couch and sat on the other side of Daniel, hugging him, his young eye searching his guardian's face.
"Did you have another nightmare?" he asked.
The archeologist hugged him. "Nope." He kissed the child's forehead. "But then, how could I have a nightmare when I had the person I love best in the world there with me?"
"I could sleep with you again tonight."
"Thank you for the offer, Danny, but I think that it would be best for you to sleep in your own bed. I think I'll be okay tonight."
"I don't want you to have any more bad dreams."
Daniel smiled down at him. "I know, Danny, and I want to thank you for helping me last night. It did make me feel better." He looked back and forth between the people on either side of him. "So, ready for breakfast?"
That afternoon, Daniel, Sam and Danny went to the park and had a big picnic. They "borrowed" Barkler from Marie, and Danny had a great time playing with the dog while the two adults watched.
"If Jack saw this, you know what he'd do," Daniel said.
"He'd go out and buy Danny a dog," Sam replied.
"Yep. Frankly, I'm surprised he hasn't already done so. Look how fast he bought that puppy for Cassie." Daniel gazed at the boy and dog thoughtfully. "I guess it wouldn't really be that bad of an idea, although I'd have to find someone who could take care of the dog whenever we're on a mission since Danny would likely be staying at the base. That is unless I make other arrangements. I need to start figuring some things out. I'm going to be calling one of the private schools on Monday to see about getting Danny enrolled. Once he starts going to school, he won't be coming with me to work, which means that I need to figure out what to do about the hours between the time that Danny gets out of school and I get home."
"Actually, I was thinking about that a while ago," Sam said. "You know, there is a daycare center not far from the base. A lot of the female personnel use it. I'm betting that the school has a bus that takes kids out that way. It could drop Danny off there, then someone from the base could pick him up and bring him to the SGC."
Daniel nodded. "That's a good idea." His gaze went back to the child. "It's going to be strange not having him there all day. I'm going to miss him."
"I know what you mean. I'll miss our meals in the commissary with him. Actually, I can think of several people who are going to miss him. The majority of the base personnel absolutely adore him." Sam smiled at him. "We'll get it all worked out, Daniel. Don't worry."
Sam stayed with Daniel and Danny the rest of the day, insisting that she didn't have anything important that needed doing. The truth was that she actually did have chores at home, but they could wait. Today, being with her best friend was more important.
That evening, after Danny had gone to bed, Daniel and Sam sat out on the front porch, looking up at the stars. The archeologist drew in a deep breath of the cool night air and let it out slowly. They were right. He was alive. He beat the odds and made it though one of the most horrific moments of his life. And he didn't break, no matter how hard Rafael tried. Even at the end, when the man was coming toward him with that machete, and he didn't think he was going to survive, he did not give up.
"You're right, Sam," he murmured. "I did win."
That night, for the first time in days, no nightmares disturbed Daniel's sleep.
The second session with Meredith was a lot easier than the first. The therapist noticed the difference in his attitude about everything and was very pleased by it. She made arrangements to return the next morning.
Daniel's call to the private school was promising. Though the fall semester had already begun, they would still accept new enrollments. They told him that the first step was an interview alone with the parents. Daniel explained that Danny's mother was dead. He arranged for an interview at four o'clock.
Daniel had not been off the phone for long when there was an unscheduled off-world activation. A few minutes later, he was called to the briefing room. He was surprised to see Esha there. Jack was there as well.
The Cedarnan came toward the archeologist with a smile. "Daniel, I am pleased to see you." He looked down at the cane. "But you are injured."
"It's nothing, Esha. It's healing well."
"Good. You must be well for the ceremony."
"Ceremony?"
"Esha was just explaining to us that they've finished a new wing on their museum," Hammond said, "and that they wish for SG-1 to be the guests of honor during the grand opening."
"Yes, yes," Esha said. "You all must be there. It is because of you and your brethren that we had reason to build this new wing, which is for the history of our struggle to save our people and the salvation you gave to us."
"So, Esha, did you make those statues you were talking about?" Jack asked curiously.
"Indeed we did, Colonel O'Neill, as well as fine portraits of each of you. They hold the place of honor."
Jack's chest puffed out a little. "Sweet."
"When is the ceremony going to be?" Daniel asked Esha, amused by Jack's reaction.
"Tomorrow at midday. I hope I do not come to tell you too late."
Everyone turned to Hammond.
"I see no reason why you can't go," he said. "Our trade agreement with the Cedarnans has worked out quite well for us."
Esha clapped in delight. "Excellent!" He turned to Daniel. "We would also be delighted if your younger self could attend. Is he well?"
"Um, yes, he's well, but I don't know if he could go."
"Well, I don't see why not," Jack said. He looked at his C.O. "What do you say, General? After all, technically, Cedarna is Danny's place of birth."
Hammond smiled. "Very well. You have my permission to take him."
"Thank you, sir," Daniel said.
A few details were sorted out with Esha, then the Cedarnan went back home. Daniel called Sam and told her the news, while Jack did the same with Teal'c. Then, all four members of SG-1 went to Daniel's office to tell Danny.
"Hey, Danny, Daniel's got some pretty cool news for you," Jack said, grinning broadly.
"What?" Danny asked.
"Well, the Cedarnans just contacted us," Daniel said. "They've built a new wing on their museum, and they want SG-1 to come for the grand opening."
"We're going to be the guests of honor," Jack stated. "They've even got statues and paintings of us in the museum."
"Really? That's so cool!" Danny exclaimed.
Daniel smiled. "And guess what else. You're invited, too."
Danny's eyes grew enormous. "I get to go through the Stargate?"
"You sure do, kiddo," Jack replied.
"Yippeeeee!" Danny yelled, hopping up and down. "When are we going?"
"Tomorrow."
"Oh wow, oh wow!"
The four adults laughed in delight at the child's joy.
It took quite a while for Danny to calm down. As soon as he'd stopped dancing around the room and babbling excitedly, Daniel called Meredith to reschedule their next session.
"Did something happen?" the therapist asked.
"Yes, but it's a good something. I'm sure that Danny will be dying to tell you all about it when he sees you."
After leaving Daniel's office, Sam asked Jack if she could speak to him in private. They both went to his office.
"Sir, I found the information you wanted on Harold Schubert," the major said. "After he was arrested for what he did to Daniel, the police apparently convinced his wife to talk. She revealed that he'd abused several other children they'd fostered. Um, the investigators noticed a pattern to the abuse, sir. Most of the abused children were boys with higher intelligence, those who got good grades in school. Schubert barely made it through the ninth grade."
"Crap. It's a miracle Daniel wasn't killed by the bastard."
Sam nodded. "Schubert was found guilty on multiple counts of child abuse and was sent to prison. His wife divorced him. Since then, he's been in and out of jail several times. He's presently serving consecutive sentences for two counts of attempted murder."
The news pleased Jack. The bastard was in prison where he belonged. "Thanks, Carter. It would probably be best if we didn't share this with Daniel, especially that part about why Schubert targeted him. Daniel doesn't have to know it was because the jerk was jealous of his intellect."
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